Very unhappy at Oxford

Background:
Before I came to Oxford I had a rough year; really bad bullying at school, my weight ballooned, I got an eating disorder, went through two break ups from the same person, isolated myself socially and started self harming again, which I haven't done for a couple of years.

Now I am at Oxford, I do have a few friends, and academically I am surviving however emotionally I am on the cliff edge. I've tried switching contraceptives in order to combat hormones, and I am in therapy for my eating disorder, although treatment is not appearing to be very effective. I am worried sick about academics, and I knew Oxford would be a step up but it's got to the point that I'm not even sure if I like my subject or not anymore. I find clubbing and going out very difficult here, and when I'm here I am so much more conscious of my weight and how unattractive the guys here find me. As I said, I have started self harming again, but fortunately no suicidal thoughts. I know these problems may seem very petty and little in comparison to what others are going through but they are having a serious effect on me. I don't really know what my options are as I can't really afford to take a year out and start over as I would have to pay the full £9,250 again next year, possibly £9,500, and my family just can't afford that. Plus I'm worried about how future employers would view that. I can't switch to another uni this late, but I don't know if I can stick it out here, I don't know if I'll even make the grades in prelims to stay here. Are there any alternatives that I haven't thought of?

Oxford is

Reply 1

lookitsbeccy

Woah, I am so so sorry to hear that you're struggling in anyway. You seem incredibly strong, but mental health is so important. I am honestly not very good at advice but, you're clearly very talented and seem to be on the road to great success, however that will all be hard to achieve if you're incredibly unhappy. Is there no provisions to speak to someone senior in your college about your issues or a tutor? I don't really know what I'm trying to get at, but honestly you should just do what makes you happy, and feel secure and enjoy life again. If that be learning to fall in love with yourself or your surroundings or taking time off to figure everything out... idk !! Hope this helps! I just really wanted to offer some comfort and support really! Whatever you choose to do, i hope it all works out!!

Reply 2

auburnstar

Talk to the people in charge of welfare and tutors, they are on your side. If it really doesn't work out, you can transfer to another uni and the fees would not be an issue as Student Loan lasts for length of course - length spent at another uni + one year, so it would even out to 3 years and your parents would not have to pay.

Reply 3

OxFossil

Have you looked through this thread?

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=69587682#post69587682

As you know, lots of people feel overwhelmed in their first term or two at Uni, and there can be few places where you will feel the academic pressure to achieve more acutely. You have obviously had a great deal to cope with prior to Oxford, and you have done amazingly well so far.

Even so, in your short post, you have identified a ton of worries! As other people have said, the first thing is to mobilise every resource you can to share that burden.

Academically, your tutor(s) need to be included so that they can make arrangements to structure your workload appropriately.

Financially, the Uni student support services and your parents may be able to help. As for transferring, dropping out etc - perhaps you can leave that worry aside until you are in feeling less stressed and have a feel for what support is available when they are fully engaged? Although it probably seems that decisions like this are urgent, in the long run, a term, or a year, is no time at all, if it means that you are better able to reach a good decision.

Socially, perhaps your friends can help to make sure that you have someone friendly to talk to, and activities to keep you included and feel welcomed every day?

Hopefully, that will make it easier to concentrate on working with your therapist(s) on the more purely emotional stuff?

Hope things work out for you in any case.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 4

MJ6987

I would speak to staff at Oxford, like Welfare / Disability etc. They supposedly have very good support in place so maybe they could offer you extra support - counselling etc? If that's doesn't improve things then I'm sure you could transfer to another Uni during clearing? Don't know how this would work, but again speak to people there about the options.

Reply 5

Austenmiltonsa

Thank you so much for all the lovely supportive responses, I really appreciate it.

Reply 6

Doones

Original post by Austenmiltonsa

I don't really know what my options are as I can't really afford to take a year out and start over as I would have to pay the full £9,250 again next year, possibly £9,500, and my family just can't afford that.

You are allowed a "gift" year from SFE in the event you need to retake or dropout of a year. So you can dropout and later resume at Oxford (or elsewhere for that matter) in the first year again and the loan will be fully covered. The extra £9250 (plus maintenance) is just added to your total loan, it doesn't increase your monthly repayments just the length of time it will take you to pay it all off.

Edit: oh, and you should speak to SFE about "compelling reasons" if you withdraw.

http://www.practitioners.slc.co.uk/media/2571/sfe_withdrawing_factsheet_1516_d.pdf

(edited 7 years ago)