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I'm 17 and I've never been out with a girl, kissed, held hands or had a girlfriend watch

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    (Original post by DanF2000)
    I turned 17 yesterday and I realised have never had a girlfriend, kissed or been kissed or cuddled a girl before. I'm quite overweight (have been my whole life and the doctors are saying it could be genetics/hormonal problems) and I have Aspergers. More and more people are becoming couples at my school and even the girl I've been best friends with and kinda had a crush on has been out/kissed a boy (even if it was 10 years ago). I sometimes feel like my hormones are going haywire as I seem to find a lot of girls, most who have a boyfriend, attractive and I'm hoping this will calm down soon. I'm not the type of person who likes to go out late, partying, drinking, etc. But I am someone who's very shy but I have good hobbies (cooking, reading, going for walks) and I care a lot more about the personality and soul of a person rather than appearance. I like to go out to friends, play videogames (Pokemon) together for an hour in the day but this is about once every two months. And I'm one of those people who doesn't stay out late compared to everyone else and actually likes to be at home. Could these be the reason why I have never had a girlfriend? Also, I've been thinking that when I go to Uni, I could meet someone there so what would be the chances of this? Thanks
    Go to the gym, hit the weights, do some cardio as this will increase your confidence.

    You're only 17, you have plenty of time to find a girlfriend .

    Focus on your hobbies, such as reading, going for walks, playing video games and have fun with your friends.

    Just be happy and proud of yourself. As stated, hit the weights to make yourself feel better, focus on the things that make you happy.

    Good luck
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    tbh OP it's pretty normal at your age.
    I'm 17.5 (and two days) and i havent either.
    tbh unless ur like incredibly obese (which i highly doubt you are) your weight won't make much difference.
    It's when you get to like 25 is when you should be concerned :P
    Me on the other hand.... i have acne so i have no hope XD
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    (Original post by Toasticide)
    tbh OP it's pretty normal at your age.
    I'm 17.5 (and two days) and i havent either.
    tbh unless ur like incredibly obese (which i highly doubt you are) your weight won't make much difference.
    It's when you get to like 25 is when you should be concerned :P
    Me on the other hand.... i have acne so i have no hope XD
    I had acne. Which medication/creams are you using?
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    (Original post by AppleB)
    I had acne. Which medication/creams are you using?
    I can't remember to be honest, when i was 12 i had this certain cream they said to keep using once a day (that kept bleaching EVERYTHING :/, so many stains in my duvet now its unreal) but after 3 years they said nah it ain't working and i just gave up really. Cream or no cream it seems to always be just as bad.

    To be honest though, it's not extremely bad acne but it's not mild either.... just enough to repel people who dont know me...
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    (Original post by Toasticide)
    I can't remember to be honest, when i was 12 i had this certain cream they said to keep using once a day (that kept bleaching EVERYTHING :/, so many stains in my duvet now its unreal) but after 3 years they said nah it ain't working and i just gave up really. Cream or no cream it seems to always be just as bad.

    To be honest though, it's not extremely bad acne but it's not mild either.... just enough to repel people who dont know me...
    Was it duac? Do you moisturise your skin often? Use moisturisers that contain vitamins and skin loving ingredients. I use simple because it contains vitamin B5 and vitamin E. How often do you exfoliate?

    I break out occasionally especially during/after exams.
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    (Original post by AppleB)
    Was it duac? Do you moisturise your skin often? Use moisturisers that contain vitamins and skin loving ingredients. I use simple because it contains vitamin B5 and vitamin E. How often do you exfoliate?

    I break out occasionally especially during/after exams.
    I exfoliate every day,
    i actually had a tiny bit of a tube left and yes it is Duac. I don't know what's in the stuff i use but ive done trial and error to see what reduces the redness :P
    Anyway, if you reply, dont expect me to speak until tomorrow sorry, gotta go
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    (Original post by DanF2000)
    I turned 17 yesterday and I realised have never had a girlfriend, kissed or been kissed or cuddled a girl before.
    Having a girlfriend when you're under the age of 18 is waste of your time - seriously. I had around 3 girlfriends before I was 13 and regretted all of them. To be fair, I only went out of with them because I didn't want them to kill themselves, as they proposed when I said I didn't want to. After 13 I never had a girlfriend and won't until I'm at the minimum age of 18. At least get education out the way before you get 5 girls pregnant and catch at least 15 different STI's.
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    (Original post by Toasticide)
    I exfoliate every day,
    i actually had a tiny bit of a tube left and yes it is Duac. I don't know what's in the stuff i use but ive done trial and error to see what reduces the redness :P
    Anyway, if you reply, dont expect me to speak until tomorrow sorry, gotta go
    Exfoliating everyday will cause breakouts and irritate your skin.

