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    He might think he's in the friend zone
    • #3
    #3

    Some people are really harsh on this thread - this is not a petty issue. When you are in a relationship, talking regularly is important. I understand there are some relationships that don't need that, and that is okay, but obv for OP it is important.

    I am a rubbish texter, I find it hard to text my friends often, but I can always text my bf! You don't even need to reply quickly, I sometimes reply an hour or two later, but I reply. If he was interested in talking to you, he would reply. So this does seem to be an issue. Perhaps if he really hates texting, look for other ways of communications? Skype or chat on the phone for an hour before you sleep etc?

    It is best you to talk to him about it face to face, so you can deal with it together and maybe even come to a compromise. Maybe talk about it when he isn't as stress, so perhaps you need to wait a while, but in the meantime, don't give up texting him, it might encourage him to text more. If you cannot wait, make sure the conversation doesn't lead to an argument, keep your cool.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    I'm sorry, but you are overthinking this way too much.

    I would advise trying to relax about this situation and accept it for what it is; hounding him for texts is only going to serve to drive him away. People have different communication styles and not every person needs to be in contact with their partner frequently, at least to the degree where texting becomes a necessity.

    It sounds like he just sucks at texting, hence why he doesn't ask much about you.
    She is not hounding him for texts. If she is going to ask a guy "How are you? I am here for you" etc. It is extremely odd if he doesn't reply to his GF, not even with a "Thank you"! It just seems like he doesn't care...it doesn't take much effort to text someone you care about or like/love. If he really hates texting that much, they should look at another way of communication he would prefer. Communication is important in relationships. If he is the type that doesn't like being in contact frequently (but he still cares about his GF) then he needs to be honest about it instead of giving her false hope (like he has) and they need to come up with a system (like quickly talking before sleep, or texting every other day etc) that will make them both happy. This sort of frustration isn't good for a relationship and I can completely understand why she feels frustration.
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    Hmm I don't agree with a lot of the replies on this post. If he wasn't into her why would he entertain seeing her 3-4 times a week? In my opinion they spend a great deal of time together. I wouldn't be bothered if my boyfriend didn't text me a lot if I was getting to spend quality time with him.

    Texting isn't for everyone and the amount of texts someone sends certainly doesn't determine how much they like you. Also when people are down /depressed etc sometimes they are so in their feelings that it doesn't cross their mind to ask how the other person is doing at that moment in time (I am in no way saying that it is acceptable, it just happens).

    He's having a tough time right now and you shouldn't take the fact he didn't ask how you were to heart. You have spent 6 months in his presence so you will know his true character, don't let trivial issues spoil your relationship. If you want to address anything, talk to him in person. If you feel his texting is a problem it doesn't help too text him to tell him this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. We have taken things quite slow and have only really been official for a few months. I see him 3-4 times a week mainly evenings where we just chill out and watch tv. We occasionally go out for dinner or walks.

    I really really like him. I'm pretty sure I'm in love but I'm too scared to tell him just in case he doesn't feel the same way. There is one issue that really really bugs me. He is so rubbish at texting me back when we don't see each other. The only time he is good at texting back is when I am sort of having a go at him for being so rubbish with replying. So the times I have brought this issue up is through text and he has said he will try and get better and make the effort. But this has not happened.

    I was working late last night so I didn't see him. He is having a rough time at work at the moment and is thinking about quitting. I think this will mean he will move back to his parents which is 40 min drive away which means I will see him even less. I sent him a text asking him how work was etc and he replied about it still being rubbish. Didn't even ask how I was or how my day was. I sent him another two texts last night saying how I am always there if he needs to talk asking how his evening was going etc and no reply. It's frustrates me so much.

    Everything is absolutely fine when we are together. and it's not even like he doesn't go on his phone much because when we are together he regularly looks at it and goes on Facebook or twitter.

    It stresses me out so much because I feel ignored by him. I'm not sure if I am just being too petty though? It is getting to the stage where I am thinking of calling it a day. But also I feel so bad because of the work stuff that he is going through at the moment. Any advice?
    As a person of the male sex i'm pretty sure i would be 100% potato and not do anything you wishes unless you asked for it. o.o

    "Didn't even ask how I was or how my day was"
    Usually if you ask him he'll ask back. That's what people do right?
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Yes, this is petty. Not everyone is great at texting or feels the need to be glued to their phone all day.

    Seriously, guy's having difficulty at work and you're pestering him over the frequency/quality of texting, which in itself is simply a poor form of communicating. If everything else is fine, especially in person, is there really any need to make this an issue?

    I'd say let it go and just be content with what you have.
    It's not petty, she's talking about her feelings and wants help. Be "content with what [she has]"? No! She wants and needs more, that's why she posted.

    I would counsel taking the risk and telling him how you feel. He might say no, but he also might say yes. Keep in mind that people don't change much, so the issue of texting may reflect a deeper lack of involvement. Good luck.
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    (Original post by cherryred90s)
    So he's purposely ignoring you. I'm very sceptical about rubbish texters who always have their phone in their hand when im with them
    Or in an unlikely situation they may get so many messages that it just gets pushed to the bottom, but you'd think they might have a little look at some point?

