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    dvicx
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    it is very nice. and blue.
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    (Original post by the bear)
    it is very nice. and blue.
    Haha is that genuine or?

    I think I need to do more research into poetry to be fair. I don't really know what I'm doing :').

    With a bit of work i might muster something.

    I suppose poetry requires several looks at it as well.
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    The way I look at my own poetry is to analyse every aspect and make sure that every single structural and linguistic choice has a reason behind it. I like the way you play with sound throughout the poem, makes me think of blues music
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    I like it, it has a interesting style that is very unique (in my opinion) but one thing you need to learn is that poetry isnt something you can look up and get better at by researching it, that is as long as you have the basics and you seem to. Sure you can see different styles of poems and techniques but what you have there is your own style and it is certainly good.

    I mean I once wrote a poem without any "research" on techniques bar what we learned in English Language and lit. and I won a rather big competition. it is like writing a book ( I have tried before) there are some things that you can learn but it is really up to you and how your writing style developes. Poetry is no science.

    The only real negative for me is the last stanza, I really like these lines
    We wear chokers to choke
    We read Camus and we smoke
    We take pills and we don’t sweat or spill; we seep.
    We are the sophisticated and subdued tribe
    Excavate, elevate, dilute:
    homeopathy of the feeling; just inject and Ingest.
    This is us.

    I do feel llike we seep could be changed to we seek

    Camouflage with Courtney, Blend in with Sylvie P
    I dont understand this line but it is probaby just me

    This is no ordinary sexy. This is sexy-blue. This is sexy-true.
    In my opinion this is a bit out of place but just remember this is your poem not mine.

    I am also glad you have not fallen into the trap of thinking that everything has to rhyme

    Keep it up it is very good and you are certainly doing well. If you want any more critique just send me a message and I will look at it when I get some time as I am pretty ill at the moment
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    (Original post by immyB01)
    The way I look at my own poetry is to analyse every aspect and make sure that every single structural and linguistic choice has a reason behind it. I like the way you play with sound throughout the poem, makes me think of blues music
    ty!
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    (Original post by AperfectBalance)
    I like it, it has a interesting style that is very unique (in my opinion) but one thing you need to learn is that poetry isnt something you can look up and get better at by researching it, that is as long as you have the basics and you seem to. Sure you can see different styles of poems and techniques but what you have there is your own style and it is certainly good.

    I mean I once wrote a poem without any "research" on techniques bar what we learned in English Language and lit. and I won a rather big competition. it is like writing a book ( I have tried before) there are some things that you can learn but it is really up to you and how your writing style developes. Poetry is no science.

    The only real negative for me is the last stanza, I really like these lines
    We wear chokers to choke
    We read Camus and we smoke
    We take pills and we don’t sweat or spill; we seep.
    We are the sophisticated and subdued tribe
    Excavate, elevate, dilute:
    homeopathy of the feeling; just inject and Ingest.
    This is us.
    I do feel llike we seep could be changed to we seek

    Camouflage with Courtney, Blend in with Sylvie P
    I dont understand this line but it is probaby just me

    This is no ordinary sexy. This is sexy-blue. This is sexy-true.
    In my opinion this is a bit out of place but just remember this is your poem not mine.

    I am also glad you have not fallen into the trap of thinking that everything has to rhyme

    Keep it up it is very good and you are certainly doing well. If you want any more critique just send me a message and I will look at it when I get some time as I am pretty ill at the moment
    Thanks for the feedback, I understand where you're coming from.

    Hope you get better! Yes I will do.
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    (Original post by despairpoet)
    Thanks for the feedback, I understand where you're coming from.

    Well I'll demystify. It's basically drawing attention to a mood that I personally (And others may perhaps) observe in society right now.
    The first stanza is a reference to self-help books that seem so popular right now - we all feel a little lost in big developed cities and a lot of people seem to read these but they don't help much.
    Then, the blue thing was drawing on the way depression is glamorised, by singers such as Lana Del Rey or and figures such as Kurt Cobain/Courtney Love. The Sylvie P reference was crap (needs work) but it's a reference to the poet Sylvia Plath who also is a great symbol of the depressed woman. It's also quite linked to culture for women, where it's perceived to be sexy if you have a dark/gothic edge, and it seems fashionable in Instagram feeds. I'm questioning and playing around with these ideas, I guess I'm responding to a mood i feel around me and wondering why it is so old fashioned to be soulful like Blind Joe Reynolds.
    The poem, and much of my art work right now, is motivated by this kind of collective depressive blue attitude I sense in Western culture. Hope that clarifies things.

    Hope you get better! Yes I will do.
    Wow that is a really good and unique theme and it makes a lot of sense. Good work
 
 
 
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