    Yes! I used duac!! I quite liked it tbf

    Lol alright
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    Hey man, I think I had almost exactly the same thought process as you when I turned 17 a little while ago. This post sums up my thoughts really well. A good chunk of my friends have SOs of some kind while I have never done anything in that realm. I'm pretty average weight and as far as I know, I'm not on the spectrum, so I can tell you that's not inherently what's holding you back.

    However, there's way more to life that, especially at 17. A lot of the time, the desire for a relationship is rooted in a desire for any form of intimacy in general. This void can often be filled with gaining new friendships (which is really hard I know. I don't make friends so easily these days and haven't made very many at college). I know it's rooted in hormones, but try to take a step back and think, do I genuinely desire a romantic relationship or am I just lonely?

    Basically, you're not the only one, but you'll find somebody one day (at least that's what I tell myself)
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    (Original post by bingoringo)
    Hey man, I think I had almost exactly the same thought process as you when I turned 17 a little while ago. This post sums up my thoughts really well. A good chunk of my friends have SOs of some kind while I have never done anything in that realm. I'm pretty average weight and as far as I know, I'm not on the spectrum, so I can tell you that's not inherently what's holding you back.

    However, there's way more to life that, especially at 17. A lot of the time, the desire for a relationship is rooted in a desire for any form of intimacy in general. This void can often be filled with gaining new friendships (which is really hard I know. I don't make friends so easily these days and haven't made very many at college). I know it's rooted in hormones, but try to take a step back and think, do I genuinely desire a romantic relationship or am I just lonely?

    Basically, you're not the only one, but you'll find somebody one day (at least that's what I tell myself)
    Thank you! It's been a while since I posted this but I made a different account and turned 18 back in January still haven't been out with a girl, kissed or held hands (did hug one early last month for my friend's birthday but I've been good friends with her for 13 years, so we've kinda friendzoned each other) I'm still overweight (15 or so st) and been trying pretty hard but I've started college, work, etc since then and next year I'm planning on going to Uni (staying in accomodation) so I'm hoping I can find someone there, or between then. I've also made new friends at college (only one girl in my course though) and on Discord so hoping that'll help my confidence, as well as slowly joining in with Voice Chats
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    (Original post by DanF2000)
    I turned 17 yesterday and I realised have never had a girlfriend, kissed or been kissed or cuddled a girl before. I'm quite overweight (have been my whole life and the doctors are saying it could be genetics/hormonal problems) and I have Aspergers. More and more people are becoming couples at my school and even the girl I've been best friends with and kinda had a crush on has been out/kissed a boy (even if it was 10 years ago). I sometimes feel like my hormones are going haywire as I seem to find a lot of girls, most who have a boyfriend, attractive and I'm hoping this will calm down soon.

    I'm not the type of person who likes to go out late, partying, drinking, etc. But I am someone who's very shy but I have good hobbies (cooking, reading, going for walks) and I care a lot more about the personality and soul of a person rather than appearance. I like to go out to friends, play videogames (Pokemon) together for an hour in the day but this is about once every two months. And I'm one of those people who doesn't stay out late compared to everyone else and actually likes to be at home. Could these be the reason why I have never had a girlfriend? Also, I've been thinking that when I go to Uni, I could meet someone there so what would be the chances of this? Thanks
    I'll set you a task.

    Go out and compliment 20 random women you find attractive on the street.

    It doesn't have to be a conversation, just go up to them, say "You look good today" and come back.

    Trust me, you are 17, if you don't do it now, you will have to do it later. I am nearly 30 and I've just started. I WISH I started being outgoing at 17. Trust me, you will NEVER get those years back so make them count NOW!

    Be jovial with it, don't take it seriously.

    I was in a similar situation to you at your age except my shyness was due to being skinny.

    At 21 I hit the gym and got jacked but that still didn't help.

    The secret (as someone who's seen his youth pass by him) is to actually talk to women and not let the knock backs get you down.

    If you could lose weight that would help but the main thing is to be able to have a laugh and a joke and be relaxed in female presence.

    Edit:

    For reference, I'm 28 now and never had a girlfriend before. It doesn't matter if you look like Brad Pritt you get nowhere if you just stay in your bedroom.
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    (Original post by crazykiller01)
    I'll set you a task.

    Go out and compliment 20 random women you find attractive on the street.

    It doesn't have to be a conversation, just go up to them, say "You look good today" and come back.

    Trust me, you are 17, if you don't do it now, you will have to do it later. I am nearly 30 and I've just started. I WISH I started being outgoing at 17. Trust me, you will NEVER get those years back so make them count NOW!

    Be jovial with it, don't take it seriously.

    I was in a similar situation to you at your age except my shyness was due to being skinny.

    At 21 I hit the gym and got jacked but that still didn't help.

    The secret (as someone who's seen his youth pass by him) is to actually talk to women and not let the knock backs get you down.

