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Staying friends with an ex Watch

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    I live with mine. I have to be civil for the sake of my health, and that I know we can both be better than childish pricks. Does it suck sometimes? Yes, absolutely. But I don't want him to see that because I don't want him to feel guilty or feel anything.
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    The only ex I have was someone who forced me into a relationship with them, because he was my best friend and he felt like he had some sort of right to be my boyfriend. After I broke it off, he was the one who acted like a child and blocked me on everything. I wasn't really mad tbh. I think people can stay friends with ex's until they get into a new relationship. Things can get messy, your new partner can feel (rightly so) jealous, and a bit like a mug.
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    I think it does depend on the circumstances surrounding the break-up. Perhaps if it was just because your feelings for one another had gone and it was mutual, it might be easier than if it was unexpected for one party or if something horrible had happened to cause you to split.

    I only have one ex...we broke up last May, and it was me who instigated it, because I'd realised I was unhappy and had been for a while - I realised no-one should feel as frustrated with someone as I did with him. I think I'd also outgrown the relationship (met in Freshers', and it began as a 'living in each other's pockets, all-consuming first love' type relationship) and our lives were moving in different directions, wasn't really sure what we had in common anymore. We said we'd be friends at first, as after so long together we were both sad at the idea of the other not being in our lives, but as time went on I realised it was just reminding me why I was frustrated with him in the first place, especially as apart from when he first got back in touch a week after the break-up, he never seemed interested in how I was doing emotionally and it felt like he'd managed to swtich off his feelings very quickly, like none of it had ever happened and we were just two people who'd always been good friends. It just didn't sit right with me even though I knew ending things had been the right decision, so I decided to tell him it'd be best not to talk for a while in September, and we haven't spoken since. I've noticed he's posting on Facebook a lot more since we broke up though. Whether we'll be friends in the future or not I don't know, but at the moment I'm not feeling like talking to him; I'm still not over the way some of the things he did made me feel.

    I think if you manage to stay friends with an ex, you had a very special connection that's allowed you to look past any romantic feelings you had for each other, but I do agree that cutting contact for a while to allow any residual romantic feelings to go away is a good idea.
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    Maybe it's possible if it ended really well and BOTH people decided to end it.

    But that's not the case most of the times... And it's not worth it imo.
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    don't think I could do it if it was someone i really liked because of the feelings not going away, would rather just cut them out of my life or attempt to and be done with it. dont want to here about their life from that point on, good luck to thwm but it obviously wouldnt involve me so whats the point
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    I'm a nice person so I did end up staying friends with him only for me to want him again and for him to keep pestering me for another run even though he is the one who dumped me.
    I would not be keen on dating a woman who was still friends with her ex for precisely the reasons bolded

    I do think sometimes it can work out, but most of the time probably not...
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    I would not be keen on dating a woman who was still friends with her ex for precisely the reasons bolded

    I do think sometimes it can work out, but most of the time probably not...
    It has to be a mutual thing, it's difficult not to fall for each other but I imagine most people don't stay friends with their exes since it ends on bad terms.
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    if you both don't fancy each other and it was a mutual break up then it's fine.

    if it was a messy break up and one of you still fancies the other then nah.
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    Still friends with a couple exes. Had a good clean mutual breakup with one, the other was messy as hell and took a hella long time to sort out and blow over but in the end we became friends again and still are. So it can work out.
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    I only have 1 ex and it was an amicable split . I wouldn't call us 'friends' because our lives and different now and we've drifted apart. We were friends for a while now but things kind of fizzled . He has seen my mum and dad a few times since and still buys them a drink :laugh:. If I saw him around i would stop and say hello but wouldn't actively make an effort to keep in touch cause we've drifted too far apart. No hard feelings though .
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    I'm good friends with all of them
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    Not friends with any of my exs and definitely do not plan to ever. I do not understand how it is possible to see and talk to someone you were in a relationship with in a platonic way. I imagine most people would have feelings still at least attraction. It would probably be very strange when 1 person gets into a new relationship and don't know how the ex would cope with it.
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    Me and my ex are still really good friends. We hang out a lot on our free time and text each other constantly. However, ever since our breakup I've been feeling rather asexual and the desire to chase after girls (or men) is quite nonexistent :/
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    The new year always sparks some thought but lately I've been thinking, is it even possible to be friends with an ex? It's just something I think about especially when friends are often conflicted with staying friends with an ex or not.

