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Got creeped out by a guy the library today Watch

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    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    I'm going to say something and please don't take it the wrong way. Other people have alluded to, or said the same thing already - but unfortunately it has got lost somewhat in a sea of bile.

    Sure, OK, guys don't come up to you and chat to you. I imagine you have something of a self fulfilling prophecy going on here, in that you conduct yourself in a way that avoids attention because you know people aren't interested in talking to you. But at the end of the day, people will want to talk to you, whether just to ask you something, to get to know you, or yes, to sleep with you.

    I guess you could consider the library somewhat sacrosanct with regard to privacy/random conversation. But there really is no hard rule on this. Personally, I wouldn't consider it overly odd for someone to spark up a conversation about books (whether there is an ulterior motive or not).

    You feeling awkward at him asking more questions is very much 'your thing', not his. Nothing that you reported is creepy, weird or out of place. I appreciate that you may not like it, but he doesn't know that until he talks to you - and he clearly took the hint.

    You're projecting your ideals onto the world. In your mind, you went to the library to read by yourself and when someone broke that, you have become angry at them and assigned some rather nasty and unfair labels on to them. But, you can't dictate what is going to happen in public, you just can't. This includes you being celibate, whether you are inclined to be positive to someone else's attention isn't something they can judge until they talk to you - your celibacy can't be used to attack people who don't know about it.

    I'm not sure if there is anything else to be said that can make you OK with this. Right now though, you seem caught in a trap of 'you vs all the men in the world' which isn't doing you any favours.
    No I'm sorry its not just me, it was weird. Not over the top weird, but weird nonetheless. I didn't make a big thing of it, others have.
    I'm not making it into a them vs us thing, the men on here have with their idiocy.
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    (Original post by Drez999)
    I hope this awful experience has not put you off from returning to the library.

    I've just looked on eBay for you and there's some 'Personal Defence Protection Spray' for £7.20 with free postage or free click and collect at your local Argos.

    That might be a small price to pay if it gives you peace of mind whilst in public places.

    Good luck and may the Force/God be with you.
    Has the OP replied?
    I am starting to get more worried now.
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    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    I don't see that at all.

    What I see is someone who makes choices for herself, but a lot of folks think OP should make herself 'available' for them - whether for conversation, attention, relationship or sex. Or at least keep up with illusion of availability.

    These posters (see the other guys on this thread) feel threatened when a girl says no. Why? One person's choice doesn't affect them in any way, so why the aggro, hating and even rape threats?

    This is the 2nd thread from this OP I've been on and I'm amazed by the hate from other posters.
    Yeah I agree, I don't know why men are threatened by it.
    Rape threats? Where??
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    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    I don't see that at all.

    What I see is someone who makes choices for herself, but a lot of folks think OP should make herself 'available' for them - whether for conversation, attention, relationship or sex. Or at least keep up with illusion of availability.

    These posters (see the other guys on this thread) feel threatened when a girl says no. Why? One person's choice doesn't affect them in any way, so why the aggro, hating and even rape threats?

    This is the 2nd thread from this OP I've been on and I'm amazed by the hate from other posters.
    What choice? Whether someone can talk to her or not? That is the crux of this thread. The OP didn't want anyone talking to her (whether the conversation was creepy or not is completely moot), in her subsequent posts she has made it quite clear that she is annoyed that someone spoke to her. You simply can not make that determination when you are in public, you just can't.

    She doesn't have to be 'available' for anything, she is more than welcome to, and did, decline to participate in the conversation. But it is frankly absurd to complain that the person spoke to her in the first place. Sure, it may be annoying that someone disturbed her, but that kind of thing happens literally all the time.

    I'll respond to your second point below.


    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    No I'm sorry its not just me, it was weird. Not over the top weird, but weird nonetheless. I didn't make a big thing of it, others have.
    I'm not making it into a them vs us thing, the men on here have with their idiocy.
    To be fair, you made a big thing of it by posting it onto a hugely popular forum. If it isn't such a big deal, why post it? It's OK for it to be a big deal, I'm just curious as to the slight contradiction there. You clearly wanted something from this thread.

    No, you're making it into a 'YOU vs men' thing. You really, really are. While plenty of the people in this thread have been horrible and cruel. You have been equally nasty back; whether they started it or not.

    Plus, in your OP you call the man pathetic and whatnot, despite never knowing his intentions, you instantly assumed he must be some perv out for sex. You can believe whatever you like, but that and many of your subsequent posts have clearly shown your belief that all men are pigs, you don't like them and they all hate you.
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    Yeah I agree, I don't know why men are threatened by it.
    Rape threats? Where??
    Its more on your other thread than this one, but the idea you are not allowed to refuse sex (by chosing to be celibate) or male attention (by not wanting conversation) has that connotation (a woman is not allowed to say no) -- not just the connotation of it, but the threat of it is there.

