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I've done it - I went and I died on my arse.

Didn't show up for the entire second semester and got kicked out.

It got worse and worse to the point where I wouldn't interact with anyone but my (then) girlfriend and I wouldn't go anywhere other than around my halls. I wouldn't reccommend doing it, it was the biggest mistake of my life and it has wasted all that money that I won't ever get back. If you feel strong enough then who am I to tell you not to but I guess it's how you feel you'll cope really.
Reply 2
Anonymous
I've done it - I went and I died on my arse.

Didn't show up for the entire second semester and got kicked out.

It got worse and worse to the point where I wouldn't interact with anyone but my (then) girlfriend and I wouldn't go anywhere other than around my halls. I wouldn't reccommend doing it, it was the biggest mistake of my life and it has wasted all that money that I won't ever get back. If you feel strong enough then who am I to tell you not to but I guess it's how you feel you'll cope really.

That's pretty depressing. I'm generally a bit shy, but you shouldn't just decide to pack everything in because of it. I'd never leave based on that.

Just carry on and talk to others - many people are as shy and as anxious about social situations as you are.
Reply 3
Anonymous
I've done it - I went and I died on my arse.

Didn't show up for the entire second semester and got kicked out.

It got worse and worse to the point where I wouldn't interact with anyone but my (then) girlfriend and I wouldn't go anywhere other than around my halls. I wouldn't reccommend doing it, it was the biggest mistake of my life and it has wasted all that money that I won't ever get back. If you feel strong enough then who am I to tell you not to but I guess it's how you feel you'll cope really.


Dang, I was hoping for some inspirational story about how your life was transformed by going haha.

I am really worried about being thrown in at the deep end like uni will be, but it's been my dream to go uni for years and years.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. :frown:
Reply 4
I guess it really depends how anxious you get in social situations. I'm terrible, I can hardly talk and feel really ill, but I managed to get through my first year. I've become a bit more confident now, and hope to work on it this year again.

Some people might suggest throwing yourself in at the deep end and going to every available social event is the best thing for you to do, but I wouldn't. I'd suggest making an effort with your flat/house mates and then going to events and the like with them, but only go to things where you'd feel comfortable. Going somewhere where you're likely to feel self conscious and nervous the whole time will probably make you feel worse and make you less likely to gain any confidence.

Don't worry if you don't make hundreds of new friends and suddenly be the life and soul of a party within the first month, it'll probably take a bit of time, but try not to worry about it too much. Making a handful of close friends is (imo) the best thing for you to do.
Mine seemed to develop/get worse at uni :frown:
oh fun times.
Reply 6
I'm hoping that my social anxiety will get better during my gap year. I certainly don't want to miss out on Uni... I mean, it's a life thing... not just something you do for the hell of it.

I'm sorry you're very anxious Vixky. Don't give up. If you do go to uni, try to set yourself up with a counsellor or join some sort of support group. It might help you to settle in and you may learn some good coping mechanisms. If you don't go to Uni now, your social anxiety isn't going to get any better. I know people are saying their problem has got worse but every one is different and it isn't something you have to stick with if you really can't cope.

On Saturday, I'm probably doing the most terrifying thing that someone who suffers from social anxiety can do - I'm walking down the aisle in front of 200 people I don't know (bro's wedding)! Wish me luck.

Take care.
Reply 7
I'm in the same situation, I'm starting uni in a few weeks and I'm terrified. That's really good advice Laus
I think i should start a social anxiety society, theres so many of us here. When do you start uni, a cuple of weeks? Thats enough time do do something about your social anxiety. Just by following a few simple techniques you can feel better. I wouldnt go shopping after about 10am because it got too busy, or wouldnt answer the door a couple of weeks ago. I have written posts on here before about how to cope with it and improve how you feel, so apologies to anyone whos read all this before, but i think its worth writing some things out as uni approaches. Remember these methods can be used for shyness/ extreme shyness as well, as this shares many traits of sa.

Social anxiety usually has 4 effects on you. 1. Effects on your thinking, eg. worrying what others think of you, 2. Effects on behaviour, eg. avoiding catching someones eye, 3. Effects on the body, eg. getting tense, blushing and 4. Effects on emotions, eg./ feeling underconfident or fustrated with yourself.

