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Feel so desperate and worthless after awful degree grade despite working so hard Watch

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    Hi everyone, I'm keeping it anonymous incase friends/family see this and get worried.

    In last Summer I graduated from what is seen to be quite a good London uni (I honestly am not trying to come across as arrogant I promise, just trying to set context on their academic pressures - King's) with a 2:2, one mark off a 2:1. I can't even describe to you how much it devastated me, how I still sob about it every other day lying in bed, how it still haunts me at night, my failings. How everyone told me that without a 2:1 I may as well not have bothered going to uni, then quickly ushering me false sweet words of advice after getting my grades to comfort me.

    People usually say they get 2:2s either due to lack of academic ability, or lack of hard work. Well, during final year and third year (four year course) I locked myself away, never went out, never saw my friends because I was in the library doing extra reading or improving my grades on my grammar or seeing tutors (I was doing languages). I remember feeling so isolated and alone because all my friends still managed to go out and work at a reasonable pace and get good grades. I was essentially working 9-5 everyday at least in equivalent of studying and still struggling hugely. I developed massive anxiety attacks and depression during the year from the pressure of getting a 2:1, and my dad had a heart attack right during my final exams and my university were really poor at pastoral care/giving me extra help. I felt so alone as I drove through my final exams, absolutely mentally and physically exhausted, literally not being able to give any extra oomph...I got a 2:2, which leads me to the only logical conclusion that I'm not particularly intelligent, qualified, or worthy of a bright future, seeing as I had worked so so hard I literally couldn't have done anymore. I honestly since then haven't been able to get it off my mind. I feel sick everyday, want an escape from the mental pain so I don't have to think about it. I was thinking about how bad life is and how I'm angry I had been born because life is basically just suffering, and how I have about 60 more years of this. I don't think I can cope. Everyone says if you get a 2:2 that's it, waste of time at uni. I didn't even have that great a time there socially because I didn't really fit in and student life makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable. I'm seeing a professional now and she is amazing and makes me feel better but sometimes when I'm alone I can't let this go particularly when it comes to applying to jobs, I'm at home now and my parents are so loving and supportive and helping me out but want me to start getting a living for my own dignity but honestly the thought of going to an interview and facing failure again brings me to tears and makes me feel sick with heartbreak and knowing that I worked so so hard with all my soul and still didn't succeed makes me think what's the point in life because that's what I've always been told - work hard and you'll make it.

    I'm so so sorry for the long post, I'm just desperate for advice and kind words or a virtual hug because I feel so alone and so desperate and don't know what to do, I don't have many stories of people with bad grades having good lives, and I'd love to know what I can do to get control back, I don't want to do anything 'permanent' so to speak because my parents have already lost one daughter so I have to keep going...for them...

    Has anyone else managed to make their way back from major setbacks and if so how? I'd love some advice on how I can shake the monkey off my back so to speak, move on and try to make the best of a very bad situation.
    • #2
    #2

    Grades do not define your worth.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Grades do not define your worth.
    I never cease to be amazed at what will prompt people to go 'Anonymous'.
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    Could you appeal? One mark could easily have been missed. Go back to your university and discuss this and the lack of consideration of your extenuating circumstances (your dad's heart attack). Please see your GP about your mental health. You need to get on top.of that as quickly as you can.
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    (Original post by AnaBaptist)
    Could you appeal? One mark could easily have been missed. Go back to your university and discuss this and the lack of consideration of your extenuating circumstances (your dad's heart attack). Please see your GP about your mental health. You need to get on top.of that as quickly as you can.
    this. please do this.
 
 
 
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