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Hating university so much - need advice Watch

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    I am looking for advice about what to do as I am really hating university at the moment, I can barely stop myself crying every 10 minutes. I have just started the second semester of first year, and sat exams before Christmas. It's not really the academic side of things that is the problem but I was very stressed around exam time. It started in freshers week, I don't get on with flat mates as we are all very different, and none of us really socialise in the kitchen. So I struggled to meet people as I am very very shy so find it difficult to go up to anyone and just start a conversation, and I also couldn't go out drinking cause of my age which is when most people made friends so it was difficult. Once lectures started I sort of just muddled through though wasn't enjoying it, I sat by myself in all my lectures and haven't made friends on my course, I only talked to a few people from one tutorial and a lab. But as I find it very difficult to make friends(it took me years in school to make my best friends now) I haven't really got anyone to talk to. Everyone seems to have made friends and are in groups with people, but I haven't found anyone that I've clicked with at all. I don't think this university is for me as there are a lot of international and English students who are all a year older than me so everyone seems so much more mature than me. I'm now thinking maybe university isn't for me, as I'm so shy and anxious and would much rather still just be at home. Or maybe I'm just too young for university and not ready for such a big change. I'm also thinking about changing universities but I have no idea how I would go about doing that, and it would be moving to a uni that is less reputable, which is why I chose the uni I am now rather than that one. Please don't say oh you just have to get over your shyness and talk to people cause I have really tried but as a very anxious person who has a lot of confidence issues that is very difficult. I just wanted some advice maybe from someone in a similar situation who moved university and how they managed that, or who decided to stick with the university they were originally at and it got better. Thank you
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    Maybe you could try gently easing yourself into some societies? Don't rush it, because it can be daunting meeting loads of new people. You can go see your student union as well, because they could make some suggestions?
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    You could always defer until next year. It might give you that bit of time you need to try and become more confident -- or at least comfortable being at university. Every experience is different and unique to the individual, so what it may feel like now could be completely different to another year. Try not to overthink it, and know there is so many options out there, such as communicating with student services, or joining a new society.

    But ultimately, you need to feel comfortable in the situation you are in
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am looking for advice about what to do as I am really hating university at the moment, I can barely stop myself crying every 10 minutes. I have just started the second semester of first year, and sat exams before Christmas. It's not really the academic side of things that is the problem but I was very stressed around exam time. It started in freshers week, I don't get on with flat mates as we are all very different, and none of us really socialise in the kitchen. So I struggled to meet people as I am very very shy so find it difficult to go up to anyone and just start a conversation, and I also couldn't go out drinking cause of my age which is when most people made friends so it was difficult. Once lectures started I sort of just muddled through though wasn't enjoying it, I sat by myself in all my lectures and haven't made friends on my course, I only talked to a few people from one tutorial and a lab. But as I find it very difficult to make friends(it took me years in school to make my best friends now) I haven't really got anyone to talk to. Everyone seems to have made friends and are in groups with people, but I haven't found anyone that I've clicked with at all. I don't think this university is for me as there are a lot of international and English students who are all a year older than me so everyone seems so much more mature than me. I'm now thinking maybe university isn't for me, as I'm so shy and anxious and would much rather still just be at home. Or maybe I'm just too young for university and not ready for such a big change. I'm also thinking about changing universities but I have no idea how I would go about doing that, and it would be moving to a uni that is less reputable, which is why I chose the uni I am now rather than that one. Please don't say oh you just have to get over your shyness and talk to people cause I have really tried but as a very anxious person who has a lot of confidence issues that is very difficult. I just wanted some advice maybe from someone in a similar situation who moved university and how they managed that, or who decided to stick with the university they were originally at and it got better. Thank you
    I'm not ashamed to say that I withdrew from my first university course. Now a year and a half later I'm happier to be going back. Honestly I do think the maturity thing is part of being at university but I also think you have to be confident enough in yourself to be somewhere. Uni is a big stop, most of the time you're in a city you don't know, full of empty unfamiliar faces. It can be daunting, if you're not ready I wouldn't say just move unis, I'd say take some time out until you're confident enough to go back!
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    (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
    Maybe you could try gently easing yourself into some societies? Don't rush it, because it can be daunting meeting loads of new people. You can go see your student union as well, because they could make some suggestions?
    THank you for replying, I have tried to go to a society and I went for a few weeks but it just seemed everyone was so confident and talked to each other and were in groups already. I struggled to join in in talking in these groups so stopped going. There is an advice place so I might contact them I just find it hard to open up to these people, and even with my personal tutor today I just pretended like everything was going great.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You could always defer until next year. It might give you that bit of time you need to try and become more confident -- or at least comfortable being at university. Every experience is different and unique to the individual, so what it may feel like now could be completely different to another year. Try not to overthink it, and know there is so many options out there, such as communicating with student services, or joining a new society.

