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Abusive parents

3

Hey, I'll get right into it. My girlfriend (We'll call her 'Jen') is 15 and living with her parents, just started her last year of school and is about to become 16 in October. Her mother is the worst excuse for a parent I have ever seen. She treats her like a slave and doesn't allow her to have a life. Jen's learned not to talk back to her and never says or does anything out of place, but her mother constantly shouts at her and occasionally hits her whilst her father stands by (I think he's scared, but either way he does nothing). Jen's not allowed to date until she's 18, so her mum doesn't know about me and her, we only see each other when she's on lunch break from working at her mum's shop on Saturday's, and when her parents aren't in.
I just got a call from Jen saying her mum's been shouting at her and hit her again. I want to do something but what can I do? She says she doesn't want anyone else to know, she just wants to leave as soon as she can. Is it legal for her to leave when she turns 16, and stay at my house? Even if she's still at school? Is there anything else I can do?
If she was to live here and my parents agreed to it, would my parents be able to claim child benefit for her because i don't think they could afford it otherwise. I'm 18 and at college by the way. But if it came to it, I'd drop out and get a job and a place to live to support her. What would be the legality of that?
Please help!

Reply 1

qubog

12

She could move in with you when she's 16 but your parents wouldn't be able to claim child benefit for her. She'd have to get a part-time job or something.

Reply 2

Kyoujin

OP

3

Thanks. Would her mum be able to do anything about it, like try and get her back? She seems to think she has a pretty sweet deal having a daughter who'll do all her work for her. Or is it perfectly legal for her to leave home at 16?

Reply 3

qubog

12

Nope, i'm pretty sure its legal! If they try and get social services onto your girlfriend - I really don't think they can, but if they did, she can tell them that she was abused. If she doesn't want to live with them anymore at 16 there's nothing social services or anybody else could do to stop her moving out. Good luck to you and her :smile:

Reply 4

Kyoujin

OP

3

Thanks for all your help :smile:

Looks like the future's bright after all!
Thanks again!

Reply 5

la fille danse

17

Couldn't she get EMA if she lived with you?

Reply 6

sopheeb

more adventurous

Couldn't she get EMA if she lived with you?

If she was at school and their household income was below whatever amount is specified, yes, but not if she was working full time.

Reply 7

Schmokie Dragon

17

Get her out of there at 16! I think it's legal. Might need her parents consent so maybe you should have a quick check on Google.

And if she has moved out, then there is nothing to stop her moving in with you and you supporting her/her getting a job.

Reply 8

Sycren

11

when is she 16, keep us updated.

Reply 9

username47781

20

Get her to call childline or the NSPCC.

Reply 10

Kyoujin

OP

3

Shes 16 on the 10th October (10/10), so not long now. We've not been together very long, but I really care about her and will do anything for her. I can't believe she's had to put up with this for her entire life. She said she's tried to kill herself loads of times. I'm really rubbish at making people feel better and saying the right thing, too. I feel like I'm failing her not doing anything about it, I just want to get her away from then so she can be happy. Now I have to find a way to make my parents understand, or find a job that will support us both :/

Reply 11

Kyoujin

OP

3

Rock Fan

Get her to call childline or the NSPCC.

She doesn't want to tell anyone. I told her the same thing, but I imagine she's worried that if they can't do anything about it then it will make things worse.

Reply 12

Goodkat

Yeah you can legally move out at 16, so no worries there. Tell her to keep her head down until her birthday, then tell her parents to go and **** themselves and leave. Some people really shouldn't have children.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

3

Have you told your parents about all this? They should be the ones you're consulting, not a message board.

Reply 14

Goodkat

Anonymous

Have you told your parents about all this? They should be the ones you're consulting, not a message board.

Why post anon?

Anyway, the OP was just trying to get an opinion legally, nothing wrong with that. :rolleyes:

Reply 15

username47781

20

Kyoujin

She doesn't want to tell anyone. I told her the same thing, but I imagine she's worried that if they can't do anything about it then it will make things worse.

Well if she doesn't tell anyone she will keep suffering the abuse, it's all very well her waiting till 16, but one of these days her parents will go too far before then. She needs to pluck up the courage and call someone about this.

Reply 16

KarlZ

I think you should remind your girlfriend that organisations such as Childine etc are helplines designed to give people help and advice and also an ear to listen to their problems. She could call this line and ask advice and if she is afraid that they might act (which if honest I am unsure depending on the level of abuse) then she could refrain from telling them any personal details e.g. address, full name etc. Although if they did ask because the abuse was that serious then I would advise her to give them that information!

At teh age of 16 it is legal for her to move out of the family home, if her parents did call social services then she would have to tell them the level of abuse she has been suffering and I very much doubt her parents would have a leg to stand on.

With regards to yourself please bear in mind that whilst I understand that you feel deeply for your girlfriend at the end of the day you havent been together for a long time, you both are still changing and growing and will mature at different speeds. It may sound pessimistic but at the end of the day there is no guarentee that you both will stay together in the long term.
Presently you only spend limited time together and to go from that to living together 24/7 is something else entirely.
I would STRONGLY advise against ever dropping out of college! Remeber that whilst you are there for your girlfriend you must bear in mind your OWN future! Because if you both DID split up I can guarentee you now you would regret it! At the end of the day it will be your girlfriends choice and responsiblity to move and it would be upon her to remain in college (to gain EMA if poss) and also work part time to contribute towards the house costs and living costs.
By staying in college you are working your way to gain qualifications which can help you to gain better paid jobs - remember that!

Summary: -

Ring a helpline such as NSPCC/Childline, you could even ring on her behalf

Try getting her to confide in her father as perhaps he doesnt realise just how bad her mother is. He should be defending her. Perhaps if they realised that they could lose their daughter then they might change their ways.

STAY in college

Encourage her to do also and to find part time employment if she does move out!

Talk this through thoroughly with YOUR parents

Reply 17

lea164

its perfectly legal for her to move out at 16. the most important thing you can do is be there for her till her birthday. she's lucky to have someone like you she can turn to and confind in.

Abusive parents

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