    People who purposely ignore people are the worst, but sometimes what can you do? If you don't feel in the mood to speak with someone.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    Hmm I don't agree with a lot of the replies on this post. If he wasn't into her why would he entertain seeing her 3-4 times a week? In my opinion they spend a great deal of time together. I wouldn't be bothered if my boyfriend didn't text me a lot if I was getting to spend quality time with him.

    Texting isn't for everyone and the amount of texts someone sends certainly doesn't determine how much they like you. Also when people are down /depressed etc sometimes they are so in their feelings that it doesn't cross their mind to ask how the other person is doing at that moment in time (I am in no way saying that it is acceptable, it just happens).

    He's having a tough time right now and you shouldn't take the fact he didn't ask how you were to heart. You have spent 6 months in his presence so you will know his true character, don't let trivial issues spoil your relationship. If you want to address anything, talk to him in person. If you feel his texting is a problem it doesn't help too text him to tell him this.
    Agreed if you are seeing him 3/4 times a week and things seem fine. If he's suddenly argumentative with you and it seems like he's genuinely avoiding you then you need to find a new partner as he obviously isn't committed.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    Hmm I don't agree with a lot of the replies on this post. If he wasn't into her why would he entertain seeing her 3-4 times a week? In my opinion they spend a great deal of time together. I wouldn't be bothered if my boyfriend didn't text me a lot if I was getting to spend quality time with him.

    Texting isn't for everyone and the amount of texts someone sends certainly doesn't determine how much they like you. Also when people are down /depressed etc sometimes they are so in their feelings that it doesn't cross their mind to ask how the other person is doing at that moment in time (I am in no way saying that it is acceptable, it just happens).

    He's having a tough time right now and you shouldn't take the fact he didn't ask how you were to heart. You have spent 6 months in his presence so you will know his true character, don't let trivial issues spoil your relationship. If you want to address anything, talk to him in person. If you feel his texting is a problem it doesn't help too text him to tell him this.
    It's very possible he might just be into the idea of going out with a girl, not necessarily interested in her. If he moved far away, I wonder if he'd still travel a good distance to see her. It's convenient for him now.

    I can only judge by what OP has said, I don't know him, it's just from what I can tell. I know rubbish texters who spend plenty of time texting someone they're in a relationship with.

    Obviously, he's done nothing wrong because she hasn't properly communicated how she feels to him, so there's no reaction to gauge.
    • #4
    #4

    Chill out.
    Maybe he doesn't reply quick or feel like he doesn't have to because you see him so often during the week. However this doesn't mean he cant reply at all.

    I don't think its a big enough problem for you to have to end the relationship, its only texting.

    Good luck!
    • #5
    #5

    Well I'm a girl but
    Try ringing him instead and talking on the phone in the evening? maybe even facetime/ skype/ whatsapp video call? Texting is kinda long af esp if you wanna text for the sake of socialising and not just arranging a meeting or sending a memo.

    Not everyone grew up with a blackberry in their hands and can type a million miles a minute lol

    There's just people that are crap texters.

    Also if he's having a bad day/ week/ time at work I'm pretty sure he really dont give af about how your day went :lol: soz gurl
    let's be real your expectations of him are too high and he doesn't even know you want something serious with him, you wouldn't expect your friend to go out of their way to text you consistently and regularly...
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    (Original post by Abdukazam)
    Agreed if you are seeing him 3/4 times a week and things seem fine. If he's suddenly argumentative with you and it seems like he's genuinely avoiding you then you need to find a new partner as he obviously isn't committed.
    sex maybe?

    *See keep me hanging on - the Supremes
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you all for your replies. Some of them tough to read but has made me think about things in different ways. He has told me a few times that he wouldn't spend so much time with me if he didn't like me. I think I'm just not used to being with someone who seems so closed off and is happy to not talk to me for a couple of days. I need more emotional support than he does. And I am very insecure. That's difficult to try to overcome. At the end of the day I need to be happy and if he can't make the effort for that to happen and reap the benefits of the love and support and fun times that I can give him from being happy then one day there will be someone who will make that effort. I am still unsure of what to do but I know I need to talk to him about it face to face and try not to worry about upsetting him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Some people are really harsh on this thread - this is not a petty issue. When you are in a relationship, talking regularly is important. I understand there are some relationships that don't need that, and that is okay, but obv for OP it is important.
    Communicating in general, yes, but it doesn't seem as if she's lacking in that regard. Only via text, which really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. Okay if the OP finds it important then that is her decision, but honestly I just think it's one of those things that can easily be ignored; there are so many far more significant elements of a relationship.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She is not hounding him for texts. If she is going to ask a guy "How are you? I am here for you" etc. It is extremely odd if he doesn't reply to his GF, not even with a "Thank you"! It just seems like he doesn't care...it doesn't take much effort to text someone you care about or like/love. If he really hates texting that much, they should look at another way of communication he would prefer.
    They communicate fine in real life. Just text. She is making a deal out of there being a lack of texting. If he's struggling with work or has far more important things to do, I honestly don't blame him for not bothering. I was in an LDR for years and would only text when I could; I worked, I did other things, I wasn't glued to my phone.

