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My boyfriend is actually annoying Watch

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    So today I mention a couple of incidents that have happened to me. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything. I was totally over all of it, I just wanted to share snippets of my day.

    I tell my boyfriend a story and he's asking 101 questions, all of which did not help me in any way at that point in time. I'm trying to explain that these things happen in life and he's going into details about how I could have prevented it from happening and gives me a breakdown of how I should have gone about things (as if I didn't already know). It wasn't even that deep, no one was hurt, I just dropped and almost lost a valuable item which didn't even get damaged.

    I should have been the frustrated one but he seemed to be more annoyed about my clumsiness than I was. I changed the subject and everything, yet he decides to go into one about my journey to work. He was adament I should have chosen an alternative route to work, the first bus I needed was packed and there was no traffic . I told him that I didn't want to go the long way, it wasn't like I was in a rush. He couldn't understand why I decided to wait a bit longer for another bus to come.

    Even when I explained that I needed to stop off somewhere, he mentions another branch which would be out of my way. It all worked out in the end and I didn't make a fuss about a thing - my boyfriend on the other hand still continued ....In the end I decided to just be quiet because no matter what I said didn't matter.


    Excuse my bad grammar I'm so tired and venting.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    So today I mention a couple of incidents that have happened to me. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything. I was totally over all of it, I just wanted to share snippets of my day.

    I tell my boyfriend a story and he's asking 101 questions, all of which did not help me in any way at that point in time. I'm trying to explain that these things happen in life and he's going into details about how I could have prevented it from happening and gives me a breakdown of how I should have gone about things (as if I didn't already know). It wasn't even that deep, no one was hurt, I just dropped and almost lost a valuable item which didn't even get damaged.

    I should have been the frustrated one but he seemed to be more annoyed about my clumsiness than I was. I changed the subject and everything, yet he decides to go into one about my journey to work. He was adament I should have chosen an alternative route to work, the first bus I needed was packed and there was no traffic . I told him that I didn't want to go the long way, it wasn't like I was in a rush. He couldn't understand why I decided to wait a bit longer for another bus to come.

    Even when I explained that I needed to stop off somewhere, he mentions another branch which would be out of my way. It all worked out in the end and I didn't make a fuss about a thing - my boyfriend on the other hand still continued ....In the end I decided to just be quiet because no matter what I said didn't matter.


    Excuse my bad grammar I'm so tired and venting.
    Tell him to take a chill pill kudos to you for putting up with that i would tell him to stop whining.
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    You need to either sit him down to stop his overly-paternalistic habits or during his "rants" just raise a hand and stop him to force him to listen to what you're saying. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    So today I mention a couple of incidents that have happened to me. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything. I was totally over all of it, I just wanted to share snippets of my day.

    I tell my boyfriend a story and he's asking 101 questions, all of which did not help me in any way at that point in time. I'm trying to explain that these things happen in life and he's going into details about how I could have prevented it from happening and gives me a breakdown of how I should have gone about things (as if I didn't already know). It wasn't even that deep, no one was hurt, I just dropped and almost lost a valuable item which didn't even get damaged.

    I should have been the frustrated one but he seemed to be more annoyed about my clumsiness than I was. I changed the subject and everything, yet he decides to go into one about my journey to work. He was adament I should have chosen an alternative route to work, the first bus I needed was packed and there was no traffic . I told him that I didn't want to go the long way, it wasn't like I was in a rush. He couldn't understand why I decided to wait a bit longer for another bus to come.

    Even when I explained that I needed to stop off somewhere, he mentions another branch which would be out of my way. It all worked out in the end and I didn't make a fuss about a thing - my boyfriend on the other hand still continued ....In the end I decided to just be quiet because no matter what I said didn't matter.


    Excuse my bad grammar I'm so tired and venting.
    ~~Those kinds of people really do annoy me. I just tend to avoid them because they make life unnecessarily difficult :')

    He might be one of those people who like to make a fuss and really puff up an argument - even if it isn`t an argument to begin with - and he seems to lack empathy :3
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    (Original post by Mimi9335)
    ~~Those kinds of people really do annoy me. I just tend to avoid them because they make life unnecessarily difficult :')

    He might be one of those people who like to make a fuss and really puff up an argument - even if it isn`t an argument to begin with - and he seems to lack empathy :3
    If he is always like that i would get rid no need for negative people. He seems the type that is never happy op run away far far away from him you could do so much better.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    If he is always like that i would get rid no need for negative people. He seems the type that is never happy op run away far far away from him you could do so much better.
    I would break up if he`s like this all the time ~ there are many people out there who know how to listen to a story that happened like 13 hrs ago without making a fuss out of it and acting rude.

    Your bf is meant to be someone who makes you feel better, not worse
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    He probably thinks hes being helpful. How old are you and your BF? lol

    Maybe he hasn't realised yet that women don't actually want solutions to their problems when they're *****ing. They just want someone to ***** to and listen lmao.

