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    There is a guy who has tried to get me into bed/to be FWB for pretty much one year now. It happened a few times in the first couple of months of knowing each other, but then I developed feelings and wanted things to go further whereas he didn't. It's been the same since I've known him, but the pattern is always the same, we'll stop talking for a little, then we'll start again, and then he will flirt with me and pay me compliments about my body; nice boobs, nice ass etc. and then he'll try to get sexual and talk dirty, then I'll just end up getting a bit upset knowing he's interested in nothing more than sex, then he'll apologise and stop, and then 2 months later it begins again.

    He lives abroad now so we haven't even seen each other for months. I know I need to stop talking to him for good; he claims he wants a relationship with nobody, but I just don't want to be there for his entertainment just until something better comes along. I really like him a lot and I want to be more than FWB. He's told me several times that I'm just a good friend and that he doesn't have feelings, just that he 'fancies me', so I don't know why he keeps trying to get sex out of me; I'm sure he could find someone over there to sleep with...
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    You answered your own question, he wants to have sex with you but not a relationship, he finds you attractive -> tries to have sex with you -> you get upset and say no -> repeat .
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    Cut contact with him.
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    (Original post by Noara)
    Honestly, take this as a red flag and run for the hills. He will do absolutely anything that he can to get you in bed and once that is done, he'll lose all interest in you. My best bet is that he is attracted to you and the fact that you keep on turning him down makes him look at you as a challenge and once he has accomplished this 'challenge', he will lose interest in you and find someone else. I'm not sure if you guys have an emotional connection or not (perhaps not by the way you have described?) but there is a physical attraction for sure.

    I'd say that you just let him know clearly that you don't want to be 'friends with benefits' (that is if you don't want to ) with him and if he still stays then perhaps it's worth talking to him and letting the whole emotional bond develop slowly? Honestly, situations like these are extremely tricky as everyone behaves/ reacts in quite different ways so just do what feels right to YOU. But do ponder the benefits and consequences of whatever action you take.

    Thanks for the reply.. you're right yes. I have had feelings for him for a long time; I really wish I didn't, I've tried to get over him but I haven't met anyone else nice who is interested in a relationship sadly.

    We used to speak every day and he said I was really nice, funny etc. and that I was really cool and interesting to talk to but that he 'didn't feel an emotional connection', and he openly admitted he was interested in sex with me but not more.

    The thing is, being FWB wouldn't bother me if it was just between me and him but I'm scared of getting hurt later on. He says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone (and claims he hasn't been able to develop feelings for anyone since he broke up with his ex 2 years ago) and claims he has 'rejected' girls where he is now. I just don't want him to turn round one day and tell me he has a girlfriend; it will just leaveme feeling completely used.

    I don't know why he always comes to me looking for sex. Probably as it's happened a few times and he thinks he can get it easily...
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    He says it takes a long time for him to develop feelings, but we've been talking for one year. However, when he was living near we didn't really see each other much (less than 10 times all in all) and so in a way I guess it's normal that he wouldn't have developed feelings; we didn't see each other enough.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a guy who has tried to get me into bed/to be FWB for pretty much one year now. It happened a few times in the first couple of months of knowing each other, but then I developed feelings and wanted things to go further whereas he didn't. It's been the same since I've known him, but the pattern is always the same, we'll stop talking for a little, then we'll start again, and then he will flirt with me and pay me compliments about my body; nice boobs, nice ass etc. and then he'll try to get sexual and talk dirty, then I'll just end up getting a bit upset knowing he's interested in nothing more than sex, then he'll apologise and stop, and then 2 months later it begins again.

    He lives abroad now so we haven't even seen each other for months. I know I need to stop talking to him for good; he claims he wants a relationship with nobody, but I just don't want to be there for his entertainment just until something better comes along. I really like him a lot and I want to be more than FWB. He's told me several times that I'm just a good friend and that he doesn't have feelings, just that he 'fancies me', so I don't know why he keeps trying to get sex out of me; I'm sure he could find someone over there to sleep with...
    You answer your own question, but refuse to face up to the reality or do anything about it.

    He has had it before and he wants sex. That is all he wants. He will lie to get it.
    He believes if you are foolish enough to keep on talking to him, then he gets to practice, whilst he is bored and you might give in one day.

