My best friend of 8 years and I drifted apart when I started university three years ago (she didn't go to university). She stopped responding to my texts/calls and I thought okay, I'll give her space. I lost her contact details so I dropped her an e-mail yesterday saying hey, how have you been, I hope you're well etc.. She then proceeded to write me an essay telling me that we didn't drift apart - I pushed her away because I was selfish, jealous and controlling.
In her response, she detailed situations that happened in 2008-2011 that I can barely remember myself. Admittedly, I was a controlling friend. I did get jealous when she spoke to other people because I was young, immature and insecure. I loved her so much and this love manifested itself in an over-bearing manner. However, I have grown and I'm not the idiotic 16 year old girl that I was. She then proceeded to tell me that she can't remember any good times between us and that she wanted to get away from me for years. I don't understand how she could put on a façade if she hated me that much? She wasn't perfect either and to tell me that she can't remember anything good that I did for her was a low blow. I was the academic friend who always wanted to push her to achieve the best, keep her focused and ensure she reached her potential. I didn't approve of her hanging out with guys when she had work to focus on and in her e-mail she branded me as being jealous of this. I just think she was oblivious to my intentions. I helped her through a lot of emotional periods, stuck by her and fought for her. Yet all she can remember is a time when I yelled at her for dropping my folder (I was probably joking?)
Admittedly, there were times when I was a horrid person but nobody is perfect and nor was she. Her critical e-mail had me in tears that she's held this grudge for all this time. I responded by acknowledging everything she said, apologising for my flaws and immaturity and admitting I'd grown up since. But now I'm doubting myself and I don't know what to do because I still love and care for her and she wants nothing more to do with me. She makes it seem like the entire friendship was always bad and I was always hurting her. Yet, she hurt me on several occasions but it's all in the past and I don't care anymore. I honestly don't know what to do.
Reached out to my best friend and she has rejected me Watch
- Thread Starter
- 22-01-2017 20:50
- 22-01-2017 23:43
Move on, learn from your mistakes and continue.
- 23-01-2017 00:32
I knew a girl who I thought I'd be friends with for life. I did feel that love for her like a sister but I ended up feeling like she pushed me away. She made out like she was there for me but I wasn't there for her, despite the fact that when I'd ask her if something was wrong she just didn't want to speak to me about it.
We don't speak anymore and I had to delete her off social media because it was actually quite painful being reminded of someone who meant a lot to me that didn't want me in their life anymore (Sounds like a relationship ha).
Anyway, I'll offer you my two cents. If you want to, then write out what you have to say to her and send it. You can let her know how much you cared. That can be a type of closure for some. However, you need to accept that this friendship existed once but doesn't anymore. I would not attempt to rekindle this friendship because, clearly, your friend doesn't want that.
Acceptance is the key thing. It is painful and hard but you need to acknowledge the situation for what it is in order to be able to move on from it. Acknowledge the fact that you are going to be upset and that you aren't just going to "get over it" straight away but eventually you will.
I know that that one friendship can seem like something so special but appreciate the fact that you had it, even if you don't have it anymore. You know that you are a different person now and there are 7 billion people in the world. We mature and we meet new people and make new friends. I think losing friendships or those we love are some of the harsh lessons of life but those experiences help shape you as the person you become later in life.
Okay, I feel like I may have gone on and rambled there and possibly not made any sense whatsoever.
I hope you're okay and get past this.
- 02-02-2017 19:35
Sorry for the rant! In year 10, me and this girl (my best friend) got so so close. She didn't really have a proper friendship group at the time - I had a squad, but I was open to having her as a really close friend, we got on so well! By close I mean close in all aspects: i would do work with her, tell her all my problems, meet up with her etc. We always had each other's back: the same applied for year 11. Then, came sixth form. These 3 new girls joined, and she joined a friendship group aka squad with them, but I assumed still keeping me as her best friend. We still talked loads and met up and did the lot. But I got the vibe she enjoyed hanging out with that new squad loads. I.e once there was a group project, and I asked if she wanted to join me and 3 other girls and she said nah I'm going with these guys. Then in year 13- we went out a lot in the first month or so. Out of her new year 12 squad, 2 left which left her and this one other girl. They have seemed to have gotten extremely tight. Now, we haven't done anything together out of school. She's asked me out less, I asked to go to a meal with her three times and she said no all three times. She's gone out 1:1 with the other girl a few times to London. Also, she's replying to my messages less and less frequently, and giving really uninterested replies tbh. What do I do? I just feel like those 2 great years of friendship have just gone downhill. I also feel like she has changed a bit I.e talks about boys more and doesn't really reply quickly unless it's some gossip about a particular guy. But when I try to tell her my problems, I get quite late and vague replies. We live 2 roads away from each other near Brighton, so there is plenty for us to do?! Shall I still talk to her and accept she genuinely didn't like me as much as I thought? Because there are honestly too many signals to me rn. I feel used because when the 2 girls left at the end of year 12, she seemed keen to get close to me again (because essentially most her new squad have gone), but now she's super close to the other girl. The other girl I also speak to, but I get the vibe that my original bestie simply isn't interested and is far more keen to gossip and have times with her rather than me. (Rather than having a genuine equal friendship) I just feel **** tbh, if anyone could give me an insight into what they think it would really help.