Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Was this rude of me? Watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So I work in an office and during my lunch break, I was typing out a personal email. I could sense for about 5 mins my deskmate/colleague was curious to see/ask what I was doing but thought if I just continued typing, he wouldn't ask (it was a private email and didn't really want to share any details about it)

    Eventually our convo goes something like this:
    Him: is that an email you're typing?
    Me: yeah...
    Him: that is a long email. Is it to a friend?
    Me: yeah...
    (At this point he probably wanted me to expand but as I said it was a private matter so didn't really know what else to say)
    Him: I'm guessing your friend lives abroad?
    Me: yeah they do.

    And then he stopped asking questions and I was busy typing my email for the rest of lunch.

    Usually I'm more responsive in convos and offer more detail. I just felt as if I was a bit rude without meaning to be. It's just whatever I was doing wasn't really open for discussion and I didn't really believe he would actually ask me what I was doing (maybe just be a little curious but then get on with his own thing).

    The way I operate, I never even look at other people's screens like I had no idea what he was doing over lunch so for me, even noting what someone else is doing is quite intrusive let alone actually asking. And like I said, it was a very private matter so questions weren't welcome.

    I didn't really want to actually say it was a private matter to him as that would make him have further questions. (Lol typing an email at work.. didn't think it could be controversial at all).

    Should I have handled differently?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    O wait, when he asked if it was to a friend, I think I replied "yeah. It's not a work email or anything"
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Personally, I would be quite annoyed if someone was to just start looking at my screen without my permission to see what I was up to. To then start asking questions about what you were doing, is quite rude. As you said; it was a private matter and frankly he shouldn't have been so intrusive on your business. I think you handled the situation well and I would have done the same thing.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by EmmaCx)
    Personally, I would be quite annoyed if someone was to just start looking at my screen without my permission to see what I was up to. To then start asking questions about what you were doing, is quite rude. As you said; it was a private matter and frankly he shouldn't have been so intrusive on your business. I think you handled the situation well and I would have done the same thing.
    Yeah I did feel it was rude especially since I wasn't trying to attract any attention to what I was doing and it's a trait I don't like in people simply because I would never do it. It's just aside from that, we do get on and hang out at lunches and quite friendly so maybe he felt comfortable enough to ask. But I did feel really uncomfortable as if I was being forced to offer details I don't want to. The rest of the afternoon, I thought he was a bit quieter than normal but may have just been busy. As was I. But was just wondering whether I needed to say more? I find lots of people just share everything but I'm just a bit more private. I don't usually mind saying things if I'm specifically asked. Just this was actually a private matter.
    • TSR Support Team
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I would have probably said the same as you tbh. It was rude of him to ask things like that. There's no need for him to look at your screen like that.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Omg. Decide. Did you not want to share details with this person? Or did you? We don't know your relationship with him/her.

    I suggest you start not giving a **** about what others think of you.

    Btw, do you really expect an answer from TSR.. Communication is much more than just written words, there is body language and tone as well. It's not what you say but how you say it.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Would have acted the same, maybe a bit harsher, but there's no need to go causing trouble lol. That's the feeling I get when I'm reading and someone lifts the book up to see the title, and then proceeds to ask you if its good. Plis just no
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So today was continuing with that email. Only really get a chance during lunch hour to type it and again just got asked if it was the same email as yesterday and then an offer to proof read it. I could tell he really wanted to know what it was about but I didn't really offer up anything. Just kept quiet. Felt awkward.

    Glad I'm not the only one who would find this a bit annoying. Might just type on my phone in future to avoid the questions but that's a lot slower. Or do I hope he just doesn't interfere again for a third time. Hmmm.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by mischeivous)
    Omg. Decide. Did you not want to share details with this person? Or did you? We don't know your relationship with him/her.

    I suggest you start not giving a **** about what others think of you.