    You let this carry on because you havent cut contact. You arent going to be anything more than fwb. Face up to it or carry on as you are. Strange you cannot accept this. Its delusional.
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    Omg believe it or not I'm in the same situation with him. Only difference is I have to see him everyday at uni. It's so hard when you want more but he wants nothing more than jus physical. I just keep reminding myself I don't want something casual. I want something more serious, long term and someone who values the realationship. Maybe find something else to focus on or pick up a new hobby to distract you from him, also next time he tries to talk to don't speak to as you said you end up on the same situation as before. Unless you want why not jus forget about him and look forward to someone better for you.
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    Ditch him-people like that genuinely don't know the meaning of 'no'.
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    (Original post by Noara)
    I know the feeling. If he has said that he hasn't been able to develop feelings for anyone after breaking up with his ex then he probably hasn't moved on and he is trying to distract himself in attempts to forget his ex. A lot of people do that. Most people are even open to the idea of a relationship (unlike him who just wants sex) in order to help them get through a very intense breakup but they know too damn well that they don't actually 'want' to be with this new person but rather are just attempting to get attached/ fall in love just so that they can forget about the past. Either this could be the case or that he has just been hurt so badly in the past that now that he has moved on, he doesn't want to get tangled in all of this 'relationship' mess again. Either ways, he probably does find you attractive but he is not willing to cross the line that he has drawn. Being FWB with him could end up in profoundly 2 different ways. Either over time, the lust will turn to love and he might be ready for a relationship or someone else will come along and he will end everything that he had with you regardless of how big or small it was (mind it, that someone could even be his 'ex'. It's a small world and people do collide into each other and sometimes, these unexpected and unpredictable meetings change everything).

    He doesn't come to you because he thinks you're easy to get but quite the opposite actually. Regardless of what it is, you know him better than anyone here on TSR and you should use that to determine what to do next.

    Yeah, he told me a few months ago that he was still in love with his ex (after 2 years). He said that he'd attached himself too much to her and that since then he hadn't had feelings for anybody else, and he wasn't able to get attached to anyone else. I would be ok with FWB but I'm just scared of getting hurt.. I don't want to do that and then for him to turn round and tell me he's met someone else.

    I suppose I just need to accept that this behaviour is never going to change.. I cannot force him to want anything more with me. I'm not even going to see him until the summer, so I don't know why he's sending me these sorts of messages still.
    He told me that he fancies me and I have everything to please etc. but that I'm 'too quiet' for him and we have 'different visions'.. I know that I need to cut off contact but he has also been a really good friend and can be really nice, and I find it hard to stop talking to him completely.

    I don't think he'll try anything again though, because I ended up having a go at him last time. He was really apologetic, said he didn't realise it had hurt me, and wouldn't ever do it again, so we'll see...
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    (Original post by Amina190)
    Omg believe it or not I'm in the same situation with him. Only difference is I have to see him everyday at uni. It's so hard when you want more but he wants nothing more than jus physical. I just keep reminding myself I don't want something casual. I want something more serious, long term and someone who values the realationship. Maybe find something else to focus on or pick up a new hobby to distract you from him, also next time he tries to talk to don't speak to as you said you end up on the same situation as before. Unless you want why not jus forget about him and look forward to someone better for you.
    Oh no, that must be so hard having to see him every day. Why doesn't he want anything more? Yeah, that's where I get hurt with this guy. If I was someone he didn't know very well ok, but we've known each other for 1 year, we talk (or we talked) almost every day, we've been there for each other etc. but he will never consider me as more than a **** buddy.

    You're right.. I've tried for months to move on but unfortunately I've only met guys who just want sex... it seems impossible to find anyone who wants anything more serious. Hope it works out for you and the guy anyway and that you're able to move on
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, he told me a few months ago that he was still in love with his ex (after 2 years). He said that he'd attached himself too much to her and that since then he hadn't had feelings for anybody else, and he wasn't able to get attached to anyone else. I would be ok with FWB but I'm just scared of getting hurt.. I don't want to do that and then for him to turn round and tell me he's met someone else.

    I suppose I just need to accept that this behaviour is never going to change.. I cannot force him to want anything more with me. I'm not even going to see him until the summer, so I don't know why he's sending me these sorts of messages still.
    He told me that he fancies me and I have everything to please etc. but that I'm 'too quiet' for him and we have 'different visions'.. I know that I need to cut off contact but he has also been a really good friend and can be really nice, and I find it hard to stop talking to him completely.

    I don't think he'll try anything again though, because I ended up having a go at him last time. He was really apologetic, said he didn't realise it had hurt me, and wouldn't ever do it again, so we'll see...

    Ive already explained why, but you dont seem able to accept how people actually behave. It makes perfect sense but you wont face up to it. You are just going to have to learn from experience. You make it soemthing it is not, when it is very obvious. Dont make excuses for other people or delude yourself, but identify things for what they are. It will save you a lot of grief in the future. He understands you are quite vulnerable and he uses that. many people are not nice and your task is to screen those out.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Ive already explained why, but you dont seem able to accept how people actually behave. It makes perfect sense but you wont face up to it. You are just going to have to learn from experience. You make it soemthing it is not, when it is very obvious. Dont make excuses for other people or delude yourself, but identify things for what they are. It will save you a lot of grief in the future. He understands you are quite vulnerable and he uses that. many people are not nice and your task is to screen those out.
    Yeah, you are right. I think I'm just trying to make excuses because I want to believe that he's a really lovely guy who is just misunderstood/trying to move on from his ex, and that when he's ready he may want something more with me, but I'm deluding myself yeah..
    I need to work on cutting him out for good, I know. Thanks
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I haven't met anyone else nice who is interested in a relationship sadly.
    I'm interested in a relationship :sexface:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, you are right. I think I'm just trying to make excuses because I want to believe that he's a really lovely guy who is just misunderstood/trying to move on from his ex, and that when he's ready he may want something more with me, but I'm deluding myself yeah..
    I need to work on cutting him out for good, I know. Thanks
    You are fantasising becayse you wnat to pretend he has potential and you wish he was soemthing he is not.

