I feel as if I have no use in my life. I have mocks coming up, I have studied but I feel as if I'll fail as I'll forget everything due to being anxious. I know everyone and their mother has made a thread like this, but I feel like an utter failure. I turned 18 within the last month and it's made me depressed. I'm an adult now, 18 years of life and what have I achieved: nothing.
I have been 'diagnosed' with anxiety. I still feel iffy about it as it was once at A&E and once from my gp but no further action has been taken, due to really long waiting lists. Last time I had medical attention for this was about 1.5 years ago.
My college haven't been very helpful either. One of the staff told me 'You need to calm down, everyone gets nervous, you're making too big a deal of all this and you're making it worse for yourself.' I did badly in my AS levels due to frequent pain preventing me from concentrating and also partial arm paralysis which, well prevented me from taking notes in lectures and making revision resources and homework. One teacher is trying to help me and I love them for that, but it seems like the rest of the staff have medieval views on mental illness. Unfortunately, a different teacher told me I was wasting everyone's time by applying to some top universities, and well they were right, I got a rejection from one minutes after I sent my UCAS off.
I feel as if I have depression, too. I try to see positives but it's hard, one 100% on a test compared to 100s of Es, Ds and Us, doesn't bring me a thrill. I hate myself as I used to be one of the best students in my school but no teacher has seemed to question why over the course of 1.5 years I dropped from A*s to Us. And I can't palate myself after all this, some teachers have commented how they're disappointed and how I need to try harder and this makes me feel really guilty.
I did an extra A Level in which I got an A*, I thought I was happy, but no I just felt numb, it didn't feel like an achievement, I just feel as if it's expected of me.
I honestly don't what to do.
I'm disappointing everyone I meet and I'm a waste of time.
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- Thread Starter
Last edited by Interrobang; 11-01-2017 at 21:31.
- 10-01-2017 10:53
Offline21ReputationRep:TSR Support Team
- TSR Support Team
- 19-01-2017 11:04
Sorry things are so hard for you right now, and for the late reply. I'd really advise going to see your GP again if you can- print out this post and show them or a list of stuff written down, this can be far easier than talking in my experience! There's sites like docready good too if you're struggling with that. I promise you're not a waste of time though, no-one is. Do your family know how you're feeling, or friends? Glad one teacher has been helpful at least, sorry about the others though. The only thing I can think of with that is prove them wrong, but that needs to be for yourself not them. If writing is hard you can always try recording yourself reading them and listening to it back? Have a play around and see what works for you anyway. Mostly just remember your health comes first, and nothing is worth losing that for. Exams can be retaken, or unis or courses or careers changed and money made or found, but you can't be replaced. You can do this!
- 19-01-2017 11:22
Things like these happen when you think a lot try engaging yourself in different activities.....! Who know you might find meaning for your existence....!