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In a terrible mess at the moment and not sure what to do/where to turn Watch

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    Hi,

    I'll try to keep this brief and to the point. I'm a mature student in my first year. I've had depression, anxiety and eating disorders for many years which have seriously affected every part of my life. More recently I was also diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

    Despite a few nasty bouts of illness, a close relative being diagnosed with a terminal illness and the break up of a long- term relationship, I somehow made it through my first term. I was badly let down by the Uni's support services who had promised a great deal of support but which sadly never really materialised.. I have chased this up when I felt least able to.

    Now I have returned after a very stressful and emotional Christmas break (during which I was also very ill with a chest infection), straight into exams and pending assignments. My relative died a few days ago and quite honestly, since then I've slightly "lost it".

    It's like all the repressed stress, anxiety and turmoil of recent months have all just erupted and as well as being an emotional wreck with the grief, I have been been on "self-destruct" and have rapidly spiralled into a very depressed state. I am consumed with self-loathing and feel trapped in this relentless cycle of battling so damn hard, only to fall flat on my face again when the depression and eating disorder gets the better of me. I am so ashamed that yet again I've made a bad situation much worse.

    I really don't know where to go from here. I'm going to have to take some time off Uni which will make me even more anxious about getting behind but at the same time I can't concentrate and haven't got any motivation at the moment anyway. I've already had to submit NECs because the funeral is on the same day as some of my exams.
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    So very sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I'm also a mature student and have just been signed off by my GP due to chronic depression.one of my daughters had a miscarriage over Christmas and I'm getting behind too.
    My university provides me with the best support - I think that is the key to the whole scenario. I have a large family of 7 children and they are supportive, but your university should be there just for you.
    I have extensions for work not done which has helped a bit.
    Can you suspend your studies until your personal situation improves? I don't know much about how that works but there are a lot more here who are more knowledgeable than I am about these things.
    You need to look after yourself and not be so hard on yourself. Are you signed up with your Disability services at your uni? That's where I get my support and they can help you with all this and so should your personal tutor.
    I hope someone comes along who can advise you but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Take care. X
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    (Original post by Seamus123)
    So very sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I'm also a mature student and have just been signed off by my GP due to chronic depression.one of my daughters had a miscarriage over Christmas and I'm getting behind too.
    My university provides me with the best support - I think that is the key to the whole scenario. I have a large family of 7 children and they are supportive, but your university should be there just for you.
    I have extensions for work not done which has helped a bit.
    Can you suspend your studies until your personal situation improves? I don't know much about how that works but there are a lot more here who are more knowledgeable than I am about these things.
    You need to look after yourself and not be so hard on yourself. Are you signed up with your Disability services at your uni? That's where I get my support and they can help you with all this and so should your personal tutor.
    I hope someone comes along who can advise you but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Take care. X
    Ah Seamus, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's miscarriage, and at that time of year too. Hope you're well.
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    OP, you need to look after your mental and physical health and this should be your priority.
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    (Original post by markova21)
    OP, you need to look after your mental and physical health and this should be your priority.
    In theory, I totally agree with you but one of the things that's really impacting upon my mental health is that I don't know what the hell to do about Uni. For example, am I now trapped financially in terms of this academic year?- Am I expected to see this year through no matter what state I'm in? Does anyone have any idea what my options are please? What would any of you do?
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    Hi there, I hope you are okay. I am also a mature student, I'm starting a Nursing Degree in March. I also have CFS, Fibromyalgia and have a had a life of illness, I did a Business Studies degree in 2006 to 2010 and contracted Bacterial meningitis in my first year, appendicitis in my second and had a miscarriage in my third.

    I understand completely how you feel, as I felt very depressed, helpless and like a complete failure when I was first diagnosed. It turned out I'd had my CFS for roughly 20 years due to a serious bout of Glandular Fever contracted at 14. I don't want to patronise you in anyway by saying try not to let it get you down, because I know it only too well how badly it affects you physically and emotionally. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and if you want to talk, I'm here and can certainly relate.
    I do hope you start to feel healthier and happier asap and I completely sympathise, have you been referred to the CFS clinic yet and if so what was the outcome? Are you taking any pain meds, anti depressant etc?




