Aimless rant regarding my possibly newly single friend

14

I've had a friend stay from France stay with me this summer with whom I am very close. We share a lot of the same interests, have been out a lot together this summer and have enjoyed each other's company, and we've become more close as the summer has passed. I've only ever held back from making a move on her because she has a long term boyfriend (of three years). However, he dumped her (by text) the week before she came back to France (ten days ago now). She was shocked at first; she wasn't expecting it, but as the days have passed she seemed more and more sure that things were final. When he emailed her saying he regretted dumping her, she told me that "he's made his bed and he can lie in it". Things seemed pretty final. So far so good. What is weird is that they are currently in Amsterdam together on a holiday planned before the break-up. She told me that it would be weird going together, but neither one of them wanted to cancel. As a result I thought I wouldn't say anything to her until she's back from Amsterdam incase once face to face they go back on the break-up. I thought the time together would either clear the air, or force them back together. Either way things would become clear.

However, we went to Lille and on the first night went to this massive party with some of her friends. There my friend was hit upon by this guy who I thought wasn't at all her type, he was a real creep, but she was totally receptive (and I don't think she had drunk alot either). Anyway they ended up kissing and I became really jealous, which is not at all like me usually. I watched them for a while, and ended up storming off in a rage. I wandered the streets for a while and let the anger pass without saying anything to her. This worries me because I never get jealous like this; but they guy was a real creep and it annoys me that she can just get with guys like that before the old boyfriend is even out of her hair.

I don't quite know where I'm going with this, but I guess in lieu of being able to text her (she didn't take a phone to Amsterdam) I wanted to vent here; I don't get jealous usually but at the back of my mind all summer I've thought how we'd be a great couple if she were single, we have a lot of fun together and I've really looked after her while she's in Cardiff. Yet as soon as she is single and back in France she's off with guys who I thought weren't at all her type. I guess I'm annoyed to because if she is after this type of creepy guy then I don't stand a chance. Second guessing myself I guess I'm too far into the "friend zone", we've known each other for a while but she's always been with this same boyfriend, and I know that if she had not been I may well have asked her out.

Anyway I feel much easier for having typed all that out, and any advice (such as "don't do it") would be greatly appreciated. She comes back from Alsterdam to meet me in Paris on Saturday; so I'll hear how things went with the current ex then. Thanks for hearing me out.

Reply 1

dh00001

16

so do you want to be with her?
if you do you need to think about if you would put your friendship on the line. if she says no it could change the shape of your relationship.

Reply 2

username47781

20

It could be awkward if you made a move, but then again if you don't make a move, you will be wondering what if?

Reply 3

Carl

OP

14

dh00001 and rock fan: that did occur to me. She can be quite flirty but I never read anything into it because her and the ex seemed to be a fixture. Now things have changed I don't know how things could turn out. I guess I need to wait until she's back and see how things pan out.

Reply 4

dh00001

16

so i take it you do like her?
do you have any reason to think its reciprocated?

Reply 5

evil groove

Don't get upset about her and that other guy. She was in all probability just on the rebound. It's a good thing she didn't have her mobile with her so that you didn't send her any angry (and annoying) messages. She's probably as confused about her situation as you are, if not more so.

For now, have a good think about whether or not she has actually ever shown any signs at all that she may fancy you. If you can't think of any it's probs best to forget about her, in that way.

Look at all the probablies lol.

Reply 6

Dionysus

15

Personally I would go for it. You'll never be content with just being a friend, if you want more than that and have waited so long.

Reply 7

SilverWings

14

Are you sexually attracted to her??

I know, I know - it seems like a weird question, but, I went out with one of my best friends one night and she got off with some really creepy guy and one of her girl mates from uni, I had to leave the place we were in because I was so filled with jelousy about the whole thing. Why *him* and *her* and not me?? I had a complete rage in me that I just had to walk off.

Strangely though I'm not sexually attracted to her and if she tried to kiss me or "do" anything I'd probably decline, so I think it was more likely just my [wholly efficient] protection program kicking in than actual jelousy [even though it felt a halluva lot like the green monster].

Just my two cents.

Reply 8

Carl

OP

14

I am attracted to her and always have been, I've just put it at the back of my mind because I thought the bf would always be there. Now she's single the whole game has changed. She's never shown any real signs of affection before towards me, but then why would she if she already had a bf? I don't know how she'd react if I told her I liked her in that way, I do think our friendship could withstand it if I told her, but then maybe I'm just being naive.

Reply 9

dh00001

16

hm maybe its worth checking? dont ask out right though.
test the waters a little. abit of gentle flirting. somehow make a joke of the two of you being together.
if she reacts well; huray, think about the best thing to do next :wink:

if she reacts badly; well im afraid you need to settle for having a really good friend

Reply 10

Segat1

16

Honey, the difference here is that the drunk guy made a move on her and you didn't.

Reply 11

SilverWings

14

It all comes down to how hot she is then... :p:

No, seriously, she spent the summer with you - I think you underestimate your friendship and her attraction to you. ;yes;

Reply 12

username68316

3

Schokis

Don't get upset about her and that other guy. She was in all probability just on the rebound. It's a good thing she didn't have her mobile with her so that you didn't send her any angry (and annoying) messages. She's probably as confused about her situation as you are, if not more so.

For now, have a good think about whether or not she has actually ever shown any signs at all that she may fancy you. If you can't think of any it's probs best to forget about her, in that way.

Look at all the probablies lol.

All I can do is :ditto:

this post. Chances are she was just on the rebound. If she has shown any signs at all she fancies you, then I urge you to go for it. I can only imagine that not asking and never finding out, is much much worse than an outright rejection, since at least you'd have piece of mind.

To pick up on your OP, I think there is a possibility of getting too far into the 'friends' section. But as long as you haven't come out as gay, gone shopping for underwear with her, or anything like that, then I think over time it is possible to move away from the 'just friends' category.

Good luck.

Reply 13

Carl

OP

14

Segat1

Honey, the difference here is that the drunk guy made a move on her and you didn't.

The straight dope :wink:

I didn't because I want her to clear things up with the ex, but as ever, you're right.

Thanks for the advice, and when she comes back on Saturday je vous tenirai au courant. I feel much easier for getting that off my chest, so now I'm off to get some jeans from Paris' amazing shops. I'll be back online tomoro.

Aimless rant regarding my possibly newly single friend

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