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Depressed at University watch

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    I'm only first year of University. In regards to grades I'm fine, iI haven't got any lower than 70%. I didn't really do freshers week because I don't really like clubbing. I went out the first 3 nights and ended up having panic attacks during all attempts because I couldn't stand the panicked feeling. My coursemates are massively cliquey. I've made 2 friends on my course, but they all commute and one is mature (well, she's 25.)

    I've joined a films society but the only chance you get to talk to people is at the start and everyone is already in their own little groups in mid conversation so it intimidates me and I sit alone. The odd society I have went to and I've talked to people never turn up to an event again. I'd try contacting them to see if they would turn up and it's either a no or I'm blanked altogether.

    I don't know if this is relevant but I go to a top uni and I'm not particularly well off financially or come from a envied background whereas the rest of the student demographic from my uni tend to be mostly middle class so I don't really have anything in common with them.

    The one of the 3 friends I made isn't doing very well with her course. She's failing all of her tests and appears to have given up hope. I've tried to help her with work but it looks like she may be contemplating dropping out.

    My self-esteem was low enough as it is before uni. I'm just locking myself in my room and just end up having episodes where I'll cry for no reason. I've contemplated dropping out, but I wouldn't be able to face my parents. I've always been known as being the "smart one" in the family so if I lost this, I'd pretty much be nothing.

    I constantly see students with their friends having the time of their lives and that makes me feel worse. The only real events the uni does is clubbing events, which even if I did want to put myself through that again, I have no-one to go with.

    Is there anyone else who has been through something like this? Is it true if you haven't made any solid friends by first semster, you're in trouble? I don't know a single person in my entire friendship group from home or family who have attended sixth form, yet alone uni to help me with this.

    Thank you

    I'm in a similar situation in that I have no friends, nobody to sit to in lectures, or to go out with. However I don't really care, it's my second attempt at uni and I'm here for the grades nothing else. I suggest you look at it the same way. Friends will come and if they sense desperation on you then they won't stick, so just focus on your grades and everything else will come in time.

    Don't worry about making friendships. If they're going to be meaningful, you'll make them effortlessly.

    About your isolation, don't worry about it. Just as you feel lonely, I'm sure there are also plenty of others, whether they make that clear or not; someone with more friends than you can count, might only have superficial relationships with them. And I think they're as valuable as none at all. Try to be contended with your own company for the time being. And as you bump into more people, you'll gravitate towards like-minds.

    I understand how it feels to have come from an impoverished background, and aspiring to do something unprecedented in your family history. I'm applying to be a doctor. And EVERYBODY there, is affluent. I know sometimes it's hard to find common ground. BUT, remember, you're surrounded by them for a reason; you have similar interests. You too must have more in common with them than you realise? Your subject choice for one. And generally, that indicates more commonalities. So there are ways to have SOME interaction with people. And why should it be awkward to approach a group? If they are any decent people, they will accommodate you; loneliness is a feeling everyone's felt.

    Best wishes!

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