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    (Original post by cold tootsies)
    In theory, I totally agree with you but one of the things that's really impacting upon my mental health is that I don't know what the hell to do about Uni. For example, am I now trapped financially in terms of this academic year?- Am I expected to see this year through no matter what state I'm in? Does anyone have any idea what my options are please? What would any of you do?
    OK. I think your first priority is to make an appointment to see your GP. Tell him everything. Even if he doesn't offer you any short term medication, the fact you will have been to see him and there will be evidence of this can't do any harm. Then see someone at Uni. Basically, tell them everything you've told your GP; remembering to tell them you've seen your doctor about it too. Then you will have THAT as evidence as well. What I mean is people will realise you have a genuine problem at the moment and there are extenuating circumstances why you feel this way. TBH, I think unless you feel your situation is going to dramatically improve within a month then in my opinion it might be best to give up your studies . Just for now. It must happen to people all the time. If you think how many universities there are in the UK, and how many students there are in each uni. That amounts to a sizeable number. They will be well used to hearing this. You won't be the first or the last. Speak to your parents too. I think it's important you let them know what's going on with you and you don't try and hide it from them. Good luck.
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    Also my university were useless when I had meningitis, I was in hospital for ages and it was the week before my first year exams, they didn't reply to a single phone all or email from family and I ended up failing and getting behind massively, eventually they (Nottingham Trent University) kicked me out so I transferred to Derby who were absolutely brilliant.


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    (Original post by cold tootsies)
    In theory, I totally agree with you but one of the things that's really impacting upon my mental health is that I don't know what the hell to do about Uni. For example, am I now trapped financially in terms of this academic year?- Am I expected to see this year through no matter what state I'm in? Does anyone have any idea what my options are please? What would any of you do?
    There should be the option to defer your year. I wasn't told about this until I started my second year and was already way behind. Everybody is entitled to an extra years tuition fee help. How supportive is your g.p. They should be able to give you a solid enough letter to ensure the university grant this. This could give you a year to get yourself emotionally and physically in a better place. You can also ask for extension due to extenuating circumstances, Derby were brilliant with this, I was given 2-3 months extensions to catch up on assignments and the marks were capped either. Unfortunately uni's can be crap dealing with their students so you need to make them listen.


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    (Original post by Seamus123)
    So very sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I'm also a mature student and have just been signed off by my GP due to chronic depression.one of my daughters had a miscarriage over Christmas and I'm getting behind too.
    My university provides me with the best support - I think that is the key to the whole scenario. I have a large family of 7 children and they are supportive, but your university should be there just for you.
    I have extensions for work not done which has helped a bit.
    Can you suspend your studies until your personal situation improves? I don't know much about how that works but there are a lot more here who are more knowledgeable than I am about these things.
    You need to look after yourself and not be so hard on yourself. Are you signed up with your Disability services at your uni? That's where I get my support and they can help you with all this and so should your personal tutor.
    I hope someone comes along who can advise you but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Take care. X
    Thank you so much Seamus x.
    I am very sorry to hear that you're struggling and deeply sorry for your daughter's (and the rest of the family's) loss.

    Yes, I was signed up with the disability team from the outset and have been in regular contact with my personal tutor.
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    Stupid question alert: how do I go about messaging any of you? -sorry since worked it out, I think!
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    (Original post by cold tootsies)
    Hi,

    I'll try to keep this brief and to the point. I'm a mature student in my first year. I've had depression, anxiety and eating disorders for many years which have seriously affected every part of my life. More recently I was also diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

    Despite a few nasty bouts of illness, a close relative being diagnosed with a terminal illness and the break up of a long- term relationship, I somehow made it through my first term. I was badly let down by the Uni's support services who had promised a great deal of support but which sadly never really materialised.. I have chased this up when I felt least able to.

    Now I have returned after a very stressful and emotional Christmas break (during which I was also very ill with a chest infection), straight into exams and pending assignments. My relative died a few days ago and quite honestly, since then I've slightly "lost it".

