Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Can some check and edit the grammar for please mainly apostrophes Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Elle has just 3 days remaining. Her sunken eyes are lifeless, beneath is an pool of grey hues ranging from the dark deepest grey to the palest grey almost as white as snow. She’s hunched over a desk painted with papers and pens with only- 3 days remaining. Inside her head are perpetual, incessant thoughts which she can’t fathom nor control. As she hastily writes her essays she challenges herself why? Her raw red callouses on the inside of her hard palms burn like a red flame, yet still she sustains focus and continues…Elle is just one of many thousands of young girls being feeling the need to succumb to the increasing amount of pressure and perplexity of exams. Exams are detrimental to a young persons life. It cannot be denied that there are endless more Elle’s over-working themselves just for the sake of an exam. It is not teaching them ‘independence’ or ‘preparing them for universities.It is inflicting unnecessary trauma and heart ache on young people. Exams should be banned! For the sake of young people and the future generations of Elle’s. Young people are three times more likely to experience a panic attack during exam season. Exams cause unnecessary stress and inflict pain on young people. Stress is significant because it comes in different forms such as emotional, social and physical. The insistent stress which is so devastatingly detrimental and leaves a scar on many young peoples memory. It is simply wrong that young people endure such great stress at such a young and fragile age. It cannot be dismissed and swept under the carpet. Exam stress needs addressing. Change needs to happen! There has being an increase by 20% in cases of diagnosed anxiety in young people this is fearfully frightening and worrying that stress is spilling out into all areas and aspects of young peoples lives and sticking like gum to a young persons life. It is unjust! This statistics show how copious amounts of persistent over working and late nights affect young people. As the pressure to perform becomes increasingly formidable and just too much. Many young people bury their heads in the sand. Everybody should be entitled to a happy and carefree life, their eyes should glisten like diamonds instead of being depressed and having lifeless eyes.Exams only contribute to causing eating disorders and a downward spiral of depression and lack of optimism. Personally I believe that exams make us feel worthless and we lack motivation to aspire to greater things. Should a young persons life really be like this? In addition to stress exams burden parents with huge bills for tutors and books. It should not be this way. This money could contribute to extra-curricular activities to enrich a young persons perspective on life, or provide them with opportunities and open doors to a whole range of different and exciting careers. Exams are too expensive! We must stop allowing parents to splurge on tutors to cater to the examiners needs to feel ‘content’ with a grade. Life is to be lived! Elle’s parents have spent approximately £1,680 just in one year for tutors. Staggeringly this is not surprising; Dr John Ward an economics professor from Oxford University, stated in 2015 parents reported spending £200 a month on tutors this is a 20% increase compared to 2014. This is due to the changing criteria examiners are seeking; sieving the brightest from the weakest on preparation for the competitive nature of work. The demands are increasing. We simply cannot stand and watch such a crisis happen. Money and exams inflicts an enormous amount of pressure on family life meaning parents work for longer and retire later. Parents should not have to spend this amount of money. It is simply unethical! Parents should be investing in other more purposeful activities to broaden a child’s CV, not on tutoring to pass exams. Which inevitably increases the pass rate for other less well off or able children making it unfair. Subsequently society need to understand simply don’t suit everyone! Todays culture has created a viewpoint that exams are the only way to succeed in life. Parents are spending stupendous amounts of money on exams to fit a one type of learning style. 2 in 5 in pupils will not make the pass mark for maths.For some pupils it is because they are a hands on learner and exams just don’t suit their learning style. Exams leave them feeling: dumb, depressed and devastated. James for example is more suited to learning through doing jobs, during his GCSEs he simply couldn’t learn the work, for him memorising information is traumatic and drives him into a meltdown where his mind overworks and he cannot help but dismiss his own intellectual abilities. This leads James in a state where he cannot reach out to his mum and friends. James became depressed due to exams.Why should we be pushing a system to fit just one type of learning style? This is biased and you should take action. As a society we are making exams seem the only option; the only way to succeed in life. When in fact if you go and explore the world you will find that there are many more options such as BTECs. It cannot be denied that young people are feeling like failures due to society. There is no need to create a culture of belittling and putting others down, we should embrace our differences as that is what makes the human race unique not the grade you got in an exam. It is critical that you step up and help make a change. Together people can make a difference and change our educational system. We simply cannot see future generations be like Elle, we must learn from her experience and put and end to these long and drawn out exams that inflict trauma stress and depression on our young people. What are we doing to them? What message are we portraying? I for one cannot allow this to happen.There cannot be endless more future Elle’s… It must end at Elle. The endless financial ties to tutors the nights of tears trickling down worn out and desperate young peoples faces. The ever-changing world we live in today is hard and difficult and this is what we should be preparing them for the world not exams. Together we can make a difference. Take action!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Hey, I corrected it for you and great piece by the way! Idk if you can see but I put a '(?)' before and after a sentence that didn't really make sense or wasn't finished.
    The sentence is: Subsequently society need to understand simply don’t suit everyone!