    When men have a problem they usually expect you to help think of solutions.
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    (Original post by Mimi9335)
    I would break up if he`s like this all the time ~ there are many people out there who know how to listen to a story that happened like 13 hrs ago without making a fuss out of it and acting rude.

    Your bf is meant to be someone who makes you feel better, not worse
    I don't think i can put up with that im the type that likes peace and hate anything too intense i would not want someone to make a big deal out of nothing all day can't he see how tiring it is.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    Tell him to take a chill pill kudos to you for putting up with that i would tell him to stop whining.
    Lool after the day I've had I didn't wanna hear anymore. I will mention it to him later though so he knows how much he annoyed me.

    (Original post by Kraytz)
    You need to either sit him down to stop his overly-paternalistic habits or during his "rants" just raise a hand and stop him to force him to listen to what you're saying. Sorry you have to deal with this.
    Haha it's okay. He gets like this sometimes, it isn't something that happens often or else I would have left him to his own devices. It's just at that moment in time I wanted to share my story, possible laugh at my clumsiness and get on with life.


    (Original post by Mimi9335)
    ~~Those kinds of people really do annoy me. I just tend to avoid them because they make life unnecessarily difficult :'

    He might be one of those people who like to make a fuss and really puff up an argument - even if it isn`t an argument to begin with - and he seems to lack empathy :3
    He isn't really argumentative usually. He is just very straight forward and blunt - however he hasn't been too bad with me. I have noticed that he doesn't put up with a lot of things, if he sees someone doing something he thinks stupid then he'll get his point across and call them out in the process.
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    I actually had to end a relationship for this reason.

    Life is complicated enough anyway without making a big deal about small issues. My ex would constantly ask questions as though she was cross-examining me about all of my decisions about the small detail of life. And if something innocently came up in conversation lke "I couldn't get X because they wouldn't accept card and I didn't have any notes in my wallet" this would lead to "so why did you let yourself run out of money?" "it's not hard to plan and just make sure you go to a cashpoint so you're prepared in this kind of situation".

    I became hesitant to tell her any kind of story of an event that had happened in my life, because I knew it would be dissected, and unless I had chosen the best, most efficient decision at every decision point, I would be held to account on it. Then I'd become nervous about stuff like if we ran out of milk, in normal circumstances I'd just be like, meh, have to wait till tomorrow and get some then. With her it would be like "couldn't you have stopped at the shops on the way home from work? You go past about 3 shops that sell milk" "what do you mean you didn't know the milk was getting low? you had cereal in the morning, you must have been able to see it was running out then?" "well if you forget things do much write them down, make lists, thats what I do, you have a phone don't you? couldn't you set an alert to remind you?".

    In the end this low level picking at everything drove me in to a position where I was always double-checking myself and what I did, and certainly what I told her, in order to stop being criticised. And in the end I thought nah, this isn't for me, it will have to end.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    If he is always like that i would get rid no need for negative people. He seems the type that is never happy op run away far far away from him you could do so much better.
    Oh he's a lovely guy otherwise lmao. I think we have gone past the honeymoon period and I'm noticing a lot more now. I will let him know how he made me feel though.

    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    He probably thinks hes being helpful. How old are you and your BF? lol

    Maybe he hasn't realised yet that women don't actually want solutions to their problems when they're *****ing. They just want someone to ***** to and listen lmao.

    When men have a problem they usually expect you to help think of solutions.
    You could be right. If I'm looking for someone to vent to I now realise that my boyfriend is not the one to go to lol. I'm 27 and he's 32.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    You could be right. If I'm looking for someone to vent to I now realise that my boyfriend is not the one to go to lol. I'm 27 and he's 32.
    ye you should explain to him he's not meant to talk when you're venting lmao. or find a girlfriend to do it to.
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    Youre lucky any mean would want to go out with à smelly girl
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    So today I mention a couple of incidents that have happened to me. I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything. I was totally over all of it, I just wanted to share snippets of my day.

    I tell my boyfriend a story and he's asking 101 questions, all of which did not help me in any way at that point in time. I'm trying to explain that these things happen in life and he's going into details about how I could have prevented it from happening and gives me a breakdown of how I should have gone about things (as if I didn't already know). It wasn't even that deep, no one was hurt, I just dropped and almost lost a valuable item which didn't even get damaged.

    I should have been the frustrated one but he seemed to be more annoyed about my clumsiness than I was. I changed the subject and everything, yet he decides to go into one about my journey to work. He was adament I should have chosen an alternative route to work, the first bus I needed was packed and there was no traffic . I told him that I didn't want to go the long way, it wasn't like I was in a rush. He couldn't understand why I decided to wait a bit longer for another bus to come.

    Even when I explained that I needed to stop off somewhere, he mentions another branch which would be out of my way. It all worked out in the end and I didn't make a fuss about a thing - my boyfriend on the other hand still continued ....In the end I decided to just be quiet because no matter what I said didn't matter.


