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    Before I write this post let me just clarify that I'm 18, no longer in my stereotypical hormonal, crazy, mood-swingy, parent-hating phase. Although admittedly, I did go through that stage.

    I've noticed that every day my mum always says something to put a downer on my entire day. Sometimes, when I'm having a really good day, I'll come home and sit watching TV - waiting for her to get home. But when she gets home she'll say some snide remark about how lazy I am or something, or she'll get angry at my dad for not cooking her food by the time she gets home (he gets in at 5:45, she gets in at 6:00 and gives him really long meals to cook). It ruins my day.

    I'll also sometimes have something I want to talk to her about, for example opening a student bank account or my recent GP diagnosis. Bear in mind that these are really important issues to me. She'll just shoot me down, whatever I say. It's always really passive aggressive stuff and ultimately it just makes me feel like utter sht. She does it to my dad as well which upsets me because he doesn't do anything wrong.

    I thought maybe she wasn't enjoying her job and was taking it out on us, but she's got a new job now and she's still the same. It's putting pressure on me because I really feel like I need to just get out and go to uni, but then I'm even more worried about missing my offer... and I'm also worried about whether my dad will be okay when I go

    I don't know what to do, I feel so trapped
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    What is the gravity of the comments she makes? This will determine wherever it's targeted or just general household comments and clashes.

    If she's constantly putting you down everyday, like saying you're a failure, your stupid etc calling your names - then that's targeting.
    If she's just moaning about housework not being done or stressed at work you could just try to talk to her about it to see what is getting her down.

    People get stressed and they deflect it on family. I'd be angry too after a long days work and stuff had not been done. Try not to get to hyped up about it, then you're basically waiting on comments to feed on. Try to get to the bottom of it rather than just collecting the various times she's kicked off.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I write this post let me just clarify that I'm 18, no longer in my stereotypical hormonal, crazy, mood-swingy, parent-hating phase. Although admittedly, I did go through that stage.

    I've noticed that every day my mum always says something to put a downer on my entire day. Sometimes, when I'm having a really good day, I'll come home and sit watching TV - waiting for her to get home. But when she gets home she'll say some snide remark about how lazy I am or something, or she'll get angry at my dad for not cooking her food by the time she gets home (he gets in at 5:45, she gets in at 6:00 and gives him really long meals to cook). It ruins my day.

    I'll also sometimes have something I want to talk to her about, for example opening a student bank account or my recent GP diagnosis. Bear in mind that these are really important issues to me. She'll just shoot me down, whatever I say. It's always really passive aggressive stuff and ultimately it just makes me feel like utter sht. She does it to my dad as well which upsets me because he doesn't do anything wrong.

    I thought maybe she wasn't enjoying her job and was taking it out on us, but she's got a new job now and she's still the same. It's putting pressure on me because I really feel like I need to just get out and go to uni, but then I'm even more worried about missing my offer... and I'm also worried about whether my dad will be okay when I go

    I don't know what to do, I feel so trapped
    I dont have a great relationship with my mum due to her serious mental health issues, so i can sympathise to some extent.

    from your post, in my opinion, id suggest a few things.

    you say she comes home and says youre lazy, maybe you could try approaching her and asking if there is anything you can do around the house (if you dont already?) to help out, from my point of view, if ive been working loads and im stressed and tired, and i come home and my mum has been lying on the sofa all day, and hasnt done any housework, this means i have even more stuff to do when i get home from work. usually when people come home from work theyre tired and hungry, and just wanna eat and chill. so try to put yourself in your mum's shoes, or see it from her point of view, it would maybe help to sit down and talk to her about it.

    i think it might help for yous to talk because she might have worries or stresses that you arent aware of, she might not openly talk about it cos she wants to protect you (she might seem fine with her job but deep down she might not be, she isnt exactly going to say "i hate my job i want to quit but i cant because i have a family to support"). or maybe you guys dont have that sort of relationship where yous talk about stuff, this is fine, you can try to create that bond with her over time. itll take work and effort sure, but if you want it then you have to try.