Write down what effect it has on you for each of these catagories. Now write seperatly what you want to change, and how you want to be in social situations.
Now heres a few ground rules. 1. There is a natural level of social anxiety in everyone, even the most cofident people, its there to protect you so dont expect it to go completly, its supposed to e there a little bit. 2. There will be times when you mess things up. For example you say things wrong or cant remember someones name. DONT let this knock your confidence at all. Other people just move one, forget it, so you do the same. Analysing these things doesnt help.
Theres certain ways of helping. Unhelpful ways are people saying things like'dont worry, it'll be fine' or 'you're always ok' these give you a little high then you feel bad again. The way to get over it is to beat it. Which is what youre going to do.
Ok.
To cope with your social anxiety most people will practice avoidence techniques and safety behaviours. Heres an example. You have to go to a party on your first night at uni. You worry about it loads but go anyway. At the party you sit in the corner on your own, not wanting to intrude or get in anyones way. If they wanted to talk to me they'd approach me right? They are all having a great time thinking she must want to be left alone so we''l stay over here. You think everyones looking at you and decide to call it a night, feeling they dont want you there.
STOP
The first thing we do is observe the cycle. You get nervous, feel self concious, try to escape and leave the situation. Get to know your avoidence tactics and conciously dont do them, however hard it is stay in that social situation. Where you'd normally not go or hide away, put yourself there.
Many sa sufferers think other people see them the way they see themselves. THIS IS NOT TURE! Other people havent got a clue who you are, they dont know you feel bright red and shaky, they see a potential friend. When you get there people will want you to be their friend.
Often when faced with a social situation, you will come up with an image in your mind of when a smililar situation went badly, and you'll apply it to this sitaution. Everytime. Clear those thoughts. This isnt that time. Why would it be the same? Heres an example.
See yourself shy at school, embarrassed >>>> Cant think what to say>>>Feel self concious>>>>>See yourself shy at school.

To stop feeling so self concious you need to not think about yourself. at the moment you probably think like'' i'm going red, how long will this last, what do i say'' which is not the way to approach it. Instead think and concentrate on exactly what they are saying, the other person and whats going on around you. No inward thoughts.

You will need a notebook from now on to start writing down your feelings, and importantly your successes! The first changes will be small and often un noticed until you read back your notes! Things like you opened the door and greeted someone, you went someone you wouldnt normally have gone. They might seem silly but they are big steps on the road to confidence, and you will be able to see how far you've come.

If you dont know what to say, think would you mind if someone asked you? If you'd like someone to ask you to be friends, they're bound to feel the same about you.

When you have an upsetting thought, like i looked really stupid, thats not the only explaination. Think of alternatives like perhaps everyone does in wa while, and it doesnt mean i'm stupid.

Dropping your safety behavious will feel risky, but it is essential to feeling better. Take the risk. Write down before the evetn what you think will happen if you drop your guard, let go. Now do your social thing, and after write down what acctually happened. Eventually you will start to see things are not as you thought they would be, and everybody was acctually wuite nice and you had an ok time.

Were you bullied? many people are and it can have long lasting effects. I always remember people spitting paper into my hair at school, and being thrown in a bush. Being bullied teaches you that you're not acceptable as you are. THIS IS WRONG> YOU ARE ACCEPTABLE AS YOU ARE! you, exactly you right now are jsut as acceptable to people as anyone else. Its pk to be you.

Always remember that.

Think of the bullying as what it is, a primitive reaction amde for primitive reasons that has nothing to do with your acceptability and worth on you as a person then, let alone now.
Some other important things are to learn some relaxation techniques. Being anxious is tiring, and being able to relax is important especially before a social occasion. Also, you need to do things you enjoy, solitery or with a group so long as its nothing to do with social anxiety and you really enjoy it.

I'm still trying get over my social anxiety, but it gives you such a high when you have a little success, and you can do it. Rememer to write everything down, thoughts, feelings, predictions, everything. I dont know if i've written everything down, or even if it makes any sense. I got all this from reading and from what works for me.
Get from it what helps. I am starting uni in september as well.
If anyone wants to talk or anything, pm me.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Reply 9
Laus: thank you, that's excellent advice. I'm going to see my college counsellor in a few weeks so hopefully that will help.

lammy: thank you, that's REALLY helpful. I'm not starting uni until next year, I'm just wondering whether I should bother applying or not or whether I'll just quit and leave like I have done at college 3 times.

The writing things down is a great idea, recently I've noticed my SA getting better but I am not sure why. In the past few weeks I've told my teachers & several friends about my SA (no one knew before), made a couple of phone calls (possibly the worst thing for me), applied for a volunteering position & gone back to college (for the fourth time!).

I'm going to start writing it down though & doing the other things you suggested. Everything you said was spot on and although I wasn't technically bullied, a few silly comments by people at school have really stuck with me. But it's more my own thoughts that affect me and the fact that I think everyone hates me. Even when deep down, I know they probably don't.