    It's like all the repressed stress, anxiety and turmoil of recent months have all just erupted and as well as being an emotional wreck with the grief, I have been been on "self-destruct" and have rapidly spiralled into a very depressed state. I am consumed with self-loathing and feel trapped in this relentless cycle of battling so damn hard, only to fall flat on my face again when the depression and eating disorder gets the better of me. I am so ashamed that yet again I've made a bad situation much worse.

    I really don't know where to go from here. I'm going to have to take some time off Uni which will make me even more anxious about getting behind but at the same time I can't concentrate and haven't got any motivation at the moment anyway. I've already had to submit NECs because the funeral is on the same day as some of my exams.
    How mature? What decade? Are you studying for a profession or just to get a degree or complete your education?

    Youve probably heard it all before, but copy your OP out or soemthing similar and then you need to see.


    1, Your tutor to explain the difficulties you are having- they already know for he ec, but I think this is serious.
    2. Advisor at the SU.
    3. Support services- if you use email then cc your tutor/ department in.
    4. Your GP.

    I'm not sure what support services can do for you. If the issue is you are suffering from depression, triggered by the bereavement, which in turn has triggered the eating disorder and a destructive phase, then that sounds a bit like meltdown. It is more important to deal with this than Uni and imo it doesnt sound like you cna recover and get it under control with just a few weeks off.

    If it were me I would just suspend my studies and get myself stable again. The second and third years are going to be more stressful and you need to be in the right frame of mind. Its not really going to affect you academically until you start taking exams. If the support isnt ood enough then complain or move uni.

    In your year off you could work on a strageu and coping routines to make yourself more robust. the first year will eb the least pressured, so the worst mistake you could make is to sumble into the second and third years with lots of unresolved issue and stresses, because that would make you even unhappier.

    At some stage you need to stop beating yourself up (this really undermines you and makes things much worse, plus its self created), be self supportive and start dealing with things in baby steps, one at a time and one day at a time. Your expectations of yourself are too high.

    If you havent dealt properly with your eating disorder then give he BEAT helpline a ring. See if they can guide you.

    https://www.b-eat.co.uk/contact-us


    I forgot to add what you could really do with is a decent advocate who cna speak and assits on your behalf so you didnt find it so difficult. You could talk to

    http://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/

    Mind or Beat might know of such a service.

    I cant vouch for the quality of this service.
    http://www.voiceability.org/
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    How mature? What decade? Are you studying for a profession or just to get a degree or complete your education?

    Youve probably heard it all before, but copy your OP out or soemthing similar and then you need to see.


    1, Your tutor to explain the difficulties you are having- they already know for he ec, but I think this is serious.
    2. Advisor at the SU.
    3. Support services- if you use email then cc your tutor/ department in.
    4. Your GP.

    I'm not sure what support services can do for you. If the issue is you are suffering from depression, triggered by the bereavement, which in turn has triggered the eating disorder and a destructive phase, then that sounds a bit like meltdown. It is more important to deal with this than Uni and imo it doesnt sound like you cna recover and get it under control with just a few weeks off.

    If it were me I would just suspend my studies and get myself stable again. The second and third years are going to be more stressful and you need to be in the right frame of mind. Its not really going to affect you academically until you start taking exams. If the support isnt ood enough then complain or move uni.

    In your year off you could work on a strageu and coping routines to make yourself more robust. the first year will eb the least pressured, so the worst mistake you could make is to sumble into the second and third years with lots of unresolved issue and stresses, because that would make you even unhappier.

    At some stage you need to stop beating yourself up (this really undermines you and makes things much worse, plus its self created), be self supportive and start dealing with things in baby steps, one at a time and one day at a time. Your expectations of yourself are too high.

    If you havent dealt properly with your eating disorder then give he BEAT helpline a ring. See if they can guide you.

    https://www.b-eat.co.uk/contact-us


    I forgot to add what you could really do with is a decent advocate who cna speak and assits on your behalf so you didnt find it so difficult. You could talk to

    http://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/

    Mind or Beat might know of such a service.

