I think i should start a social anxiety society, theres so many of us here. When do you start uni, a cuple of weeks? Thats enough time do do something about your social anxiety. Just by following a few simple techniques you can feel better. I wouldnt go shopping after about 10am because it got too busy, or wouldnt answer the door a couple of weeks ago. I have written posts on here before about how to cope with it and improve how you feel, so apologies to anyone whos read all this before, but i think its worth writing some things out as uni approaches. Remember these methods can be used for shyness/ extreme shyness as well, as this shares many traits of sa.
Social anxiety usually has 4 effects on you. 1. Effects on your thinking, eg. worrying what others think of you, 2. Effects on behaviour, eg. avoiding catching someones eye, 3. Effects on the body, eg. getting tense, blushing and 4. Effects on emotions, eg./ feeling underconfident or fustrated with yourself.
Write down what effect it has on you for each of these catagories. Now write seperatly what you want to change, and how you want to be in social situations.
Now heres a few ground rules. 1. There is a natural level of social anxiety in everyone, even the most cofident people, its there to protect you so dont expect it to go completly, its supposed to e there a little bit. 2. There will be times when you mess things up. For example you say things wrong or cant remember someones name. DONT let this knock your confidence at all. Other people just move one, forget it, so you do the same. Analysing these things doesnt help.
Theres certain ways of helping. Unhelpful ways are people saying things like'dont worry, it'll be fine' or 'you're always ok' these give you a little high then you feel bad again. The way to get over it is to beat it. Which is what youre going to do.
Ok.
To cope with your social anxiety most people will practice avoidence techniques and safety behaviours. Heres an example. You have to go to a party on your first night at uni. You worry about it loads but go anyway. At the party you sit in the corner on your own, not wanting to intrude or get in anyones way. If they wanted to talk to me they'd approach me right? They are all having a great time thinking she must want to be left alone so we''l stay over here. You think everyones looking at you and decide to call it a night, feeling they dont want you there.
STOP
The first thing we do is observe the cycle. You get nervous, feel self concious, try to escape and leave the situation. Get to know your avoidence tactics and conciously dont do them, however hard it is stay in that social situation. Where you'd normally not go or hide away, put yourself there.
Many sa sufferers think other people see them the way they see themselves. THIS IS NOT TURE! Other people havent got a clue who you are, they dont know you feel bright red and shaky, they see a potential friend. When you get there people will want you to be their friend.
Often when faced with a social situation, you will come up with an image in your mind of when a smililar situation went badly, and you'll apply it to this sitaution. Everytime. Clear those thoughts. This isnt that time. Why would it be the same? Heres an example.
See yourself shy at school, embarrassed >>>> Cant think what to say>>>Feel self concious>>>>>See yourself shy at school.
To stop feeling so self concious you need to not think about yourself. at the moment you probably think like'' i'm going red, how long will this last, what do i say'' which is not the way to approach it. Instead think and concentrate on exactly what they are saying, the other person and whats going on around you. No inward thoughts.
You will need a notebook from now on to start writing down your feelings, and importantly your successes! The first changes will be small and often un noticed until you read back your notes! Things like you opened the door and greeted someone, you went someone you wouldnt normally have gone. They might seem silly but they are big steps on the road to confidence, and you will be able to see how far you've come.
If you dont know what to say, think would you mind if someone asked you? If you'd like someone to ask you to be friends, they're bound to feel the same about you.
When you have an upsetting thought, like i looked really stupid, thats not the only explaination. Think of alternatives like perhaps everyone does in wa while, and it doesnt mean i'm stupid.
Dropping your safety behavious will feel risky, but it is essential to feeling better. Take the risk. Write down before the evetn what you think will happen if you drop your guard, let go. Now do your social thing, and after write down what acctually happened. Eventually you will start to see things are not as you thought they would be, and everybody was acctually wuite nice and you had an ok time.
Were you bullied? many people are and it can have long lasting effects. I always remember people spitting paper into my hair at school, and being thrown in a bush. Being bullied teaches you that you're not acceptable as you are. THIS IS WRONG> YOU ARE ACCEPTABLE AS YOU ARE! you, exactly you right now are jsut as acceptable to people as anyone else. Its pk to be you.
Always remember that.
Think of the bullying as what it is, a primitive reaction amde for primitive reasons that has nothing to do with your acceptability and worth on you as a person then, let alone now.
Some other important things are to learn some relaxation techniques. Being anxious is tiring, and being able to relax is important especially before a social occasion. Also, you need to do things you enjoy, solitery or with a group so long as its nothing to do with social anxiety and you really enjoy it.
I'm still trying get over my social anxiety, but it gives you such a high when you have a little success, and you can do it. Rememer to write everything down, thoughts, feelings, predictions, everything. I dont know if i've written everything down, or even if it makes any sense. I got all this from reading and from what works for me.
Get from it what helps. I am starting uni in september as well.
If anyone wants to talk or anything, pm me.
GOOD LUCK!!!