    Btw, do you really expect an answer from TSR.. Communication is much more than just written words, there is body language and tone as well. It's not what you say but how you say it.
    No didn't want any questions from anyone whatsoever. I was just minding my own business. Obviously I work with the guy day to day so my tone was normal and his tone was just that of curiousity/confusion, waiting for me to offer something meaty and I just didn't. Hence why it felt a bit off and awkward.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I don't think it was rude necessarily , you were clearly busy typing something so he should have realised. Maybe next time you see him , just say something like 'sorry about the other day I was just concentrating on my email' I'm sure it'll be okay x
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Supernova91)
    I don't think it was rude necessarily , you were clearly busy typing something so he should have realised. Maybe next time you see him , just say something like 'sorry about the other day I was just concentrating on my email' I'm sure it'll be okay x
    I'm not actually sorry. I just wanted to be left alone so feel that he should be sorry because I was just minding my own business and he was being intrusive. I think I'm more annoyed he kept going on about it the second day and even offered to proof read as a joke (but I think it wasn't a joke and he actually meant it). It's just nosy.

    I don't really like confrontation but if he does it again, would it be too awkward to just politely say that he should respect my privacy. Although no matt r how politely I say it, it's bound to be awkward.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not actually sorry. I just wanted to be left alone so feel that he should be sorry because I was just minding my own business and he was being intrusive. I think I'm more annoyed he kept going on about it the second day and even offered to proof read as a joke (but I think it wasn't a joke and he actually meant it). It's just nosy.

    I don't really like confrontation but if he does it again, would it be too awkward to just politely say that he should respect my privacy. Although no matt r how politely I say it, it's bound to be awkward.
    Can't you email your friend outside of work? If he asks again tell him it's been days since that email been sent and you keep going on about it.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    Not seeing why you can only type it at work? You have time to post on TSR.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    this aint a big thing if he asks about emails your writing in future just calmly explain to him that it relates to a personal matter and that youd rather not discuss it. simple, polite and most importantly sets up boundaries in your working relationship with this guy.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mischeivous)
    Omg. Decide. Did you not want to share details with this person? Or did you? We don't know your relationship with him/her.

    I suggest you start not giving a **** about what others think of you.

    Btw, do you really expect an answer from TSR.. Communication is much more than just written words, there is body language and tone as well. It's not what you say but how you say it.
    "Do you really expect an answer from TSR" *looks around at numerous responses from TSR users*
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Not seeing why you can only type it at work? You have time to post on TSR.
    It's a lengthy email which requires some thought and process and alone time which is perfect during the lunch hour. Before work and after work I don't have much time to set aside or have other commitments where I won't be alone.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ward47)
    this aint a big thing if he asks about emails your writing in future just calmly explain to him that it relates to a personal matter and that youd rather not discuss it. simple, polite and most importantly sets up boundaries in your working relationship with this guy.
    Yeah thanks that's what I'll do. I was just avoiding it as didn't want an atmosphere. Even if I am very polite I get the feeling I'll still come across as being a bit of a cow.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by chikane)
    Can't you email your friend outside of work? If he asks again tell him it's been days since that email been sent and you keep going on about it.
    I was working on that email two lunches straight and still not finished so I may need to revisit again. That's what got his interest in the first place. Seeing a really big block of text. I was just hoping he wouldn't ask because I wouldn't know what to say but he's turned it into a bit of guessing game going by the last lunch.

    Just asking questions like if it's a friend who lives abroad and then asking if it was the one friend that joined us at work drinks one time and asking if I was ending my friendship etc etc

    So many questions. Argh. And all I wanted to do was not hit any radar.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
    "Do you really expect an answer from TSR" *looks around at numerous responses from TSR users*
    HAha this amused me
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    [QUOTE=Anonymous;69547168]

    Eventually our convo goes something like this:
    Him: is that an email you're typing?
    Me: yeah...
    Him: that is a long email. Is it to a friend?
    Me: yeah...
    (At this point he probably wanted me to expand but as I said it was a private matter so didn't really know what else to say)
    Him: I'm guessing your friend lives abroad?
    Me: yeah they do.

    Depends on the tone of voice u used!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 14, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.