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Another one - Convincing my Bengali mother to let me live on campus Watch

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    Hi, hello, anneyong~
    So basically, I'm bengali, Muslim and live with my entire (immediate) family.
    When I attend university, I want to move out and live on campus rather than commute to and from. Now, obviously, my mother is extremely against this. Now when I mean against, I mean like every-time-we-speak-of-such-a-thing-it-turns-into-an-argument every time. I literally have no idea what to do anymore and how to convince her. I'm starting receive offers from unis and I haven't told her cuz I'm too scared of what she will do.
    My school life I've been sat at home either revising, watching anime or eating. I've never really been allowed out with friends and when I was I would do the most stupidest things (like return home at 10pm and get screamed at for doing so). I faced depression in year 9 due to lack of friends and received counseling because of (which I had to hide from my mum cuz when I asked to get counseling she told me "only sick people get counseling"). I also live with my older brother who gets involved when I wish to do things, etc. I have issues with him and his wife. It's sometimes even uncomfortable in my home because of this tension. It's actually funny though, my english literature teacher often comments on how I look dead in her lessons.
    I just want to experience what it's like to be away from my family and not have my mum breathing down my neck.
    I know it sounds super dramatic and **** but this stuff actually happened to me and there is honestly nothing I can do to change it (although I wish I could).
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    Sounds like me last year.

    This might sound a bit long but make up a whole list of reasons why you should move out and say that to them. Also if you have a family member who moved out for university, use them as an example.

    I don't want to be harsh on you but in most of these cases people won't be allowed to move out. How long would it take to commute to your firm choice uni? I didn't move out but I commute to my firm uni and it is quite a journey. It shows how committed I am, if possible you could do so? Also at some point you're gonna have to tell them about your offers. I'd say get a teacher to talk to them about it before you mention you getting offers. Or maybe get the teacher to tell them?

    Anyways whatever happens - good luck. Everything works out for the best. Don't stress about it and don't let these small things get to you. Try to spend most of your time studying outside of the house. Just avoid being at home as much as possible... not to the point where you get in trouble.
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    It's always Asian parents intent on ruining their kids life under the weird guise "just want what's best for you!!!!11!1" smh, such subhumans

    As above said, is gonna be very unlikely you will convince your Mum. She is scared of you moving out because learning independence means you will no longer be spineless and under her thumb, which you are atm but it's understandable at this age. Tbh your Mum sounds unhinged, and I would not risk a possible beating or anything. Are you male of female also? I find for women it's the whole "b..but the scary white folk will corrupt you!!!" rhetoric. You can argue and argue and argue all you like but it is unlikely to do anything, just try argue your case and when she tries to be dismissive about it don't back down. Enough is enough, you'll be 18 and staying at home watching anime in a dark room will cripple your social skills, social skills needed in jobs. Uni is not just "go there get a degree come back guaranteed job" anymore, as you probably know.

    Best of luck and everything, if the above was negative then am afraid I speak from second hand experience, if you're male you have a better chance. If you're female, then condolences
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    when you move out you'll start to miss them trust me
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    (Original post by somemightsay888)
    It's always Asian parents intent on ruining their kids life under the weird guise "just want what's best for you!!!!11!1" smh, such subhumans

    As above said, is gonna be very unlikely you will convince your Mum. She is scared of you moving out because learning independence means you will no longer be spineless and under her thumb, which you are atm but it's understandable at this age. Tbh your Mum sounds unhinged, and I would not risk a possible beating or anything. Are you male of female also? I find for women it's the whole "b..but the scary white folk will corrupt you!!!" rhetoric. You can argue and argue and argue all you like but it is unlikely to do anything, just try argue your case and when she tries to be dismissive about it don't back down. Enough is enough, you'll be 18 and staying at home watching anime in a dark room will cripple your social skills, social skills needed in jobs. Uni is not just "go there get a degree come back guaranteed job" anymore, as you probably know.

    Best of luck and everything, if the above was negative then am afraid I speak from second hand experience, if you're male you have a better chance. If you're female, then condolences
    I read this and laughed so hard omg "you'll be 18 and staying at home watching anime in a dark room will cripple your social skills, social skills needed in jobs." But yes, I am a girl. I do agree with you and I honestly feel like the only way I can do it is if I just get up and leave.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    when you move out you'll start to miss them trust me
    As much as I would love to agree with you, I can't. I honestly believe if I move out, I won't miss my family to the extent where I will want to move back in.
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    (Original post by undercxver)
    Sounds like me last year.