    also if those issues are important to you, your bank account stuff, why dont you talk to your dad about them instead? i have a close relationship with my dad and go to him about almost everything, i dont go to my mum about anything at all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I write this post let me just clarify that I'm 18, no longer in my stereotypical hormonal, crazy, mood-swingy, parent-hating phase. Although admittedly, I did go through that stage. I've noticed that every day my mum always says something to put a downer on my entire day. Sometimes, when I'm having a really good day, I'll come home and sit watching TV - waiting for her to get home. But when she gets home she'll say some snide remark about how lazy I am or something, or she'll get angry at my dad for not cooking her food by the time she gets home (he gets in at 5:45, she gets in at 6:00 and gives him really long meals to cook). It ruins my day. I'll also sometimes have something I want to talk to her about, for example opening a student bank account or my recent GP diagnosis. Bear in mind that these are really important issues to me. She'll just shoot me down, whatever I say. It's always really passive aggressive stuff and ultimately it just makes me feel like utter sht. She does it to my dad as well which upsets me because he doesn't do anything wrong. I thought maybe she wasn't enjoying her job and was taking it out on us, but she's got a new job now and she's still the same. It's putting pressure on me because I really feel like I need to just get out and go to uni, but then I'm even more worried about missing my offer... and I'm also worried about whether my dad will be okay when I go I don't know what to do, I feel so trapped
    Oh dear...

    You admit, to your credit, that you went through the stereotypical Teenage Girl Who Hates Her Mother phase. Do you think that might have someone damaged your relationship with her, and that there are some fences to be mended? Maybe you've both forgotten how to effectively communicate with each other.

    Mums do get a bit of a **** time of it, tbh. I know it might seem that she's just being an unreasonable horrid old cow at times, but she's still a person with feelings and frustrations like you. Maybe she's having a hard time expressing these feelings in a constructive way at the moment.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I write this post let me just clarify that I'm 18, no longer in my stereotypical hormonal, crazy, mood-swingy, parent-hating phase. Although admittedly, I did go through that stage.

    I've noticed that every day my mum always says something to put a downer on my entire day. Sometimes, when I'm having a really good day, I'll come home and sit watching TV - waiting for her to get home. But when she gets home she'll say some snide remark about how lazy I am or something, or she'll get angry at my dad for not cooking her food by the time she gets home (he gets in at 5:45, she gets in at 6:00 and gives him really long meals to cook). It ruins my day.

    I'll also sometimes have something I want to talk to her about, for example opening a student bank account or my recent GP diagnosis. Bear in mind that these are really important issues to me. She'll just shoot me down, whatever I say. It's always really passive aggressive stuff and ultimately it just makes me feel like utter sht. She does it to my dad as well which upsets me because he doesn't do anything wrong.

    I thought maybe she wasn't enjoying her job and was taking it out on us, but she's got a new job now and she's still the same. It's putting pressure on me because I really feel like I need to just get out and go to uni, but then I'm even more worried about missing my offer... and I'm also worried about whether my dad will be okay when I go

    I don't know what to do, I feel so trapped
    Could be any number of reasons. It does sound like you have moved on but your mum still thinks of you as a teenager.

    Children change very rapidly through adolescence and parents very often do not adapt quite as fast which is a recipe for clashes and tension.

    She probably wants you take some pro-active responsibility in pulling your weight by helping her out without needing to be asked. It's horrible coming home from work to find the sink piled with dishes or your bedroom just about to spawn a new species of fungus when you appear to be slumped in a settee having watched daytime TV all day.

    Little gestures will help a lot. Make a cup if tea for her when she gets in, wash up without needing to be asked. Take out the bins, do some ironing! Little things add up. She needs time to relax as well.

    It will also help if you can find something the two of you like doing together where you can spend quality time with her alone as an adult. Perhaps taking her out for a semi-regular coffee morning, or the cinema etc. Just get to know her as a friend. Ask for her advice on things which are not contentious to start out. In other words find out who she is as an adult and she can find out who you are too.

    You may find she is worried about you going to uni', the costs and you leaving home. She is probably having difficulty adapting more than you think.

    Cut her some slack and start taking a bit of the chores from her shoulders.
 
 
 
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