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My nurse "abandoned" my smear, said it's because I'm a virgin Watch

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    I'm 24 and a virgin, I went to the doctors because I turn 25 this year so they said I need to start having smears. The nurse couldn't get the speculum in, she even tried the small one and that didn't go either.

    She said it's because I've never been sexually active, assumed I was straight and would sleep with men and said to come back after I've had sex a few times and "it'll just slide right in".

    I have been left feeling very upset by this, I didn't think that would make a difference and I'm also not happy with her attitude about it. I won't be seeing her again when I go back (luckily there's also a female doctor who I can see instead). But I didn't think I was all that nervous and I was doing my best to relax but now I know when I go back I'll be super tense because of what happened last time.

    She also told me not to let it put me off having sex, because that would be different and I'd be more relaxed then, but how do I not, really?

    I know it's silly to be upset about this, but I can't help it. I had a really good cry about it last night but I avoided my mum because I honestly can't say why I'm upset with any clarity. I'm just upset.

    Does anyone else have any similar experiences or any advice for me?

    Thanks.
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    That's ridiculous! A smear test is for cervical cancer, whether you're sexually active or not there's still a risk. I'd make a complaint and see another nurse, it's an important thing to have done.
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    (Original post by Shan_non)
    That's ridiculous! A smear test is for cervical cancer, completely unrelated to whether you're sexually active or not. I'd make a complaint and see another nurse, it's an important thing to have done.
    If your still a virgin and have had no sexusl contact (penetrative or skin to skin involving the vagina) then your risk is super low and you can chose not to have the smear test

    http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/964.aspx?CategoryID=118&

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    (Original post by PandaWho)
    If your still a virgin and have had no sexusl contact (penetrative or skin to skin involving the vagina) then your risk is super low and you can chose not to have the smear test

    http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/964.aspx?CategoryID=118&

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    But there is still a risk and that's why I went, figured I'd just get it sorted and then not have to worry for 3 years.
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    (Original post by Shan_non)
    That's ridiculous! A smear test is for cervical cancer, completely unrelated to whether you're sexually active or not. I'd make a complaint and see another nurse, it's an important thing to have done.
    Thanks for your response!

    This is what my friends have said and what I thought as well.

    I mentioned it to the new practice nurse today (had to have a pill check) and she asked what the other nurse had said but didn't say anything about that not being right or anything. I'm certainly not going to tell the receptionist, I don't think it warrants an appointment on its own and I don't want to try and squeeze it in (pardon the pun) at the end of another appointment with the doctor, so I'm really not sure what to do.
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    (Original post by Shan_non)
    That's ridiculous! A smear test is for cervical cancer, completely unrelated to whether you're sexually active or not. I'd make a complaint and see another nurse, it's an important thing to have done.
    Erm, cervical cancer is VERY related to whether you're sexually active or not. HPV infection, which causes the vast majority of cervical cancer, is almost unheard of in people who have never had sex, and increases with the number of sexual partners someone has.

    OP - the nurse wasn't very tactful, but she is right that as you are a virgin, putting the speculum in will be more difficult and possibly painful. There are special extra-small ones for this purpose, which may have been what she tried, but if you are keen to have the screening done (which as has already been pointed out, is not essential as your risk is extremely low) then you could ask for someone else to do it or see if your local sexual health clinic can.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Erm, cervical cancer is VERY related to whether you're sexually active or not. HPV infection, which causes the vast majority of cervical cancer, is almost unheard of in people who have never had sex, and increases with the number of sexual partners someone has.

    OP - the nurse wasn't very tactful, but she is right that as you are a virgin, putting the speculum in will be more difficult and possibly painful. There are special extra-small ones for this purpose, which may have been what she tried, but if you are keen to have the screening done (which as has already been pointed out, is not essential as your risk is extremely low) then you could ask for someone else to do it or see if your local sexual health clinic can.
    I had the HPV vaccine as well, but the nurse at the time of the vaccine (different one) said smears were still necessary, as it was not all kinds of HPV that were vaccinated for but because HPV wasn't the only cause of cervical cancer.

    I would really prefer if it was just done for peace of mind reasons and also because I feel like the longer I wait now after what happened on Tuesday the worse I'll build it (and possibly sex now as well) up to be in my head...
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    Nurses have no tact sometimes. The one who did my first one years ago was so abrupt about it. You're a very low risk having never had sex but it's still good to get it done anyway. I can't see how being a virgin would make it that difficult unless you have vaginismus? Have you used tampons before? Or a vibrator?
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    (Original post by LavenderBlueSky88)
    Nurses have no tact sometimes. The one who did my first one years ago was so abrupt about it. You're a very low risk having never had sex but it's still good to get it done anyway. I can't see how being a virgin would make it that difficult unless you have vaginismus? Have you used tampons before? Or a vibrator?
    I should have known really, this nurse has been so awful to my mum in the past, but I just wanted the first appointment to get it over and done with, I didn't even care who it was with. I should have waited for the female doctor.

