My guy friends keep reading signals that aren't there.

This sounds like a very self-centred problem to have, and I can't speak to my friends because it would sound very vain, but it bothers me a lot.
The thing is, my male friends keep falling for me.
It has happened with every close male friend I've had over the past few years. Each time they ask me out, I say no because I don't like them in that way, and it changes our relationship. In fact, only one relationship has recovered from it.
I know it sounds like I must be flirting and leading them on, because that is not the case. I just act myself around them. It's not like I dress up or try to impress them. I'm never flirty or suggestive towards them, and as we get closer, and I feel like I've made a really good friend, they tell me they like me and everything gets awkward.

Opinions?
Any insight or advice would be much appreciated.

Reply 1

drac

4

i ahve a freind liek you, i did the same thing. she was amazingly pretty and when i finally plucked the courage just to talk to her, i found out she was an amazing person as well.
some people do fall for there freidns.. but when i was told i had no chnace it didnt stop the friendship, i love her to bits and its all good.
acting yourself might be a little bit flirty or w.e, but i woudlnt say stop because then your not being you.
if they stop being your freind because of it then you know they were after only one thing, if there still your freind but its a little bit awkward then just give it time.

Reply 2

Anannya

8

Yeah that has happened to me a couple of times and I was left wondering too. I think what happens is that (and I can only speak for myself) is that they tend to misunderstand normal friendship and sharing of feelings as something deeper. Obviously when you are friends with someone you act who you really are opposed to someone you might to be attracted to in which case you might be more interested to appear attractive than just be yourself and some guys tend to fall for that. I can sense when a guy might be into me because their behaviour changes so if you can see any such signals try to make him understand before hand that you don't have feelings of such for him . Things can get awkward and in some cases personally it did, and I felt terrible for that but there really is nothing you can do here except perhaps try and hook your friend up with someone else :p:

.

Reply 3

Metropolis

16

keep doing it and one day one of the guys that falls for you will be someone you actually like, and problem solved

Reply 4

DodgyTrousers

7

It's not your fault, and I doubt there's much you can do short of saying "SO I LIKE YOU ONLY AS A FRIEND" every 5 mins :smile:

It even happens to me, and I'm a bloke. People read what they want to into interactions. I might be a bit flirty, but anyone who's known me for longer than a couple of days would know this anyway. I never lead people on, but they still get the wrong idea. Honestly, it's just going to happen and the best you can do is try to prevent it by telling the occasional story about how annoying it was when previous friend XX did it.

Hey look on the bright side, you've obviously got a lot going for you if it keeps happening.

Reply 5

Anannya

8

Yeah but I have to admit that at times you can be left wondering and feel your responsible for this. Its difficult to convince yourself its a good thing when its your friend in such a situation.

Reply 6

DodgyTrousers

7

Anannya

Yeah but I have to admit that at times you can be left wondering and feel your responsible for this. Its difficult to convince yourself its a good thing when its your friend in such a situation.

I hear that yeah, but what else can you do? They're getting that impression because you're acting friendly, which is what you do to friends :biggrin:

I don't think a lot of men get that women are generally more touchy feely with their girl mates than men are. Men won't cuddle if one is upset, girls will. Sometimes you can get put in that bracket even if you are the wrong sex, and men misread it.

I think it's the constant tonguedowns that give my friends the wrong impression :confused:

Seriously though, worst I've done is try to teach someone to do a backflip, and that ended up all wrong too. You can't win really.

Reply 7

Dude

14

DodgyTrousers

I hear that yeah, but what else can you do? They're getting that impression because you're acting friendly, which is what you do to friends :biggrin:

I don't think a lot of men get that women are generally more touchy feely with their girl mates than men are. Men won't cuddle if one is upset, girls will. Sometimes you can get put in that bracket even if you are the wrong sex, and men misread it.

I think it's the constant tonguedowns that give my friends the wrong impression :confused:

Seriously though, worst I've done is try to teach someone to do a backflip, and that ended up all wrong too. You can't win really.

Nope you can't, no matter what you say or do, someone may take it that you mean something else alltogether.

To the OP, you'll just have to bear it really, nothing much you can do about it. Who knows, one of these days you will have feelings about one of your male friends.

