Hi, I am a fresher who is doing a Film Production course and when i started the course, I sort of got dragged in with a clique which I eventually dropped out of as I disliked everyone in it. I made friends with this girl on my course and we clicked amazing well and got on super well however I slowly started developing feelings for and told her how I felt, we agreeded to remaining friends and that she didn't need space and vice versa. I told her I would transfer to somewhere else if I lost our friendship as it was one of the only things making me happy at the university.
Before I told her how I felt, we agreed that we would go do something outside of the university grounds. However after saying how I felt she decided it wasn't ok, I told her how I'd lost friendships and didn't have many friends who wanted to hang out with me. She said she would be happy to when we came back.
Anywho time passes and over the break, I asked if I could meet her friends since she doesn't live on campus, as it would be nice for us all to be friends and everything with similar interests. She said she would ask them but it was hard with work and stuff. She suggested going to societies but I don't feel happy in them as i have tried going before. (I felt like this was the pass on the buck on moment.)
Moving on from this I asked again if we would do something when we came back and she said maybe we will see, even though there is no work on the first week back however she said we could meet and study before lessons. Unfortunately for me I have told her this is not a friendship i want, it's more or less someone she wants to see when it suits her. That isn't friendship. I feel like agreeing to this makes me feel used and I have had enough friendships like that in the pass and it's not worth my time. (She is yet to respond to this but having asked her about doing something outside the grounds and her not giving me a straight yes or no doesn't fill me with confidence.)
This is making me extremly unhappy as the way i see it is if don't have friends on a course which requires interaction then why bother, it's making me extremly unhappy especially as one offer was on the table before and now a different one is when she was the one to ask for things not to change but is making everything more awkward then it is. I don't know what to do, do i apolgise and just accept things or do i accept our friendship is over and look to get a transfer to somewhere closer to home (Is this even possible with us no about to start the second sem?) Or do i dropout which is what I am considering as making friends is incredibly hard for me and finding ones where i don't get used.
To add, I'm ok friends with the people in my flat but what i really want is someone i can call a friend or a close one on my course, this is what makes me feel lonely. If i was doing something like writing i wouldn't care because its a very much individual thing but my course is interactive and so many people are already in friend groups or give me intuitive vibes of they aren't someone i can be friends with.
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I have no friends on my course, I want to leave. watch
- Thread Starter
- 10-01-2017 11:12
- 11-01-2017 17:28
Sorry to hear you're going through this, it is a tough situation to be in and I can relate.
You could drop out and have a fresh start at a different university next year where you'll hopefully make more friends. Student finance have this policy of having a 'gift year' - not sure if that is the technical name for it - which means that they'll overlook that you've used up one year of student finance if you drop out. I've heard of people transferring universities due to not fitting into a particular one, even people who I thought were quite popular and who seemed happy which is quite surprising. It's likely that it wouldn't possible for you to transfer but even if you could I'd rather have a fresh start.
People often advise to join societies to try and make friends but IME I haven't seen strong friendships develop from societies the way they do from being on the same course. Have also seen that friendships made at the start tend to stick and be the strongest.
Why haven't you made friends you liked on your course, or at the start of the year? Perhaps you're not as good at putting yourself out there enough to find friends you like, or perhaps you need to be more selective with friends in the future?
Regarding your friend I totally understand how bad that would feel but you shouldn't be in a situation where you'd be reliant on one person like that. The friend senses that you are relying on them too much and that is driving them away.
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- TSR Support Team
(Original post by cosmic angel)
- 12-01-2017 22:16
People often advise to join societies to try and make friends but IME I haven't seen strong friendships develop from societies the way they do from being on the same course.
I struggled to make "proper" friends when I was a fresher and what really changed things for me was getting a job so i'd recommend that to anyone! Made so many friends from work and I am hardly a social butterfly.