    My own experience of it has been a disaster. Me and my ex split in April after a nice run of over two years and it wasn't a good break up at all. I'm a nice person so I did end up staying friends with him only for me to want him again and for him to keep pestering me for another run even though he is the one who dumped me. He became dependent on my friendship and would try to make me jealous when he began dating other girls. I did block him several times before unblocking and finding phone calls and voice mails and friend requests on Facebook and I told him to move on and forget me. Since November he's not bothered me and luckily he can't.

    But is there ever a possibility for exes to stay friends or is it a no no?
    My take: if the relationship ended due to cheating, then its best to ditch them, if you entertain them with your friendship then it might only make them think their cheating was 'okay' and youve forgiven them. if they hurt you, they lose you.

    I have also had strange experiences with exes, one came back into my life purely to get revenge on me (despite our break up being years ago so youd think theyd have moved on). he tried to meddle with my friendships and interfere in my life. quickly cut him off.

    I also had an ex who would ask to be 'friends' again whenever he became single. it was fairly obvious what he was doing, he was bored, lonely and horny so would message me all 'please be my friend again, im so sorry for cheating on you and treating you badly, can we be friends?' i kept in touch with him but refused to meet him in person. he asked me to meet for coffee and i said no. he eventually stopped talking to me, and i found out he'd gotten back with his ex, so it was clear he was just using my 'friendship' as a distraction from his breakup and company to prevent him getting lonely. pathetic really. who wants to be that guy? or girl?

    I also dated someone last year who was still friends with their ex. they dated for a few years, he got her pregnant and she had an abortion, they had lived together, it was all pretty serious. when we started dating he spoke about her 24/7, cancelled plans with me to meet up with her instead, so yeah plenty of red flags and dodgy behaviour. when i raised it with him, that i felt uncomfortable with all of this, he naturally got defensive, instead of just saying alright ill try to stop talking about her as much, instead he went mental and accused me of being paranoid, crazy etc. his reaction only proved that there was something dodgy going on. i later found out he had been messaging her saying he 'missed her' and compared her to me, saying she was better. he tried to excuse this conversation as 'oh i missed her as a friend'. yes im sure you did.

    so yeah, nothing but trouble has come from being friends with exes, for me anyway.
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    in my mind the fact that u guys used to go out means that somewhere deep down u must still give a crap about each other so wether or not it is a good idea to try and stay freinds with them really depends on wether or not u can put up with seeing them with someone else. if you have moved on and you just want them to be happy then you guys can likley stay freinds no problem if it pains u to think about them with someone else its likely better for everyone if u just stop contact now.
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    (Original post by Chocolatesoup)
    My take: if the relationship ended due to cheating, then its best to ditch them, if you entertain them with your friendship then it might only make them think their cheating was 'okay' and youve forgiven them. if they hurt you, they lose you.

    I have also had strange experiences with exes, one came back into my life purely to get revenge on me (despite our break up being years ago so youd think theyd have moved on). he tried to meddle with my friendships and interfere in my life. quickly cut him off.

    I also had an ex who would ask to be 'friends' again whenever he became single. it was fairly obvious what he was doing, he was bored, lonely and horny so would message me all 'please be my friend again, im so sorry for cheating on you and treating you badly, can we be friends?' i kept in touch with him but refused to meet him in person. he asked me to meet for coffee and i said no. he eventually stopped talking to me, and i found out he'd gotten back with his ex, so it was clear he was just using my 'friendship' as a distraction from his breakup and company to prevent him getting lonely. pathetic really. who wants to be that guy? or girl?