You have to laugh at this thread. H&R gets so many threads on how people are in love with this friend of theirs and what should they do about it (the most often reply being tell them), and here we have one where too many of their friends keep telling them that they are in love with her.

Reply 8

Dream_Catcher

1

I get along with males much more than females, therefore have a close males friends. I've been told numberous times that they love me etc, I just take it as a complement and explain that they are my friends. The arkwardness shortly goes.

Reply 9

pinkchampers

5

Rachel Revenge

This sounds like a very self-centred problem to have, and I can't speak to my friends because it would sound very vain, but it bothers me a lot.
The thing is, my male friends keep falling for me.
It has happened with every close male friend I've had over the past few years. Each time they ask me out, I say no because I don't like them in that way, and it changes our relationship. In fact, only one relationship has recovered from it.
I know it sounds like I must be flirting and leading them on, because that is not the case. I just act myself around them. It's not like I dress up or try to impress them. I'm never flirty or suggestive towards them, and as we get closer, and I feel like I've made a really good friend, they tell me they like me and everything gets awkward.

Opinions?
Any insight or advice would be much appreciated.

that used to happen to me quite a lot, I think my problem was that i was too gentle with them, in that i didnt want to hurt thier feelings or seem like a bitch or be vain, or even lie.

Now i am very firm with them and it seems to work.

Reply 10

Tufts

17

This is entirely frustrating. And one cannot help but feel a level of guilt when it happens - even though you have done nothing wrong! As the man usally lets you know how much your rejection is hurting him. Alas, you cannot 'force' yourself to fancy someone.

Reply 11

cutandpasteandtwisty

11

Rachel Revenge

This sounds like a very self-centred problem to have, and I can't speak to my friends because it would sound very vain, but it bothers me a lot.
The thing is, my male friends keep falling for me.
It has happened with every close male friend I've had over the past few years. Each time they ask me out, I say no because I don't like them in that way, and it changes our relationship. In fact, only one relationship has recovered from it.
I know it sounds like I must be flirting and leading them on, because that is not the case. I just act myself around them. It's not like I dress up or try to impress them. I'm never flirty or suggestive towards them, and as we get closer, and I feel like I've made a really good friend, they tell me they like me and everything gets awkward.

Opinions?
Any insight or advice would be much appreciated.

This is why good looking girls cannot be close friends with blokes. If you're remotely attractive then we're always going to fancy you. Having male friends is possible, but being very close, 'best' friends with lads just can't work imo.

Reply 12

JadedHippy

11

cutandpasteandtwisty

This is why good looking girls cannot be close friends with blokes. If you're remotely attractive then we're always going to fancy you. Having male friends is possible, but being very close, 'best' friends with lads just can't work imo.

So bisexual people can never be close friends to good looking people? (The logical conclusion of what you have said :p:

)

Jaded

Reply 13

Tufts

17

cutandpasteandtwisty

This is why good looking girls cannot be close friends with blokes. If you're remotely attractive then we're always going to fancy you. Having male friends is possible, but being very close, 'best' friends with lads just can't work imo.

Recently I have been inclined to agree.

However what if they are gay? I have heard that gay men and strait women can be awesome best friends.

Reply 14

cutandpasteandtwisty

11

Tufts

Recently I have been inclined to agree.

However what if they are gay? I have heard that gay men and strait women can be awesome best friends.

Yeah I guess that would work, since gay men aren't going to fancy the girl are they? :smile:

Reply 15

cutandpasteandtwisty

11

JadedHippy

So bisexual people can never be close friends to good looking people? (The logical conclusion of what you have said :p:

)

Jaded

I wouldn't be able to speak on behalf of bisexual people since I don't know any and I'm not one. Sorry :smile:

Reply 16

][ceman

8

I've learnt from experience straight men and women can't really be friends. At some point one normally falls for the other. Or one gets themselves a proper girlfriend/boyfriend and their mate feels rejected.

Reply 17

asdasta

15

The only way I can see an attractive girl and male mates having friendship (if they're both hetero) is if the guy is able to still speak with her after being rejected. Happened to me - I confessed my feelings, got shot down, felt like crap for a few months, but still spoke with her a lot as she did feel that she led me on. A few months later now I feel better about it, not entirely over it but close enough.

So yeah, even if it can survive a rejection, things may change a bit.

My guy friends keep reading signals that aren't there.

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