    I cant vouch for the quality of this service.
    http://www.voiceability.org/
    I'm in my 30's and my reasons for being at Uni cover all 3 of those areas. I also desperately wanted to experience the wider social and extracurricular opportunities available as well (within reason- obviously prioritising my course). Basically I wanted to embrace all aspects of the experience as it's something I didn't think was possible for me.
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    (Original post by KingLhasaApso)
    Hi there, I hope you are okay. I am also a mature student, I'm starting a Nursing Degree in March. I also have CFS, Fibromyalgia and have a had a life of illness, I did a Business Studies degree in 2006 to 2010 and contracted Bacterial meningitis in my first year, appendicitis in my second and had a miscarriage in my third.

    I understand completely how you feel, as I felt very depressed, helpless and like a complete failure when I was first diagnosed. It turned out I'd had my CFS for roughly 20 years due to a serious bout of Glandular Fever contracted at 14. I don't want to patronise you in anyway by saying try not to let it get you down, because I know it only too well how badly it affects you physically and emotionally. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and if you want to talk, I'm here and can certainly relate.
    I do hope you start to feel healthier and happier asap and I completely sympathise, have you been referred to the CFS clinic yet and if so what was the outcome? Are you taking any pain meds, anti depressant etc?




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    Thank you so much xx. I have messaged you as we seem to have a lot in common and I really appreciate you offering to chat😊. Yes, I was referred to the CFS clinic and yep I'm on meds.

    Ironically, I was better than I have been in years before I started Uni. I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry about that now!
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    (Original post by cold tootsies)
    I'm in my 30's and my reasons for being at Uni cover all 3 of those areas. I also desperately wanted to experience the wider social and extracurricular opportunities available as well (within reason- obviously prioritising my course). Basically I wanted to embrace all aspects of the experience as it's something I didn't think was possible for me.
    It is possible, but you dont seem to be in the best place or mentally robust enough to be able to take advantage of it at the moment. Being in a reasonable frame of mind would be the foundations of being able to take advantage of and enjoy the three years at uni. I cant assess you, but you appear to be going into some sort of melt down (no judgement), which has all sorts of practical implications.

    Your beating yourself up are classic signs of self esteem issues as well as all the rest you know about. University in its way isnt always a solution as it brings additional pressures. It would be helpful if you could fina an advocate to help you identify and deal with all the tasks so you can see your options. It should be one or all of those three people I suggested.

    Once you know your options then you need to be honesy with yourself and see which one has the most potential for ending in a successful uni experience.

    Talk to BEAT, Mind and your GP. Keep your department informed and work out what the practical options are. Will a few days off be enough or will you need to consider suspending studies. Yout rutor should help you see whats possible. maybe tell them you cnat cope at the moment, put in a futher EC claim and then maybe ask to sit your exams in the summer. That might create a space of 8-12 weeks for you and still be able to go into second year.

    Its pot luck whether they will help you, so in these situations you are expected to help yourself. If you are unhappy with the support form the disabiliyies team tell them in writing. one thing about uni its not just the experience but making sure you can study effectively to give yourself the best chance of getting the best degree. You are fragile at the moment, so ask someone who can help and for goodness sake cut yourself some slack and start looking out and after yourself.

    It isnt a mess, its just a problem that needs sorting out an dealing with. perfectly resolveable.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    It is possible, but you dont seem to be in the best place or mentally robust enough to be able to take advantage of it at the moment. Being in a reasonable frame of mind would be the foundations of being able to take advantage of and enjoy the three years at uni. I cant assess you, but you appear to be going into some sort of melt down (no judgement), which has all sorts of practical implications.

    Your beating yourself up are classic signs of self esteem issues as well as all the rest you know about. University in its way isnt always a solution as it brings additional pressures. It would be helpful if you could fina an advocate to help you identify and deal with all the tasks so you can see your options. It should be one or all of those three people I suggested.

    Once you know your options then you need to be honesy with yourself and see which one has the most potential for ending in a successful uni experience.

