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I really need some advice/help. Please. Watch

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    I met boyfriend when I was in college. I was 18, he was 32. The age difference never mattered. Now I don't know what to think. That was in 2010. It is 2017 now. He have a whole life built together. I do love hI'm but being around him anymore is breaking my heart. At first there was some sex, not a lot, he mostly would say no. I know for a fact there was never any other women. He always said he's kinda nervous with sex and I understood. I figured give it some time and he'll get more comfortable with me. It got worse. Now he barely touches me. There is zero intimacy and no affection. I feel broken. I'm always wondering what's wrong with me. I started drinking, and the drinking turned to alcoholism because I couldn't stand sleeping next him sober anymore. It's destroyed my life. He sat back and watched it happened. I told him I was unhappy and very, very lonely and for years he says he'll go to a doctor but never has, once. He tells me I got to do something sexy for him, dance, strip, play with myself and let him watch. I have no confidence for that. I barely ever got to know what love was yet alone someone ever make love, I feel terrible in my own skin. He says I'm too aggressive and I gussie up for attention from other guys. So now I never wear other that make me feel pretty. He said my dresses were too short and my tops too revealing. I've asked him why he doesn't try, why he never touches me, why he ignores me and I've given my whole life, literally, have no life anymore. I don't have anybody to hang out with. I have no job. He just doesn't say anything. This February will be one year since we've had sex, and it was more me passed out drunk and him just horns than sex. That's usually the case when it does happen. I know he can get it up. But it has become such a deep, crippling wound for me, that means weak. I feel like thereshit nothing good about me. Last nighttp, I feel asleep next to him on the couch and woke to himake masterbating right next to me and he just grinned. It broke my heart. I got up and stormed in the bedroom. I said out loud 'I hate my life' he walks up and says 'don't be like that' and tried to hug me. I pushed him away and said 'don't touch me'. What is wrong with me? Us? What am I missing? My whole life has been hell. I was beaten by my mom up until the day I left and then I meet him. Is my whole life just going to be punishment and pain? What did I ever do to deserve this? What can I do to fix it?
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    Sounds like lyrics from a song to me...
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    (Original post by Miss Lily)
    I met boyfriend when I was in college. I was 18, he was 32. The age difference never mattered. Now I don't know what to think. That was in 2010. It is 2017 now. He have a whole life built together. I do love hI'm but being around him anymore is breaking my heart. At first there was some sex, not a lot, he mostly would say no. I know for a fact there was never any other women. He always said he's kinda nervous with sex and I understood. I figured give it some time and he'll get more comfortable with me. It got worse. Now he barely touches me. There is zero intimacy and no affection. I feel broken. I'm always wondering what's wrong with me. I started drinking, and the drinking turned to alcoholism because I couldn't stand sleeping next him sober anymore. It's destroyed my life. He sat back and watched it happened. I told him I was unhappy and very, very lonely and for years he says he'll go to a doctor but never has, once. He tells me I got to do something sexy for him, dance, strip, play with myself and let him watch. I have no confidence for that. I barely ever got to know what love was yet alone someone ever make love, I feel terrible in my own skin. He says I'm too aggressive and I gussie up for attention from other guys. So now I never wear other that make me feel pretty. He said my dresses were too short and my tops too revealing. I've asked him why he doesn't try, why he never touches me, why he ignores me and I've given my whole life, literally, have no life anymore. I don't have anybody to hang out with. I have no job. He just doesn't say anything. This February will be one year since we've had sex, and it was more me passed out drunk and him just horns than sex. That's usually the case when it does happen. I know he can get it up. But it has become such a deep, crippling wound for me, that means weak. I feel like thereshit nothing good about me. Last nighttp, I feel asleep next to him on the couch and woke to himake masterbating right next to me and he just grinned. It broke my heart. I got up and stormed in the bedroom. I said out loud 'I hate my life' he walks up and says 'don't be like that' and tried to hug me. I pushed him away and said 'don't touch me'. What is wrong with me? Us? What am I missing? My whole life has been hell. I was beaten by my mom up until the day I left and then I meet him. Is my whole life just going to be punishment and pain? What did I ever do to deserve this? What can I do to fix it?
    Maybe this relationship isn't meant to be...

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    You are in a very difficult but not impossible situation. It may not have felt to you that the age was a factor but clearly it was in reality. You are right, you never got to find out what love was all about. I'm guessing at 32 you weren't his first relationship. You were both in very different stages of life. You should be well into some important prime years. You are young yet mature! I'm sure you are beautiful.
    At this point you should not be in a relationship that leaves you feeling, sad, hurt and drained. Period. At 39, he could be still active and vibrant but it is possible that he has low testosterone and therefore a low sex drive. But, if you were 18 and he was 32 and he was never very interested in sex that is, frankly, surprising. I would, seriously, question his sexuality. Regardless of his sexuality or low testosterone it seems like you are very unhappy in your situation. Very. You know what you need to do. Being that you haven't married the guy is good. I am hoping you don't have children together. Anyway, it is time for you to reevaluate your relationship with him. This is very important. What is it about him that you like, love? What keeps you staying with him? He had redeeming qualities that you liked. The thing is this.... ALL relationships ebb and flow. There are times that really solid relationship go through a period where you really, really don't get along and might not even like each other. The length of time can very from a few hours to years but then you find each other again and appreciate the partnership. I don't think people really think it can ever be good again. But, of course, there are relationships that are just too damaged. What caused the damage? Cheating, abuse, lack of sexual attentiveness? There are deal breakers. You have to decide what YOU want. At 25 you should be able to find another relationship. Does the prospect of that sound more hopeful than the situation you are currently in? Yea, at 25 and you haven't had sex with you bf in more than a year he's really just your roommate unless there are redeeming qualities that outweigh that lack of sex scenario. Only you know what you want. It is certainly easier to stay put in the life you've built but don't expect the sex to change or improve. If that is important for you (and it is for most of course) then you need to know that moving forward without your boyfriend your life can and will be great! Good Luck!
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    Uggh get over it
 
 
 
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