    (Original post by alcibiade)
    It's not petty, she's talking about her feelings and wants help. Be "content with what [she has]"? No! She wants and needs more, that's why she posted.
    Then it's worth her reconsidering how she feels, because this really isn't as much of an issue as she's painting it out to be. It's so trivial. That isn't to undermine how she feels, in fact I can perfectly understand where she's coming from, but it's just looking for an issue where there isn't any.


    OP: If texting is that important to you then you need to reach an agreement with your partner.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. We have taken things quite slow and have only really been official for a few months. I see him 3-4 times a week mainly evenings where we just chill out and watch tv. We occasionally go out for dinner or walks.

    I really really like him. I'm pretty sure I'm in love but I'm too scared to tell him just in case he doesn't feel the same way. There is one issue that really really bugs me. He is so rubbish at texting me back when we don't see each other. The only time he is good at texting back is when I am sort of having a go at him for being so rubbish with replying. So the times I have brought this issue up is through text and he has said he will try and get better and make the effort. But this has not happened.

    I was working late last night so I didn't see him. He is having a rough time at work at the moment and is thinking about quitting. I think this will mean he will move back to his parents which is 40 min drive away which means I will see him even less. I sent him a text asking him how work was etc and he replied about it still being rubbish. Didn't even ask how I was or how my day was. I sent him another two texts last night saying how I am always there if he needs to talk asking how his evening was going etc and no reply. It's frustrates me so much.

    Everything is absolutely fine when we are together. and it's not even like he doesn't go on his phone much because when we are together he regularly looks at it and goes on Facebook or twitter.

    It stresses me out so much because I feel ignored by him. I'm not sure if I am just being too petty though? It is getting to the stage where I am thinking of calling it a day. But also I feel so bad because of the work stuff that he is going through at the moment. Any advice?
    he's just not that into you
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    Then it's worth her reconsidering how she feels, because this really isn't as much of an issue as she's painting it out to be. It's so trivial. That isn't to undermine how she feels, in fact I can perfectly understand where she's coming from, but it's just looking for an issue where there isn't any.

    OP: If texting is that important to you then you need to reach an agreement with your partner.
    Your tone appears arrogant and harsh. We don't know how young this person is or what her situation is, perhaps she is extremely shy and lonely. For some people, a text is an extremely intimate life line, don't be so flippant. This is a person feeling vulnerable.
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    (Original post by alcibiade)
    Your tone appears arrogant and harsh. We don't know how young this person is or what her situation is, perhaps she is extremely shy and lonely. For some people, a text is an extremely intimate life line, don't be so flippant. This is a person feeling vulnerable.
    It's an internet forum and we communicate through text. There is no "tone".

    Regardless of her age or situation, texting is not the most important aspect of a relationship and she'd be better off focusing on the good experiences that she shares with her partner instead of picking up on such a trivial thing.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by SpiritSharD)

    They communicate fine in real life. Just text. She is making a deal out of there being a lack of texting. If he's struggling with work or has far more important things to do, I honestly don't blame him for not bothering. I was in an LDR for years and would only text when I could; I worked, I did other things, I wasn't glued to my phone.

    When they are not together...you think it is fine he doesn't communicate much/at all with her? You obviously haven'y been reading what she says....the guy spends a lot of time on this phone, so no he isn't doing others things...he can text her...if he hates texting that much, he needs to be honest with her instead of saying he will do something and then doesn't bother
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    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    It's an internet forum and we communicate through text. There is no "tone".

    Regardless of her age or situation, texting is not the most important aspect of a relationship and she'd be better off focusing on the good experiences that she shares with her partner instead of picking up on such a trivial thing.
    Of course it's not the most important aspect of a relationship, but you have so little empathy into the fact that someone in a different situation can see things differently than you. Very differently. You've said you piece, now lay off.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by SpiritSharD)
    It's an internet forum and we communicate through text. There is no "tone".

    Regardless of her age or situation, texting is not the most important aspect of a relationship and she'd be better off focusing on the good experiences that she shares with her partner instead of picking up on such a trivial thing.
    There are various ways to add "tone" to messages you write...so saying that is incorrect.

    "Yeah..I'm fine"

    vs

    "Hey, yeah, I'm good "

    You can argue you can interpret it in many ways, but you can set tone in most cases

    It isn't about texting...she isn't expecting conversations with him, she wants to be acknowledged when they are not together. The guy not even replying to her offering help just sounds like he doesn't care. If my partner messaged me whilst I was busy, I would still text back saying I'm busy and can't talk. If he asked how I was...it is rude to not text back...I text my partner to see how he is...it can tell you a lot about someone if they don't reply to you when you are their GF/BF. Please stop saying this is a trivial issue...it is something they need to sort out/come to a compromise to
 
 
 
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