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    • Thread Starter

    I'm a student at university, third year of a four year course.
    Due to moving and family troubles, I only made a few friends back home and wasn't that close to them.
    I made two close friends when I started university, who are my closest friends, one of which I am particularly close to and consider my best friend.

    What I am experiencing is that my mental state gets better and worsens as my friendship with this best friend changes. It hasn't been a stable friendship.
    At the start of first year of university she seemed to like me a lot and kept seeking out my company, and it was a very happy time for me. However, halfway through first year, she became distant due to an argument we had and remained distant and wouldn't speak to me for a long time.
    At the start of our second year, she seemed to warm to me again, however she dropped out due to problems she was experiencing and afterwards was hardly in touch for the rest of the academic year.
    At the start of our third year, she returned to university and started speaking to me and hanging out with me every single day, and I felt like we had become very close and had such a good time with her as I enjoyed her company so much. However, she started becoming busier with work and more settled into her year so wanted to see me less, I got upset (perhaps unfairly so) and argued with her a couple of times where I'd asked to hang out and she'd been unavailable, and I felt like it was always on her terms, and I accused her of using me and such, and now she's distanced herself again. She says my behaviour in constantly wanting to hang out with her and message her has made her not want to come to university, and says that she needs to focus on work. However as I do not want to hang out with her all the time, so I feel this might be paranoia on her part. I understand the work bit as she does find it difficult and it does give her anxiety.

    Yesterday, I got a text from her that was spontaneous (ie not in response to anything I messaged her) and I was in a calm relaxed mood all day. Today, as I've sent her things and not had a reply, I feel very low, lost and lonely.

    I know you're not supposed to depend on anybody else for your happiness. However, the friendship has fluctuated so much that maybe I am perfectly normal in feeling this way. Also, I do enjoy her company so much that having her out of my life makes it a lot less pleasant, a lot duller. I feel that getting the friendship in order would help me recover, but don't know how to go about doing this. I have tried to feel better on my own but not much helps.
    • TSR Support Team

    TSR Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not really sure what to suggest for this. I've been in a similar situation and it's horrible, and really not good for your mental health either short or long term. That doesn't mean things will always be like this though.

    The main thing I'd say is get some help with things in general. Talk to your GP and uni support services about what's going on, how you feel etc and they should be able to help you- not with this particular situation, but about your mental health in other ways. There's only so much you can do alone and whilst getting help is hard, it's definitely worth it! I'd also do what you can to make some more friends, through societies or whatever else you're interested in. It's always nice to know different people and whilst that doesn't solve this friendship, it might mean the fluctuations in it have less of an impact on you. Finally, remember that your friend is human too. No-one is perfect and she has her own life, and however much she might want to see or help you she has to put herself first. If she's struggling with MH too that can make that even more important. I know that doesn't help you but it might help you know how she feels a bit too if that makes sense.

    Hope things work out for you whatever happens sorry if that doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm tired!
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