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Was I right to have a go at my friend? Watch

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    There is a guy who I've been friends with/had feelings for for about a year.

    I kind of fell for him right away, but in the beginning we were just FWB as he didn't want more due to moving away, but told me that he liked me. I was ok with it but then my feelings developed and I wanted more, and so it ended.

    I then later found out he'd been sexually attracted but said he'd have never dated me as I was too quiet and shy for him, and more 'full-on', even though he 'really liked me as a friend'.

    It was hurtful and I let him know but about a month later (he'd moved away) we started talking again online as friends. He would flirt a little here and there but I didn't take it seriously.
    About a month later, he started being really full-on and flirting, talking about the sex we had and saying he'd like to do it again, but then said he didn't wanna hurt me if I had feelings.

    I thought i'd gotten over him, and went along with it, but then realised I wasn't satisfied with just that, and it ended up with an argument.

    I tried for months to get over him, he told me again he was attracted to me but only liked me as a friend, didn't want anything more with me etc. and I just stopped talking to him for a few weeks, but I didn't want to lose him as a friend as we got on well and he was important to me.

    Anyway 2 months later and I still liked him but that was all behind us and we were getting on well as friends. Then he starts again, making sexual comments towards me. I just ended up getting really upset and had a massive go at him.

    He claimed he didn't realise it had hurt me, even though I'd told him the previous time that it hurt me, he said he thought I was over him and he wasn't doing it to hurt me, and that he'd never do it again (but he'd said the same thing the last time)

    I told him it was cruel to keep making sexual comments towards me and to imply he wanted to sleep together again; knowing that he would never consider me as a girlfriend whether he was i nthe country or not, and that it was giving me false hope.

    I told him it was arrogant and selfish behaviour and that he had put me through enough.

    He was very sorry, said he felt really bad and promised he'd never do it again, but he said that the previous time too (few months ago). He says he doesn't want anyone, doesn't want a girlfriend at all for the moment, but again admitted that he's only attracted 'physically' (even if we are great friends)

    Was I right to get annoyed at him? I'm trying to stop talking to him for good. Thanks
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    You were well within reason to be irritated that he kept trying to initiate another fwb situation despite knowing you wanted more and after you said you didn't want more casual sex with him and he agreed to be only friends (without benefits).
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the reply, I'm glad to know I was within my rights It's hard because I admit I liked the fact that he was flirting with me; I found it hard to say no to him and then found myself flirting back ,but in the end I just knew deep down that it would never be more than that. He claims that now we can be only friends with nothing more, but I just feel like he will do it again. He said some girls there have asked him out but he doesn't want a relationship with anyone, but I told him i'm not here just for his entertainment until he's ready for a relationship with another girl, which won't be me..

    I'll try to cut him out for good, it's hard, but the only way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the reply, I'm glad to know I was within my rights It's hard because I admit I liked the fact that he was flirting with me; I found it hard to say no to him and then found myself flirting back ,but in the end I just knew deep down that it would never be more than that. He claims that now we can be only friends with nothing more, but I just feel like he will do it again. He said some girls there have asked him out but he doesn't want a relationship with anyone, but I told him i'm not here just for his entertainment until he's ready for a relationship with another girl, which won't be me..

    I'll try to cut him out for good, it's hard, but the only way.
    why would you have sex with a guy if he didnt want a relationship?
    Its your own fault for getting used.
    • #2
    #2

    you are totally in the right as youve told him multiple times you want a relationship and not casual sex. To be honest he probably fully knows this (hasnt "forgotten") and just tries his luck anyway knowing you really like him and therefore are less likely to reject him than another girl might which isnt fair on you and he is totally trying to take advantage of you

    if i was you id just cut off all contact, i know hes your friend but what are you getting out of this really? hes clearly just after you for sex and he even pulled a classic manipulation tactic by saying "now we can only ever be friends and nothing more" which at face value sounds like hes doing what you want but it gives an undertone of oh maybe you should sleep with him or youve ruined your chances of ever getting into a relationship when he IS ready for one as he may move on from you due to being "just friends and nothing else".
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the replies... yeah it just ends up hurting me as he confirmed to me that he's only interested in me for sex but wouldn't date me as I'm 'too quiet' and we have 'different visions', but on the other hand says I have 'everything going for me' and he 'really likes me as a friend'. I do feel bad, because I tore him to shreds in the conversation. I apologised after, but I acted that way out of hurt. This exact thing happened about 4-5 months ago and it ended in the same argument. 2 months prior to that, I asked him why he always flirted with me despite not wanting more and he said it was 'just the way he was'.

    It's also my fault; in the beginning nobody forced me to sleep with him. I said no to FWB at first because I knew he wasn't interested in more, but then he told me he 'really liked me deep down' and 'just wanted to spend time with me before leaving', so I decided to give it a go, but then he stopped, saying he 'only saw me as a friend'.

    it's true, I need to ask myself what I'm getting out of it. It's a shame he is also one of my best friends.. I've told him that this cannot happen again, and he promised it wouldn't, but I bet it will. I told him i'm not just there for his entertainment until someone better comes along; someone who he'd actually consider going out with.
 
 
 
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