    Talk to BEAT, Mind and your GP. Keep your department informed and work out what the practical options are. Will a few days off be enough or will you need to consider suspending studies. Yout rutor should help you see whats possible. maybe tell them you cnat cope at the moment, put in a futher EC claim and then maybe ask to sit your exams in the summer. That might create a space of 8-12 weeks for you and still be able to go into second year.

    Its pot luck whether they will help you, so in these situations you are expected to help yourself. If you are unhappy with the support form the disabiliyies team tell them in writing. one thing about uni its not just the experience but making sure you can study effectively to give yourself the best chance of getting the best degree. You are fragile at the moment, so ask someone who can help and for goodness sake cut yourself some slack and start looking out and after yourself.

    It isnt a mess, its just a problem that needs sorting out an dealing with. perfectly resolveable.
    Thank you so much for all your help and advice. Yes, you are absolutely spot-on with the self-esteem issues and not being at all emotionally robust. I hide it all extremely well (almost too well) most of the time and this only serves to bite me on the bum as I probably come across as infinitely more capable and composed than I actually am. Many thanks for your time x
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    (Original post by cold tootsies)
    Thank you so much xx. I have messaged you as we seem to have a lot in common and I really appreciate you offering to chat😊. Yes, I was referred to the CFS clinic and yep I'm on meds.

    Ironically, I was better than I have been in years before I started Uni. I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry about that now!
    Hey toots got your message, have replied xx


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    (Original post by KingLhasaApso)
    Hey toots got your message, have replied xx


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    Stress is one of the biggest contributors, I'm moving house at the moment and most days I'm so exhausted, I'm losing my memory, knocking into things and my bones just ache like I've ran a marathon. I never really believed in ME at first but now I've got it I can't believe how debilitating it is, I miss my friends, my old self and I took so much for granted, now I just feel like a total failure to my daughter and a complete burden. I've been talking things through with my g.p who wasn't happy about the idea of me doing nursing but she understands that I have to try for the things I want or I may as well give up and become a full time Jeremy Kyle viewer.


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    (Original post by cold tootsies)
    Thank you so much for all your help and advice. Yes, you are absolutely spot-on with the self-esteem issues and not being at all emotionally robust. I hide it all extremely well (almost too well) most of the time and this only serves to bite me on the bum as I probably come across as infinitely more capable and composed than I actually am. Many thanks for your time x

    1. Get a piece of paper and write down your feelings plus what your problems are.
    2. Then work out a solution for each one plus steps you can take to resolve them
    3. Work out a to do list for next week.
    4. when you have done that have a rest, nice food, film, bath, relax and remind yourself it is all resolveable. People will want to help, but its easier if you know what you want and put forward solutions. Make it easier for them to help you.

    Considering you are having a medium meltdown, hen look to see if theres a chance you could skip the exams and do them in the summr. Supporting evidence from your GP and counsellor would help. Its completely their discretion, but that seems the option id try for. Forst year exams arent that important, but id be more concerned you dont get it together for years 2 and 3, then uni is something that passes you by and you arent happy..

    If you can see if their is anyone willing to advocate for you. Take care.
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    (Original post by KingLhasaApso)
    Stress is one of the biggest contributors, I'm moving house at the moment and most days I'm so exhausted, I'm losing my memory, knocking into things and my bones just ache like I've ran a marathon. I never really believed in ME at first but now I've got it I can't believe how debilitating it is, I miss my friends, my old self and I took so much for granted, now I just feel like a total failure to my daughter and a complete burden. I've been talking things through with my g.p who wasn't happy about the idea of me doing nursing but she understands that I have to try for the things I want or I may as well give up and become a full time Jeremy Kyle viewer.


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    Moving house is up there as one THE most stressful things in life! Please don't compound things by calling yourself names like a failure and a burden- you didn't ask for any of this- no-one in their right mind would! The good thing about moving is, it doesn't last forever- the end is in sight.

    And I totally understand the need to keep striving for what you ultimately want. I for one, would wholeheartedly support you in that. Otherwise, what the hell are we here for? I'm in danger of getting a bit deep/going off on a rant now so I'll STFU😉.
 
 
 
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