    Imo he spots you as vulnerable and gullible. Its a power thing for him. he gets to talk dirty to you or try and sleep with you and if he does then he wins. Nowehere do you play any part in his calculation except to get to sleep with you and amuse him.

    You make excuses and overlooking things. You are liable to be manipulated.
    Have feelings for someone who is worth having them about.

    STOP TALKING TO HIM CUT ALL CONTACT.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You are fantasising becayse you wnat to pretend he has potential and you wish he was soemthing he is not.

    Imo he spots you as vulnerable and gullible. Its a power thing for him. he gets to talk dirty to you or try and sleep with you and if he does then he wins. Nowehere do you play any part in his calculation except to get to sleep with you and amuse him.

    You make excuses and overlooking things. You are liable to be manipulated.
    Have feelings for someone who is worth having them about.

    STOP TALKING TO HIM CUT ALL CONTACT.
    definitely need to do this.

    I used to fantasise that my ex would stop being a manipulative liar as well but that never changed lmao.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh no, that must be so hard having to see him every day. Why doesn't he want anything more? Yeah, that's where I get hurt with this guy. If I was someone he didn't know very well ok, but we've known each other for 1 year, we talk (or we talked) almost every day, we've been there for each other etc. but he will never consider me as more than a **** buddy.

    You're right.. I've tried for months to move on but unfortunately I've only met guys who just want sex... it seems impossible to find anyone who wants anything more serious. Hope it works out for you and the guy anyway and that you're able to move on
    Hey, yeah it's hard but I've got some good friends around me who keep me away from him and keep reminding me that he doesn't want a relationship. I don't actually know why he doesn't want one, every time I bring it up we end up arguing and his replies are just "it's complicated," which I'm tired of hearing tbh. It's hard, I guess for some reason they just don't want a relationship. Maybe they're scared of commitment or don't wanna lose their freedom.
    Maybe stop looking for guys or relationships and hopefully the right one may come along since all your getting are guys that want sex. And it seems impossible to you but it isn't impossible. Hang in there Hun am sure someone better will come along for you.xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There is a guy who has tried to get me into bed/to be FWB for pretty much one year now. It happened a few times in the first couple of months of knowing each other, but then I developed feelings and wanted things to go further whereas he didn't. It's been the same since I've known him, but the pattern is always the same, we'll stop talking for a little, then we'll start again, and then he will flirt with me and pay me compliments about my body; nice boobs, nice ass etc. and then he'll try to get sexual and talk dirty, then I'll just end up getting a bit upset knowing he's interested in nothing more than sex, then he'll apologise and stop, and then 2 months later it begins again.

    He lives abroad now so we haven't even seen each other for months. I know I need to stop talking to him for good; he claims he wants a relationship with nobody, but I just don't want to be there for his entertainment just until something better comes along. I really like him a lot and I want to be more than FWB. He's told me several times that I'm just a good friend and that he doesn't have feelings, just that he 'fancies me', so I don't know why he keeps trying to get sex out of me; I'm sure he could find someone over there to sleep with...
    He keeps trying because you are still contact with him unless you stop talking or replying to him he is going to keep asking, simples.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You are fantasising becayse you wnat to pretend he has potential and you wish he was soemthing he is not.

    Imo he spots you as vulnerable and gullible. Its a power thing for him. he gets to talk dirty to you or try and sleep with you and if he does then he wins. Nowehere do you play any part in his calculation except to get to sleep with you and amuse him.

    You make excuses and overlooking things. You are liable to be manipulated.
    Have feelings for someone who is worth having them about.

    STOP TALKING TO HIM CUT ALL CONTACT.
    You give good advice which is brutally honest. Helped me get out of a very similar situation, and now I'm much happier.

    @OP you have to just grit your teeth and calmly tell him that you want him out of your life for good. It will be excruciating at the start. Cry all you want afterwards and treat yourself to some nice things. But soon afterwards you will realise how free you are, and how much being involved with him hurt and drained you. It took me less than a week, hopefully it will be the same for you.

    Also, don't try to punish him and make him feel bad for for what he did to you. Focus on yourself alone.
 
 
 
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