    I also dated someone last year who was still friends with their ex. they dated for a few years, he got her pregnant and she had an abortion, they had lived together, it was all pretty serious. when we started dating he spoke about her 24/7, cancelled plans with me to meet up with her instead, so yeah plenty of red flags and dodgy behaviour. when i raised it with him, that i felt uncomfortable with all of this, he naturally got defensive, instead of just saying alright ill try to stop talking about her as much, instead he went mental and accused me of being paranoid, crazy etc. his reaction only proved that there was something dodgy going on. i later found out he had been messaging her saying he 'missed her' and compared her to me, saying she was better. he tried to excuse this conversation as 'oh i missed her as a friend'. yes im sure you did.

    so yeah, nothing but trouble has come from being friends with exes, for me anyway.
    Ew.. all those people you dated sound properly toxic. My condolences
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    Three years ago, my boyfriend of the time moved to Brunei (tiny country north of Malaysia). Originally we tried long distance but it just crumbled. We're still friends to this day. It is definitely possible to stay friends with an ex, but it's circumstantial in my opinion. Me and this boy broke up for reasons outwith our control, there was very little personal reasons for the breakup, making it much easier for us to still be friends today.
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    (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
    Ew.. all those people you dated sound properly toxic. My condolences
    Yeah, sticking to being single and focusing on my own life now, obviously doing a million times better than any of them... I'll meet someone cool one day, but I'm in no rush for a relationship
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    The new year always sparks some thought but lately I've been thinking, is it even possible to be friends with an ex? It's just something I think about especially when friends are often conflicted with staying friends with an ex or not.

    My own experience of it has been a disaster. Me and my ex split in April after a nice run of over two years and it wasn't a good break up at all. I'm a nice person so I did end up staying friends with him only for me to want him again and for him to keep pestering me for another run even though he is the one who dumped me. He became dependent on my friendship and would try to make me jealous when he began dating other girls. I did block him several times before unblocking and finding phone calls and voice mails and friend requests on Facebook and I told him to move on and forget me. Since November he's not bothered me and luckily he can't.

    But is there ever a possibility for exes to stay friends or is it a no no?
    Honestly no I don't think so, but it depends on the ex I suppose. My ex and I split back in October, we ended things really amicably. He came to me and said we act more like friends than we do a couple, I agreed and said maybe it would be better if we were friends, he agreed and we went on as normal, no shouting or screaming, nothing. We spoke every week or so to ask how the other was (I started the conversation 80% of the time) so I personally thought things were going well. I was the one who broke up with him, and I had no regrets about breaking up, although he mentioned something about how he will always want me. I continued to stand by him when he was going through any difficulties.

    Anyway, after a few weeks, he wasn't really initiating conversations anymore, so neither was I, and after 2 weeks of not talking, he decided to delete me off all social media. I then went and deleted him too with the intention of never speaking to him again. It's a shame because we had a strong friendship before we got into a relationship, and we could've happily stayed friends but I took him deleting me offensively and now I've no interest in friendship with him either.
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    The new year always sparks some thought but lately I've been thinking, is it even possible to be friends with an ex? It's just something I think about especially when friends are often conflicted with staying friends with an ex or not.

    My own experience of it has been a disaster. Me and my ex split in April after a nice run of over two years and it wasn't a good break up at all. I'm a nice person so I did end up staying friends with him only for me to want him again and for him to keep pestering me for another run even though he is the one who dumped me. He became dependent on my friendship and would try to make me jealous when he began dating other girls. I did block him several times before unblocking and finding phone calls and voice mails and friend requests on Facebook and I told him to move on and forget me. Since November he's not bothered me and luckily he can't.

    But is there ever a possibility for exes to stay friends or is it a no no?
    I've always cut contact as I don't believe in being "friends". It's always going to be something more than that when there's too much history. I don't want to know about their life after me or watch them move on, so cutting them off is the best thing. Plus I think it's unfair on new partners to stay in contact with an ex. I don't trust people who still speak to theirs as "just friends".
 
 
 
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