    Elle has just 3 days remaining. Her sunken eyes are lifeless, beneath is a pool of grey hues ranging from the deepest dark grey to the palest grey almost as white as snow. She’s hunched over a desk painted with papers and pens with only 3 days remaining. Inside her head are perpetual, incessant thoughts which she can’t fathom nor control. As she hastily writes her essays she challenges herself why? The raw red callouses on the inside of her hard palms burn like a red flame, yet still she sustains focus and continues… Elle is just one of many thousands of young girls feeling the need to succumb to the increasing amount of pressure and perplexity of exams. Exams are detrimental to a young person's life. It cannot be denied that there are endless more Elle’s over-working themselves just for the sake of an exam. It is not teaching them ‘independence’ or ‘preparing them for university'. It is inflicting unnecessary trauma and heart ache on young people. Exams should be banned! For the sake of young people and the future generations of Elle’s. Young people are three times more likely to experience a panic attack during exam season. Exams cause unnecessary stress and inflict pain on young people. Stress is significant because it comes in different forms such as emotional, social and physical. The insistent stress which is so devastatingly detrimental, leaves a scar on many young peoples memory. It is simply wrong that young people endure such great stress at such a young and fragile age. It cannot be dismissed and swept under the rug. Exam stress needs addressing. Change needs to happen! There has been an increase by 20% in cases of diagnosed anxiety in young people. This is fearfully frightening and worrying that stress is spilling out into all areas and aspects of young people's lives and sticking like gum to a young person's life. It is unjust! This statistics show how copious amounts of persistent overworking and late nights affect young people. As the pressure to perform becomes increasingly formidable and just too much. Many young people bury their heads in the sand. Everybody should be entitled to a happy and carefree life, their eyes should glisten like diamonds instead of being depressed and having lifeless eyes. Exams only contribute to causing eating disorders and a downward spiral into depression and lack of optimism. Personally, I believe that exams make us feel worthless and we lack motivation to aspire to greater things. Should a young person's life really be like this? In addition to stress, exams burden parents with huge bills for tutors and books. It should not be this way. This money could contribute to extra-curricular activities to enrich a young person's perspective on life or provide them with opportunities and open doors to a whole range of different and exciting careers. Exams are too expensive! We must stop allowing parents to splurge on tutors to cater to the examiners needs to feel ‘content’ with a grade. Life is to be lived! Elle’s parents have spent approximately £1,680 just in one year for tutors. Staggeringly this is not surprising. Dr John Ward an economics professor from Oxford University stated, in 2015, parents reported spending £200 a month on tutors and this is a 20% increase compared to 2014. This is due to the changing criteria examiners are seeking; sieving the brightest from the weakest on preparation for the competitive nature of work. The demands are increasing. We simply cannot stand and watch such a crisis happen. Money and exams inflict an enormous amount of pressure on family life meaning parents work for longer and retire later. Parents should not have to spend this amount of money. It is simply unethical! Parents should be investing in other more purposeful activities to broaden a child’s CV, not on tutoring to pass exams. Which inevitably increases the pass rate for other less well off or able children making it unfair. (?) Subsequently, society need to understand simply don’t suit everyone! (?) Today's culture has created a viewpoint that exams are the only way to succeed in life. Parents are spending stupendous amounts of money on exams to fit one type of learning style. 2 in 5 in pupils will not make the pass mark for maths. For some pupils it is because they are hands-on learners and exams just don’t suit their learning style. Exams leave them feeling: dumb, depressed and devastated. James for example is more suited to learning through doing jobs. During his GCSEs he simply couldn’t learn the work, for him, memorising information is traumatic and drives him into a meltdown where his mind overworks and he cannot help but dismiss his own intellectual abilities. This leads James in a state where he cannot reach out to his mum and friends. James became depressed due to exams. Why should we be pushing a system to fit just one type of learning style? This is biased and you should take action. As a society we are making exams seem the only option; the only way to succeed in life. When in fact if you go and explore the world you will find that there are many more options such as BTEC diplomas. It cannot be denied that young people are feeling like failures due to society. There is no need to create a culture of belittling and putting others down, we should embrace our differences as that is what makes the human race unique not the grade you got in an exam. It is critical that you step up and help make a change. Together, people can make a difference and change our educational system. We simply cannot see future generations be like Elle, we must learn from her experience and put an end to these long and drawn out exams that inflict trauma, stress and depression on our young people. What are we doing to them? What message are we portraying? I for one cannot allow this to happen. There cannot be an endless future of Elles… It must end at Elle. The endless financial ties to tutors, the nights of tears trickling down worn out and desperate young people's faces. The ever-changing world we live in today is hard and difficult and we should be preparing them for the world, not exams. Together we can make a difference. Take action!
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
    Useful resources

    Make your revision easier

    OMAM

    Ultimate Of Mice And Men Thread

    Plot, context, character analysis and everything in between.

    Notes

    Revision Hub

    All our revision materials in one place

    Love books

    Common grammar and vocabulary problems

    Get your questions asked and answered

    Useful literary websitesStudy help rules and posting guidelines

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.