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How to make something seem not a big deal? Watch

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    I was supposed to be going to visit my boyfriend in May because he's living in a different country for university. I was supposed to be going with a friend of mine, we'd agreed months ago, and she was certain she could go. My parents have allowed me to go as long as I am with her. My friend told me yesterday, her dad has said she can't go with me because it isn't safe for her to go to another country, as she's a woman and men could harass her, not sure why she didn't ask her dad 3 months before we planned it as it would've saved me getting my hopes up and telling my boyfriend I was coming. We are both 21 also.

    I've been looking forward to seeing him for 3 months now, and I felt nothing but depressed ever since she told me, I felt like crying. It's out of my control, she said he dad will not agree and so the trip is called off. I don't know how to tell him that I don't know exactly when I'm coming anymore. We Skype, call, text etc everyday. If I make it seem serious, and say all seriously I need to speak with you etc and tell him, will there be a stronger reaction from him because I'm making it look a big deal? Or should I just play it all really casually, and say 'oh actually I'm not sure when I'm coming' and move onto the next topic? I've been delaying telling him.
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    dont delay it, tell him ASAP, the longer you leave it the more it'll hurt :yep:
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    You don't need to make it seem disastrous, but do be clear about it and tell him as soon as is good.
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    It is a big deal, so don't act like it isn't. That doesn't mean break down and cry when you're telling him, but do take it seriously. If it isn't a big deal, it won't bother you. If it is a big deal, that's something you'll have to work together to get through. Be honest, because in LDR's communication is the only thing you have.
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    (Original post by CleverSquirrel)
    dont delay it, tell him ASAP, the longer you leave it the more it'll hurt :yep:
    I hate delaying it but the more I delay it, the more days he gets to be happy before I go and ruin it. I don't want to see him get all disappointed in me. I would never have even said to him I was meeting up with him in June if my friend hadn't suggested we go together, convinced me she was being serious and that it was alright, not informing me she hadn't actually asked her parents. I'm a bit embarrassed to tell him because we're both at a really good place in our relationship right now and are going pretty strong. :/
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    (Original post by prazzyjazzy)
    It is a big deal, so don't act like it isn't. That doesn't mean break down and cry when you're telling him, but do take it seriously. If it isn't a big deal, it won't bother you. If it is a big deal, that's something you'll have to work together to get through. Be honest, because in LDR's communication is the only thing you have.
    I don't know what goes on in his mind, I mean he sees me everyday via Skype before he goes to sleep, and we talk for ages so our communication is quite good anyway. He hasn't ever asked 'so when are you coming here?' or anything so he's not pressurising me to visit, maybe he doesn't mind not knowing exactly when I can come. I can't really help it, my other friends are all busy with things and it's not their job to come with me, nor am I allowed to travel alone. I could go with my parents but again, I really don't know when. I don't really want to tell him over Skype because I can't hide how distraught I am, nor do I want to see him get frustrated or disappointed, I'd rather just text him or say it on the phone. Does that seem okay?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate delaying it but the more I delay it, the more days he gets to be happy before I go and ruin it. I don't want to see him get all disappointed in me. I would never have even said to him I was meeting up with him in June if my friend hadn't suggested we go together, convinced me she was being serious and that it was alright, not informing me she hadn't actually asked her parents. I'm a bit embarrassed to tell him because we're both at a really good place in our relationship right now and are going pretty strong. :/
    If you say it now it later- you've got to admit he'll be upset either way- you just to say it.
    I know it's embarrassing to say but explain it to him, I'm sure he's understanding and will understand why you can't make it- if you're as strong as you say you are then it's no biggie- tell him, honestly
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    you're 21 and had to get a friend to go with you to see your boyfriend? why does this stop you... are you asian and have to lie to your parents about your reasons? tbh I wouldn't wanna go with a friend to see their boyfriend, it would be SO third wheel and uncomfortable and probably boring too so you can't blame your friend, she may well not have been keen anyway

    just tell him, doesn't really matter how you do it - maybe he can come see you instead
 
 
 
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