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How to stop feeling the weight of my dads mistakes/unhappiness? watch

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    When I was younger my dad made a terrible mistake. He abandoned me basically for a new wife and told me he would choose her over me (I never asked him to choose) and said some terrible things to me and made my life hell. Luckily I escaped to university. Our relationship is repaired now but I know that he is unhappy now and can't retire any more because he has to support this wife and baby (I love the baby)... he is pretty old and I know he regrets everything and can't have the life he envisioned. It's all his fault but I feel sad all the time about the moronic decisions he made in his life and I feel like his health will suffer.

    I also want to ask him if he regrets saying the things he did to me just because he now sees what a mistake this woman was, or if he actually felt bad about the things he said. He never apologised to me and what he said still affects me to this day. Your own dad telling you he would choose an evil ugly (personality) person over you is pretty damaging tbh. I just want to ask him how he could do that. He has since said (since we made up) that I am the most important person to him but it still hurts what he did. It's about the fact he could even say it in the 1st place.


    How do I get over all of this? It's been years now... I'm 25...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When I was younger my dad made a terrible mistake. He abandoned me basically for a new wife and told me he would choose her over me (I never asked him to choose) and said some terrible things to me and made my life hell. Luckily I escaped to university. Our relationship is repaired now but I know that he is unhappy now and can't retire any more because he has to support this wife and baby (I love the baby)... he is pretty old and I know he regrets everything and can't have the life he envisioned. It's all his fault but I feel sad all the time about the moronic decisions he made in his life and I feel like his health will suffer.

    I also want to ask him if he regrets saying the things he did to me just because he now sees what a mistake this woman was, or if he actually felt bad about the things he said. He never apologised to me and what he said still affects me to this day. Your own dad telling you he would choose an evil ugly (personality) person over you is pretty damaging tbh. I just want to ask him how he could do that. He has since said (since we made up) that I am the most important person to him but it still hurts what he did. It's about the fact he could even say it in the 1st place.


    How do I get over all of this? It's been years now... I'm 25...
    It can be hard for people to say the words "i'm sorry" especially to people close to them. It seems like maybe his comment about you being important to him was him trying to apologise. The fact that you two have made up shows that he cares about you and put effort into fixing your relationship. I know it sucks not having an apology when somebody has hurt you in such a big way, but it seems like he is sorry even if he hasn't said it.

    If you wanted you could try to bring things up and it could be really healthy for both of you and lead to a better relationship between you. It could also end badly though so just be aware of that.
    It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues relating to it though so maybe it would help if you see somebody like a counsellor to talk about it and maybe work out what you want to do. Even if you decide not to open up to your dad about it talking about it to somebody could help you sort out some of the complicated feelings i'm sure you have.

    By the way, just remember that if he is unhappy where he is now, that's down to him. You shouldn't feel bad for him because of the life he chose and decisions he made.
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    I can't relate to the first paragraph because I don't feel sorry for people who have made their bed. I know a few people who have struggled with similar though and therapy can help you to understand why you feel that way.

    For the second paragraph, if you feel ready, talk to him about it. It may help you to understand him better and allow you to get your feelings off your chest.
 
 
 
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