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Flatmate annoyed with me opening her door? Watch

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    Usually if my flatmates knock on my door and I don't answer they open the door if it's unlocked. I'm in second year in uni and in first year my flatmates used to do it all the time but I didn't mind. Last year there was a boy in our group of flats who took his own life whilst in his uni room which shook us up a bit. I guess after that we were more alert on checking whether our flatmates were okay, especially if we knew they were inclined to suffering from depression (which I also suffered from last year and my flatmates were aware).

    This particular flatmate has told me that she was depressed before. I guess by natural instinct if I knock on her door to check that she's alright and I don't hear a response I just open the door, I suppose the fear of not knowing if something has happened to them or what have you. I've only done it a total of 3 times I guess. So I knocked on her door today and she didn't answer, I instinctively opened the door just as she said 'don't open the door'.

    I immediately let go of the door and apologised. When she came out of her room she seemed really pissed off and went "If I say don't open the door or I don't answer don't open the door. You did that last time aswell". I'm quite a sensitive person so I felt a bit hurt, I just wanted to make sure that she was ok. I didn't mean to anger her or anything. Now I feel awful
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    Opening someone's door without permission is an invasion of their privacy. Did that not occur to you? I would have been pissed as well. Even if I'm not at home, don't open the door.

    Granted, this is one of the reasons I could never live in student accommodation/shared housing unless there is a lock on the door.
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    (Original post by Another)
    Opening someone's door without permission is an invasion of their privacy. Did that not occur to you? I would have been pissed as well. Even if I'm not at home, don't open the door.

    Granted, this is one of the reasons I could never live in student accommodation/shared housing unless there is a lock on the door.
    then put the effing lock on your door then?! it's not exactly hard! wtf
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    Both sides are completely understandable. You wanted to look out for her, and she didn't want her privacy invaded. I suggest you have a chat and sort it out.
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    it's not difficult to turn on the lock on your door takes 2 seconds. if they can't do that simple task then they're asking for unwarranted visits!! so cant complain
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    Yeah both sides make sense, just apologise by way of actually explaining and then never do it again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    then put the effing lock on your door then?! it's not exactly hard! wtf
    You never specified whether there was a lock on her room or not

    But hey, if you still decide to try and open my door (even while locked) after I've told you not to for the third time, I'll still be angry.
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    (Original post by Another)
    You never specified whether there was a lock on her room or not

    But hey, if you still decide to try and open my door (even while locked) after I've told you not to for the third time, I'll still be angry.
    So, after she expressed that she wasn't feeling 100% mentally, you think it's absolutely fine for people to just ignore that and never check on her?
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    (Original post by Another)
    You never specified whether there was a lock on her room or not

    But hey, if you still decide to try and open my door (even while locked) after I've told you not to for the third time, I'll still be angry.
    You replied to someone else, that is a different anon.

    This is the first time that she told me not to open her door. I won't do it again, I was just concerned for her.
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    Still unclear as to whether or not she has a lock on the door. If she does, then she can't whinge, just lock the ****ing door. If not, then really you shouldn't take no answer as "I should enter immediately" - if they don't answer, knock again and ask if they're okay... still no answer, knock once more and tell them you're coming in if they don't answer as you're worried. THEN, if they don't answer, go on in.
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    (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
    So, after she expressed that she wasn't feeling 100% mentally, you think it's absolutely fine for people to just ignore that and never check on her?
    "I've been depressed before in the past" doesn't equate to "Please check on me every 12 hours like I'm not a competent adult", Jesus.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You replied to someone else, that is a different anon.

    This is the first time that she told me not to open her door. I won't do it again, I was just concerned for her.
    Whoops, didn't realise it was a different Anon

    For the most part, depression very rarely leads on to suicide. If you've seen absolutely no sign of her for 48 hours, maybe then you should be concerned. Otherwise, she didn't move all the way out to Uni just to be parented on by flatmates!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Usually if my flatmates knock on my door and I don't answer they open the door if it's unlocked. I'm in second year in uni and in first year my flatmates used to do it all the time but I didn't mind. Last year there was a boy in our group of flats who took his own life whilst in his uni room which shook us up a bit. I guess after that we were more alert on checking whether our flatmates were okay, especially if we knew they were inclined to suffering from depression (which I also suffered from last year and my flatmates were aware).

    This particular flatmate has told me that she was depressed before. I guess by natural instinct if I knock on her door to check that she's alright and I don't hear a response I just open the door, I suppose the fear of not knowing if something has happened to them or what have you. I've only done it a total of 3 times I guess. So I knocked on her door today and she didn't answer, I instinctively opened the door just as she said 'don't open the door'.

    I immediately let go of the door and apologised. When she came out of her room she seemed really pissed off and went "If I say don't open the door or I don't answer don't open the door. You did that last time aswell". I'm quite a sensitive person so I felt a bit hurt, I just wanted to make sure that she was ok. I didn't mean to anger her or anything. Now I feel awful
    Waste of time feeling awful. You did it with good inteions , but I think you were misguided. How shocking to lose a flatmate like that, presumably she knows? Even so unless you get permission to enter then do not do so. She will have seen it as a big invasion of privacy. Just apologise and let her know it wont happen again, maybe a note under the door if she wont speak direct. Move on from it.
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    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    Still unclear as to whether or not she has a lock on the door. If she does, then she can't whinge, just lock the ****ing door. If not, then really you shouldn't take no answer as "I should enter immediately" - if they don't answer, knock again and ask if they're okay... still no answer, knock once more and tell them you're coming in if they don't answer as you're worried. THEN, if they don't answer, go on in.
    I basically agree with this. Just knocking once is not enough for you to let yourself in. Now in third year I don't have a lock on my door (for the first time since being at uni) and while I was on the phone a male housemate knocked on my door - long story short, he let himself in while I wasn't dressed.

    I live with people I've been friends with since first year and if they didn't answer a first knock I still wouldn't just walk in. You clearly only had good intentions so just apologise and explain that you won't do it again, there is no need to beat yourself up about it. Honestly after the apology you shouldn't even think about it again, it's really not that deep

    Also I'm of the opinion that just because someone has a lock on their door but hasn't locked it (for whatever reason) that doesn't mean 'tough luck you should have just locked your door', it's common courtesy to respect personal space.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Another)
    "I've been depressed before in the past" doesn't equate to "Please check on me every 12 hours like I'm not a competent adult", Jesus.




    Whoops, didn't realise it was a different Anon

    For the most part, depression very rarely leads on to suicide. If you've seen absolutely no sign of her for 48 hours, maybe then you should be concerned. Otherwise, she didn't move all the way out to Uni just to be parented on by flatmates!
    I guess you're right. One of my childhood friends took his life 3 weeks ago and now another guy I used to go to school with took his life yesterday. I guess these incidents have just made me more paranoid especially if I know that someone has depression. Maybe seeking therapy would help me worry less.

    Thanks for the kind words all. Oh and to the person who asked, yes her door has a lock.
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    You meant well. Don't be hard on yourself.

    So sad about these young suicides.
 
 
 
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