Thanks so much for your help, I'm definitely going to apply to uni now because I think I can beat it (at least to a certain extent) in a year. :biggrin:
some with some form or a bit of social anxiety...have to realize, step back, and come to appreciate that the focus isn't on them, people are quite introverted really and probably don't think too much about others, as they're only and also too busy worrying how they themselves come across. Thinking too much about yourself is very unhealthy, try and focus on the external, and not the internal. i.e. in busy crowded places, you may feel everyone is looking at you, as you're quite self-conscious and may show this...reality is, everyone is minding their own business, doing their own ****....
It's mainly one-to-one situations that I have problems with. I cannot start a conversation to any randomer without freezing completely. I find that it was worst at the time I was looking for voluntary work (didn't want a paid job) but I couldn't do it so I didn't feel worthy and then couldn't go back.
Reply 12
vixky!
Anyone done it? How did you cope? Has it changed/improved?


Ive done it.

It was hard, Im not going to deny that. In my first year I was really, really bad, my confidence was at an all time low and I missed loads of classes. Most I missed as I was too scared/nervous to go in, I worried all the time about what other people would be thinking about me as Id missed so many classes. That feeling got worse, and I became petrified of going in as I thought people would be gossiping about me missing all the time. One girl in particular I felt had started to constantly bitch about me, and my paranoia became really bad. In reality she probably wasnt saying anything, but I was convinced she was.

After that though I started to improve, and in the end I spoke to one of my lecturers about my problem and they were actually really helpful- from then on I felt a lot less isolated. I forced myself to go to certain things gradually to get used to my surroundings and after that I was able to attend a lot more, and felt a lot more comfortable and less anxious.
I have unknowingly suffered from social anxiety throughout my childhood but now I recognise what's going on with me and that Im not just a freak who cant walk past some people in the supermarket or whatever my confidence has grown. If you recognise you have a problem it's a lot easier to solve.

I start uni in 9 days and I am so nervous about it but at the same time Im going to use it as an opportunity to prove to myself that I CAN fit in and I WILL be enjoying myself, no matter what :smile:
Reply 14
Danielle89
I have unknowingly suffered from social anxiety throughout my childhood but now I recognise what's going on with me and that Im not just a freak who cant walk past some people in the supermarket or whatever my confidence has grown. If you recognise you have a problem it's a lot easier to solve.

I start uni in 9 days and I am so nervous about it but at the same time Im going to use it as an opportunity to prove to myself that I CAN fit in and I WILL be enjoying myself, no matter what :smile:


GOOD LUCK!! I know you can do it. :smile:
I haven't read all the posts but would like to say i think i suffer from Social Anxiety too. I haven't been diagnosed by anyone, but i'm quite sure of it. I fit every description. It also explains a lot of **** from my past. Throughout the last 3 years or so i've been helping myself to overcome it, though i wasn't aware this is a disorder, it was sort of concious character developement. I'm going to uni the week after the next. I have no idea what's going to happen or how i'll cope. I'm not looking forward to Freshers week at all and it's not just the anxiety, i seriously don't even like all that social stuff. But i'm going to take a dive and see what happens.
Its reasuring to here so many people are suffering with the same thing. I think a big step foward i made was just talking to the doctor about it. Its never something i've spoken to anyone about, and it did really help.
Vixky i'm pleased you're still going to apply to uni, it sounds like you are making some positive steps in beating it.
Good luck to everyone starting uni, it wont be easy but i think its a good chance for us all to get over the anxiety. I suppose i'm not really thinking about it at the moment because the thought seriously scares me, but my determination to go and succeed will over ride my problems, and i'm slowly getting better anyway with lots of work on what i've said in my other post.
Danielle89 good luck when you start.You sound like you have a really good attitude towards it.
Thanks vikky and Lammy, I think many people suffer from SA but dont get diagnosed. I have never been to a doctor about it as I prefer to try to get over these things myself but apparently something called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can be very helpful if you get a diagnosis and a referral to a therapist. However, as with many mental disorders it can apparently be hard to get a diagnosis.

I have one person from here i regularly talk to and it helps to speak to someone going through what you're going through so I think an SA society on here would be very helpful to many people :smile:
I wouldn't call it social anxiety..but i know what its like to go uni and not relate to anyone. Give up, stop showing up for lectures, not speak to anyone and drop out because you given up so bad :frown:
I wouldn't say I'm shy, but definitely quiet quite a lot. I can be a very open person once I get to know people, but when I'm starting something new with new people, that can be the difficult thing as I find I've got to get to know them before they get to know me. And when everyone thinks like that, it's a recipe for disaster.