    This might sound a bit long but make up a whole list of reasons why you should move out and say that to them. Also if you have a family member who moved out for university, use them as an example.

    I don't want to be harsh on you but in most of these cases people won't be allowed to move out. How long would it take to commute to your firm choice uni? I didn't move out but I commute to my firm uni and it is quite a journey. It shows how committed I am, if possible you could do so? Also at some point you're gonna have to tell them about your offers. I'd say get a teacher to talk to them about it before you mention you getting offers. Or maybe get the teacher to tell them?

    Anyways whatever happens - good luck. Everything works out for the best. Don't stress about it and don't let these small things get to you. Try to spend most of your time studying outside of the house. Just avoid being at home as much as possible... not to the point where you get in trouble.
    I live around North London and have applied to SOAS, Reading, Birbeck and Hertfordshire. I've received offers from Reading and Birbeck and am awaiting on SOAS and Herts. I do believe the commute for all (disregarding Reading) is easy by tube. As for the offers, it's really Reading I'm a bit worried about (cuz it's outside of London). I'm just scared about it.
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    Keep it very vague, tell her you love her and that you're part of the family no matter what and that it's so important to you, but drop one line like a lot of the girls who go crazy are the ones who rebelled because they were kept in and you know that won't be you.
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    (Original post by Bbuingbbuingbush)
    I read this and laughed so hard omg "you'll be 18 and staying at home watching anime in a dark room will cripple your social skills, social skills needed in jobs." But yes, I am a girl. I do agree with you and I honestly feel like the only way I can do it is if I just get up and leave.
    Hahaha, yeah the weeb stereotype is unfortunately quite substantiated :lol: Ahhh man, you're a girl. Ngl, your chances of this are nil. You're right, the only way you can do this is if you are totally independent and just leave on your own without their "approval". They're worried about you going there and coming back no longer spineless, and tbh you seem like you're on the edge of being free from them.

    If you're confident you can do it, you could just go independently and arrange your own movers too. I mean, if you ran out of money you're probably ****ed like, but if you get a good loan and budget well, there's no doubt you could go on your own.
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    (Original post by somemightsay888)
    Hahaha, yeah the weeb stereotype is unfortunately quite substantiated :lol: Ahhh man, you're a girl. Ngl, your chances of this are nil. You're right, the only way you can do this is if you are totally independent and just leave on your own without their "approval". They're worried about you going there and coming back no longer spineless, and tbh you seem like you're on the edge of being free from them.

    If you're confident you can do it, you could just go independently and arrange your own movers too. I mean, if you ran out of money you're probably ****ed like, but if you get a good loan and budget well, there's no doubt you could go on your own.
    I don't think they want me to remain dependent on them, I just know that my mum is genuinely worried for me. But she worries too much sometimes.
    As for the actual moving, I'm still unsure as to how I can go about doing it. I do have a job and am saving money to aid the process, but idk how I can do it lmao
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    Hi, I am exactly in the same situation as you. Literally. Like, I'm Bangla, Muslim, loves anime and all that crap. Only difference is that I'm male and even though i have suffered from depression due to similar reasons I rode it out and gave counseling the bird. (nothing wrong with counseling). There is an extremely low chance of your mum agreeing to this. You're a Bengali Muslim female, and from what it looks like, our parents have very strong beliefs. Stand up for what you want! They will not understand so you have to decide for yourself and ignore whatever the hell they say. I'm starting uni this September, and I'm going in and not looking back. Do what you belive is right! It's the best approach. If you want to go? GO! Don't let them hold you back! Don't be that caged bird!
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    OP, just go to a uni 150-200 miles from your house. Reject all other offers. They have no choice then.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    when you move out you'll start to miss them trust me
    God I really hope he/she does not go on to ''miss'' their passive abusive family; that'd be a whole new level of :innocent::innocent::innocent::innocent:ed up.

    Anyways to the threadstarter: Move out. It will be far from easy but your mom's need to control and suffocate you will win every single time, and common sense wont be a factor in decisionmaking.

    The friction and stress could very well push you into horrible mental health problems and you do NOT want that, come what may.

    And bdw, nobody is going to save you for you, so make a decision and step up already. Im sorry if it sounds harsh, but it is what it is.

    Amen.
 
 
 
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