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I'm successful but depressed, sad and lonely inside watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by Pulsecube; 12-01-2017 at 22:17.
- 12-01-2017 21:50
- Thread Starter
- 12-01-2017 22:09
(Original post by Pulsecube)
- 12-01-2017 22:10
I'm a gay, male nurse in my early twenties. I got a first in my degree, have three A* grades at A-level in good subjects, and work in one of the busiest hospital departments in the country. I love my job; I work extra shifts a lot to distract myself from not having much of a personal life, and to distract me from my depression, which I take medication for, for the last four years.
I'm always upbeat at work; people know me as chatty, friendly and a hard-worker. I'm outgoing and confident in all aspects of my life; I'm always up for anything new and like to have fun. My mental pain is immense. I'm overworked (partly through choice), I have a lot of personal issues and I'm lonely. I see and deal with immense physical and emotional pain from patients every time I'm at work; I see the very best and the very worst of humanity all the time.
When I'm at home I can't stand to be on my own. I have a few friends but I don't do much with them outside of work because they're not that sort of people. I feel like giving my best at work is never good enough and that I've let myself, my colleagues and my patients down. I feel worthless, stupid and like nothing. I feel lonely, inferior and just sad. I cry when I'm on my own, I book more shifts than I should so I'm around people and have things to do. I give my absolute best to this job and it always feels like it's not good enough, which makes me feel like a failure, that nobody wants me, that nobody will ever want to be with me, even though I'm outgoing and decent-looking, with a professional job, earn 30k and have a caring heart. I don't know what to do.
- 12-01-2017 22:18
I would just like to say that I am in no way shape or form to deal with mental issues so this should be taken with a grain of salt.
The thing that strikes me about this is that your personal life is lonely, try fix that first:
If your good at a sport join a local club, it can be a great way to get to know people (although if your not good get good first before you join).
Download grindr or another dating app, talking to people, even online can help you remember that your not lonely.
I hope that my wonderfully cliche answers helped, hopefully it all gets better soon
- 13-01-2017 09:42
OP, I'm sorry about your situation and I hope it gets much better for you. Like others have said, it sounds like you're lonely. You need to confront this loneliness rather than running away from it by way of work. Put yourself out there and meet new people, there are some amazing and interesting people out there. If you feel inferior, work on that because people can sense it. Even if you put up a confident, bubbly image, people will not be drawn to you if you're broken inside.
Ask yourself why you feel inferior. Did anything occur in your life that would cause you to feel this way? Are you using success to make up for a lack of self esteem? If you rectify your internal state, I'm sure your external state will follow.