    If you could lose weight that would help but the main thing is to be able to have a laugh and a joke and be relaxed in female presence.

    Edit:

    For reference, I'm 28 now and never had a girlfriend before. It doesn't matter if you look like Brad Pritt you get nowhere if you just stay in your bedroom.
    Thanks for this! Yeah, confidence has always been a bit of an issue for me with my Aspergers Syndrome and social anxiety, but I'm slowly learning to overcome that. I mentioned yesterday that I've started joining Voice Chats (Discord) and even though it did take me an hour to build confidence, I eventually overcame the nervousness and said something. Hoping to join more of these in the future as well! Also I've been keeping in touch with a few girls from my old school (who stayed for A2 Levels when I left after my AS Levels to do a BTEC L3 at college) to see how they're getting on. So the confidence is increasing as the social anxiety slowly fades, but it's fairly slow. I'm just hoping Uni will give me a better chance with more girls with similar interests there (find it much much easier to talk to people with similar interests, whether it's a latest movie or show, or a game that just came out)

    As for that task, I'd likely just feel embarrassed, which is one key thing I hate being and have done since Primary where everyone in the class would stare at me since I was too shy to answer the register. If it's someone I know, I find it so much easier to talk to them. But first, I need to talk to them online and get to know them: it just feels awkward and out of place to say "Hey" to a random girl in the village/town... Thanks for the advice though!
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    Hey..

    According to me 17 is not a bad age your still young.. I understand you wish to have a girlfriend looking at other people and probably you wish to feel the same love as well. But trust me you have a whole life ahead of you just give it time. I am sure you will find someone who loves you for who you are and not because of you being healthy or not appealing. Just stay positive and work on yourself be it in terms of your schooling or other activities.

    I hope this helps..

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    Just wait till uni. Yes it may be frustrating for you if you really want to be in a relationship but normally these relationships don’t last (not all). Just focus on your education and once you get to uni you could date 🌷
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    #4

    Everyone on this thread is saying you'll be fine. But you probably won't. I also have Asperger's and every Asperger's forum I've been on was full of lonely virgins in their 30s and the occasional woman with an NT boyfriend. All you can do is accept your place and learn to be happy as you are, because nothing will change.
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    The vast majority of us men with Asperger's die virgins. There's nothing you can do and the sooner you accept it the happier you'll be. Every Asperger's forum I've been on was full of virgins in their 30s and a few women with NT boyfriends. It's just our biology, we're completely unattractive to women because we completely lack universally attractive personality traits like assertiveness and the ability to read body language and know what she wants from that. 90% of romance is the man reading the woman'd body language. Women convey attraction or interest entirely through body language. Just give up.
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    • #5
    #5

    I'm almost 19 and about to go to uni and I haven't done any of those things either. nothing to be worried about.
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    (Original post by IAmEmpty)
    The vast majority of us men with Asperger's die virgins. There's nothing you can do and the sooner you accept it the happier you'll be. Every Asperger's forum I've been on was full of virgins in their 30s and a few women with NT boyfriends. It's just our biology, we're completely unattractive to women because we completely lack universally attractive personality traits like assertiveness and the ability to read body language and know what she wants from that. 90% of romance is the man reading the woman'd body language. Women convey attraction or interest entirely through body language. Just give up.
    Is this really accurate? I have Aspergers so I'm kind of sh***ng myself atm.
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    17s not a big deal. I'm 18 and haven't, which I am very distressed by. It wouldn't be a big deal but my lack of social skills pretty much makes it impossible along with anxiety so I'm in a cycle of not improving.
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    (Original post by DanF2000)
    I turned 17 yesterday and I realised have never had a girlfriend, kissed or been kissed or cuddled a girl before. I'm quite overweight (have been my whole life and the doctors are saying it could be genetics/hormonal problems) and I have Aspergers. More and more people are becoming couples at my school and even the girl I've been best friends with and kinda had a crush on has been out/kissed a boy (even if it was 10 years ago). I sometimes feel like my hormones are going haywire as I seem to find a lot of girls, most who have a boyfriend, attractive and I'm hoping this will calm down soon. I'm not the type of person who likes to go out late, partying, drinking, etc. But I am someone who's very shy but I have good hobbies (cooking, reading, going for walks) and I care a lot more about the personality and soul of a person rather than appearance. I like to go out to friends, play videogames (Pokemon) together for an hour in the day but this is about once every two months. And I'm one of those people who doesn't stay out late compared to everyone else and actually likes to be at home. Could these be the reason why I have never had a girlfriend? Also, I've been thinking that when I go to Uni, I could meet someone there so what would be the chances of this? Thanks
    You'll find someone when the time is right! Don't go looking for love just enjoy life and love will come unexpectedly! Do what you love doing. You will meet a lot of new people at uni, especially girls
 
 
 
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