Hi, so I moved into my uni halls in October, which I guess initially I was quite excited about because I thought that living with new people would be fun etc. The only problem I have it that I am quite awkward around people I don't really know, or people I first meet. I can talk to people but I'm not one of those outgoing people that makes a lot of friends straight away.
My flatmates are all lovely people but I'm just so shy. It's January and I still feel this way to the point that, and I know it sounds stupid, I avoid going into the kitchen. I don't know what it is but I just have this fear of walking into the kitchen and they're all there and I don't know what to say they probably all think I'm boring af but that's not the case I just don't know how to connect with them or strike up a good convo. Like after I ask them how their day was or if they had lectures or seminars today, I don't know how to carry on the convo from there. I'm not a loner or anything, like I do have friends, but I guess I hate being put into social situations like this where I have to talk to people I feel I have no connection with if that makes any sense?
I'm friends with one of my flatmates and she's cool but she's cool with the whole flat so sometimes I feel kind of left out. Idk what to do. I want to be social and just walk into the kitchen and strike up good convo but I just feel so damn awkward. Why is it I can connect with people on my course but I'm struggling so much with my flat man. We just got back from Christmas break like 3 days ago and literally I haven't seen all of my flat because I feel awks walking into the kitchen to talk to them. Idk what to do.
Feeling awkward in halls Watch
- Thread Starter
- 10-01-2017 00:07
- 10-01-2017 11:55
it would probably help to spend some time together - do the rest of them hang out together a lot? If so try and invite yourself along... if not suggest you all get pizza (you can do it via FB or something) and have some drinks/watch a film/play a board game/polka/etc - try and suggest something which doesn't demand a lot of conversation from you to start with (i.e. by having another activity or film going on) as then it will be easier to hang out and ease the awkwardness
conversation is not an easy thing for some people (including me) but it gets easier with practice - I find that if I speak to someone once I try and file away a couple of facts about them (e.g. has a boyfriend at another uni, likes to play hockey) so I can ask about those things the next time I speak to them, then you appear interested and people like the talk about themselves so it takes the pressure off you a bit, if you're going to a social event you can even think of some open questions e.g. what did you do over xmas, do you have plans for the summer, are you enjoying your course, how many hours do you usually spend in lectures, do you have labs, do you do any sport, do you know a good gym nearby - it sounds really silly and formulaic but it will become more natural to you once you do it a few times, conversing with new people is a life skill and worth learning
- 12-01-2017 16:18
I'm in the same situation. I haven't seen/spoken to some of my flatmates since October and i moved in September. I feel really awkward around them too even though they're nice, we have nothing in common so I don't know what to say.
I could suggest trying to speak to them one-to-one if you can so it's less intimidating. Or just casually watch a movie in the shared area so that way if conversation runs dry, it won't be so awkward since you were already doing something.
Personally, my flatmates are all really outgoing and I much prefer hanging out in small groups so I don't think I'll ever get to know them that well. But try and be optimistic, don't over think and remember you don't have to be best friends with them.