    Tampons, yes. Vibrator, not so much.
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    98 plus of cases are related to hpv of some type. if youve never had sexual contact. including oral then their is no need for a test. unless there is a history in your family or your cycle is not normal. ie spotting. nowt to be annoyed about its a nasty condition if not caught early.
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    Definitely a complete lack of tact. I've had trouble with getting a smear and have had to have it done under general anaesthetic because my muscles won't relax enough. Not particularly helped by the time a nurse got a speculum stuck.

    She should have spent some time properly reassuring you and/or teaching you how to relax your muscles. This can be done (if don't have vaginismus) even when in pain or anxious
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Definitely a complete lack of tact. I've had trouble with getting a smear and have had to have it done under general anaesthetic because my muscles won't relax enough. Not particularly helped by the time a nurse got a speculum stuck.

    She should have spent some time properly reassuring you and/or teaching you how to relax your muscles. This can be done (if don't have vaginismus) even when in pain or anxious
    Thank you, I feel much less like I'm overreacting being upset about it now.

    Oh my god, that sounds awful. I feel like my experience is nothing compared to that.

    I have recently become aware of vaginismus through some feminist twitters, I don't know if its something I should be possibly concerned about now. Who do you think would be the best person to talk to about that?

    I read something online about working on pelvic floor muscles, like if I do lots of exercising of them I should be more likely to be able to control them and make them relax?
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    why are you worrying about stuff you dont have. is there something that is stressing you out.
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    (Original post by paulbarlow)
    why are you worrying about stuff you dont have. is there something that is stressing you out.
    I don't understand what you mean.
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    your worried about a illness caused by a sexually transmitted infection, your concerned about a sexual health issue. your a virgin until your active and i dont mean the first few times you wont know. but its very unlikely that you will have that problem. the only thing you need to do is when you do become active just relax and enjoy the experience. you just seem anxious about this area. really no need. because worry and anxiety will cause sexual dysfunction.
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    (Original post by paulbarlow)
    your worried about a illness caused by a sexually transmitted infection, your concerned about a sexual health issue. your a virgin until your active and i dont mean the first few times you wont know. but its very unlikely that you will have that problem. the only thing you need to do is when you do become active just relax and enjoy the experience. you just seem anxious about this area. really no need. because worry and anxiety will cause sexual dysfunction.
    She has avright to worry. A small percentage of people can get cervical cancer if they are not sexually active, but the nhs suggest its not urgant to get tested if you arnt sexually active

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    (Original post by paulbarlow)
    your worried about a illness caused by a sexually transmitted infection, your concerned about a sexual health issue. your a virgin until your active and i dont mean the first few times you wont know. but its very unlikely that you will have that problem. the only thing you need to do is when you do become active just relax and enjoy the experience. you just seem anxious about this area. really no need. because worry and anxiety will cause sexual dysfunction.
    (Original post by PandaWho)
    She has avright to worry. A small percentage of people can get cervical cancer if they are not sexually active, but the nhs suggest its not urgant to get tested if you arnt sexually active

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    Thanks PandaWho.

    I'm not concerned that I have cervical cancer, I am concerned that she couldn't insert the speculum, I am upset that it was painful when it wasn't supposed to be, that it persisted to ache for the rest of the day, that I had spotting like bleeding for 2 days and that her solution to this was to tell me to come back after having sex with a man a few times and then it'll be fine. I'm also now concerned that if I do decide to have sex with a man it will hurt (especially given how shaken this experience left me) but according to her that's what I need to do for screening - and if I never have sex with a man, am I just going to not be able to screened and in the future it would be possible that I'd get cervical cancer?

    I know I'm low risk now and I probably don't have to worry about it at this exact moment, but I'm worried about the future.
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    ok i see. dont worry. when your ready to have sex your body will loosen up and lubricate. sex and what the nurse was doing are very very different. reason for spotting is that she was to rough. enjoy your studies and life
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    OP don't worry about the sex thing, having a speculum put inside you is super awkward and uncomfortable and definitely not arousing haha when you have sex it'll be totally different you'll be 'lubricated' and turned on and it won't be a cold piece of plastic going inside you
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    Kegel exercises - yes they can help because you learn the sensation of relaxed. You can use them to practise going limp.

    If you're worried about your smear experience ask to see a gynaecologist. They diagnose vaginismus and offer treatment - but sounds like you're also worried about the physical side effects of the smear. Some discomfort is not unusual the cervix is sensitive and having smear can cause tummy pain and some spotting but always good to get checked out.
 
 
 
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