    Excuse my bad grammar I'm so tired and venting.
    I think you need the explain to your bf that when you tell him your problems you don't want him to fix them but just to talk to him about them. The same thing happens with me where I'll try to fix the problem but she just wanted to air it.

    I don't know if its a guy thing or not but I prefer to fix problems or look for solutions as opposed to just talking bout them. Maybe he's the same.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    I actually had to end a relationship for this reason.

    Life is complicated enough anyway without making a big deal about small issues. My ex would constantly ask questions as though she was cross-examining me about all of my decisions about the small detail of life. And if something innocently came up in conversation lke "I couldn't get X because they wouldn't accept card and I didn't have any notes in my wallet" this would lead to "so why did you let yourself run out of money?" "it's not hard to plan and just make sure you go to a cashpoint so you're prepared in this kind of situation".

    I became hesitant to tell her any kind of story of an event that had happened in my life, because I knew it would be dissected, and unless I had chosen the best, most efficient decision at every decision point, I would be held to account on it. Then I'd become nervous about stuff like if we ran out of milk, in normal circumstances I'd just be like, meh, have to wait till tomorrow and get some then. With her it would be like "couldn't you have stopped at the shops on the way home from work? You go past about 3 shops that sell milk" "what do you mean you didn't know the milk was getting low? you had cereal in the morning, you must have been able to see it was running out then?" "well if you forget things do much write them down, make lists, thats what I do, you have a phone don't you? couldn't you set an alert to remind you?".

    In the end this low level picking at everything drove me in to a position where I was always double-checking myself and what I did, and certainly what I told her, in order to stop being criticised. And in the end I thought nah, this isn't for me, it will have to end.

    Ahh that sounds terrible, glad you got away from that. At this point in time it isn't something that happens often. I haven't ever experienced anything like this with him before. I've noticed that he's straightforward, blunt and doesn't put up with nonsense. So I'm gonna talk it out with him and see what he has to say this time around. Usually I vent to him all the time and he doesn't drive me up the wall.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    I don't think i can put up with that im the type that likes peace and hate anything too intense i would not want someone to make a big deal out of nothing all day can't he see how tiring it is.
    Exactly, life moves onnnnn we have things to dooooo let`s listen to some muuuusic but no, we have to sit and argue :'). It`s really really really tiring and personally I`d rather spend my time doing something more fun/relaxing. Especially if you had a super busy day and you come back home exhausted and find you have to deal with that :/
    And normally those are the people who don`t have other passions in their life to take up their energy and time so they focus on arguing with others sadly :/
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    I actually had to end a relationship for this reason.

    Life is complicated enough anyway without making a big deal about small issues. My ex would constantly ask questions as though she was cross-examining me about all of my decisions about the small detail of life. And if something innocently came up in conversation lke "I couldn't get X because they wouldn't accept card and I didn't have any notes in my wallet" this would lead to "so why did you let yourself run out of money?" "it's not hard to plan and just make sure you go to a cashpoint so you're prepared in this kind of situation".

    I became hesitant to tell her any kind of story of an event that had happened in my life, because I knew it would be dissected, and unless I had chosen the best, most efficient decision at every decision point, I would be held to account on it. Then I'd become nervous about stuff like if we ran out of milk, in normal circumstances I'd just be like, meh, have to wait till tomorrow and get some then. With her it would be like "couldn't you have stopped at the shops on the way home from work? You go past about 3 shops that sell milk" "what do you mean you didn't know the milk was getting low? you had cereal in the morning, you must have been able to see it was running out then?" "well if you forget things do much write them down, make lists, thats what I do, you have a phone don't you? couldn't you set an alert to remind you?".

    In the end this low level picking at everything drove me in to a position where I was always double-checking myself and what I did, and certainly what I told her, in order to stop being criticised. And in the end I thought nah, this isn't for me, it will have to end.
    you cant be prepared for every situation in life and it`s not the end of the world if you run out of milk
    Just out of curiosity in a situation like that why didn`t she go out and buy milk if she`s very desperate XD
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    (Original post by Mimi9335)
    you cant be prepared for every situation in life and it`s not the end of the world if you run out of milk
    Just out of curiosity in a situation like that why didn`t she go out and buy milk if she`s very desperate XD
    The first sentence was pretty much my response, and how I would always respond to her.

    If you said the second sentence to her, she would explode and escalate it in to a massive argument.
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    Sounds like a control freak.
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    I watched a video of a relationship guru years ago about this kind of thing and the guy said it is very common.

    If you tell a man about problem, he is naturally inclined to try to give you a solution because he thinks that is why you are telling him. Then, if you don't listen to him, he gets annoyed because he feels like you are not interested in his advice and rejecting him. He feels 'well if you don't want to listen, why are you even telling me this?'

    I can relate to that a lot because I only tell people my problems if I think they can help solve them. I think a lot of men don't understand that women want to talk and just want you to listen and not say anything back.
 
 
 
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