    But ultimately, you need to feel comfortable in the situation you are in
    Thank you for your advice, I don't want to disappoint my parents by just stopping university suddenly. And I'm not sure whether I'd just come back after summer and still Hate it as much. I don't suppose you know how deferring would work? Would I go back into first year after summer, even though I've already sat exams for the first semester?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    THank you for replying, I have tried to go to a society and I went for a few weeks but it just seemed everyone was so confident and talked to each other and were in groups already. I struggled to join in in talking in these groups so stopped going. There is an advice place so I might contact them I just find it hard to open up to these people, and even with my personal tutor today I just pretended like everything was going great.
    You've got to remember that so many different types of people go to university, and the likelihood of you meeting someone in a similar situation to you is very high, so don't give up I know it'll be difficult, but I urge you to at least hint to your personal tutor that you're struggling. Take advantage of those who are there to make your experience at university go as smoothly as possible. Definitely contact that advice place, even if you don't open up completely, you'll at least feel a little better after getting some of it off your chest
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    (Original post by BabyChow)
    I'm not ashamed to say that I withdrew from my first university course. Now a year and a half later I'm happier to be going back. Honestly I do think the maturity thing is part of being at university but I also think you have to be confident enough in yourself to be somewhere. Uni is a big stop, most of the time you're in a city you don't know, full of empty unfamiliar faces. It can be daunting, if you're not ready I wouldn't say just move unis, I'd say take some time out until you're confident enough to go back!
    Can I ask why you withdrew? And have you gone back to the same university and course? What did you do in your year and a half off? Yeah I'm really not confident at all so being away from home is difficult enough, let alone not enjoying it at all. How exactly does taking time out work?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I ask why you withdrew? And have you gone back to the same university and course? What did you do in your year and a half off? Yeah I'm really not confident at all so being away from home is difficult enough, let alone not enjoying it at all. How exactly does taking time out work?

    I had surgery on my chest. No I won't be returning to the same place I'll be going closer to home but I am going back for the same course. If you want to take time out and you're in your first year of stick it out wait till the end of the year and then withdraw. Take a year off and try again maybe closer to home where you have more support from those around you.
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    I have a good idea what you're going through. If it was half as bad as mine drop out asap. PM me to chat
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    you're at uni to get a degree, a social life is just a bonus.
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      As the user above said you're there for a degree
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      (Original post by ZakirSNaik)
      you're at uni to get a degree, a social life is just a bonus.
      Considering how much they're paying to be there, surely both should be expected...?
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      (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
      Considering how much they're paying to be there, surely both should be expected...?
      No, you're paying the university for tuition and ultimately a degree, not for friends.
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      (Original post by ZakirSNaik)
      No, you're paying the university for tuition and ultimately a degree, not for friends.
      You sound rather salty, did you not make any when you were there?
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      (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
      You sound rather salty, did you not make any when you were there?
      I'm just stating the facts, I'm not trying to have a go at anyone.

      and to answer your question: not at the beginning no but that was alright by me tbh.
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      (Original post by ZakirSNaik)
      No, you're paying the university for tuition and ultimately a degree, not for friends.
      What a strange opinion. I'd say the social part of university is just as important as the degree itself. It develops you as a person overall, and simply studying for 5 years and nothing else for just a bit of paper isn't really worth it to me. It's about the other activities and experiences too.

      OP, I don't really have any advice that hasn't been said; joining societies was my tactic and also forcing myself to chat to course mates. If that is too difficult and causing a lot of stress and anxiety, there is definitely no shame in deferring until you feel more confident in yourself Talk to your advisors/parents/any friends about how you feel?
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      (Original post by ZakirSNaik)
      and to answer your question: not at the beginning no but that was alright by me tbh.
      Ah... That explains it..
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      (Original post by CarysJSLewis)
      Ah... That explains it..
      what exactly does it explain?
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      (Original post by seyrose)
      What a strange opinion. I'd say the social part of university is just as important as the degree itself. It develops you as a person overall, and simply studying for 5 years and nothing else for just a bit of paper isn't really worth it to me. It's about the other activities and experiences too.

      OP, I don't really have any advice that hasn't been said; joining societies was my tactic and also forcing myself to chat to course mates. If that is too difficult and causing a lot of stress and anxiety, there is definitely no shame in deferring until you feel more confident in yourself Talk to your advisors/parents/any friends about how you feel?
      yeah maybe, but at the end of the day, you pay for a degree.
     
     
     
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