    If the guys don't agree with me, there's a simple way to test it. They should print off this thread or the other one, show it to their mom/sister and tell her THEY typed these comments in response to you & let's see what mom/sis's reaction will be.
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    I'm a guy but if a girl sees me in the library reading (more likely to be a history book or something rather than HP) they're more than welcome to ask me how it is. :sexface:


    (Jk, I need quiet to read)
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    (Original post by studentsixth)
    I thought it was general knowledge that Harry Potter talk is what picks up the ladies. Lord Of the Rings works even better I heard.
    Get with the times mate - Song of Ice and Fire? :yep: Though Chronciles of Narnia is an oldie but goodie.
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    So I went to the library today just to pass the time and I was sitting there reading, minding my own business when this dodgy looking man comes up to me and asks if i know what time the library closes. I thought he genuinely wanted to know so I told him it closes at eight. But then he asks me if the book im reading is any good (Harry potter and the cursed child). Not wishing to engage in further conversation, i tell him yes and return to by book. Then he asks if the other harry potter books are good, and I say yes they are, trying to make myself quite clear that I wish to be alone, at which point he goes away.
    I'm just surprised and slightly disturbed at the desperate measures guys will resort to with complete strangers just to get the attention of someone from the opposite sex. I'm not even remotely attractive, and if this happens again I intend to make myself quite clear and say that I just wish to read my book in peace.
    It was just a bit pathetic and creepy really and it ruined my inner peace just a little bit. Not a lot, just a bit. I shouldnt have to endure that. And in a library too, of all places.
    All book lovers will attest that being disturbed when reading is supremely annoying. That said, I don't think they meant any harm - I mean, they did leave you alone after all.

    This post has made me rack my brains for times when I've said something inconsequential to a girl and that they might have thought I was a supreme ********... :eek:
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    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    Its more on your other thread than this one, but the idea you are not allowed to refuse sex (by chosing to be celibate) or male attention (by not wanting conversation) has that connotation (a woman is not allowed to say no) -- not just the connotation of it, but the threat of it is there.

    If the guys don't agree with me, there's a simple way to test it. They should print off this thread or the other one, show it to their mom/sister and tell her THEY typed these comments in response to you & let's see what mom/sis's reaction will be.
    i think their female relatives would disown them if they saw what they posted on here. it's horrific to think that men in real life hold this much anger inside and only reinforces my belief in celibacy. I wouldn't feel safe with any guy now knowing what they think.

    yeah and with celibacy it's as though a woman has no right to say no to a relationship. 'it will happen eventually whether you like it or not' etc.
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    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    What choice? Whether someone can talk to her or not? That is the crux of this thread. The OP didn't want anyone talking to her (whether the conversation was creepy or not is completely moot), in her subsequent posts she has made it quite clear that she is annoyed that someone spoke to her. You simply can not make that determination when you are in public, you just can't.

    She doesn't have to be 'available' for anything, she is more than welcome to, and did, decline to participate in the conversation. But it is frankly absurd to complain that the person spoke to her in the first place. Sure, it may be annoying that someone disturbed her, but that kind of thing happens literally all the time.
    She wants to read/study by herself. Where's it written that she has to be subjected to unwanted attention? If the guy just asked for the time/opening hrs of library, OP would've been ok with it (you missed this bit of her post -- deliberately, perhaps?).

    Everyone has the right to go into public space and do their thing, whether it's hanging with friends or spending time alone. Yes, she can make that determination becoz I can make that determination when I go out. Or maybe its different rules for a guy?

    Women get harassed on a daily basis, there was a survey on women runners and the level of unwanted attention is constant and it makes them afraid to do things alone/go out. Maybe that's the point?
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    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    What choice? Whether someone can talk to her or not? That is the crux of this thread. The OP didn't want anyone talking to her (whether the conversation was creepy or not is completely moot), in her subsequent posts she has made it quite clear that she is annoyed that someone spoke to her. You simply can not make that determination when you are in public, you just can't.

    She doesn't have to be 'available' for anything, she is more than welcome to, and did, decline to participate in the conversation. But it is frankly absurd to complain that the person spoke to her in the first place. Sure, it may be annoying that someone disturbed her, but that kind of thing happens literally all the time.

    I'll respond to your second point below.




    To be fair, you made a big thing of it by posting it onto a hugely popular forum. If it isn't such a big deal, why post it? It's OK for it to be a big deal, I'm just curious as to the slight contradiction there. You clearly wanted something from this thread.

    No, you're making it into a 'YOU vs men' thing. You really, really are. While plenty of the people in this thread have been horrible and cruel. You have been equally nasty back; whether they started it or not.

    Plus, in your OP you call the man pathetic and whatnot, despite never knowing his intentions, you instantly assumed he must be some perv out for sex. You can believe whatever you like, but that and many of your subsequent posts have clearly shown your belief that all men are pigs, you don't like them and they all hate you.
    I didn't make a big thing out of it, that wasnt my intention. it only escalated when men started insulting me for no reason. people post insignificant things on tsr every day, especially on the chat forum, there are very few threads that are about life changing meaningful events in people's lives.

    I did NOT make it into a me vs men thing. the men did that all for themselves. ' she wouldn't have found him creepy if he was hot'. and that's not the worst of it.
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    I didn't make a big thing out of it, that wasnt my intention. it only escalated when men started insulting me for no reason. people post insignificant things on tsr every day, especially on the chat forum, there are very few threads that are about life changing meaningful events in people's lives.

    I did NOT make it into a me vs men thing. the men did that all for themselves. ' she wouldn't have found him creepy if he was hot'. and that's not the worst of it.
    Hello.
    Did you read my post about eBay etc?
    Hope you are well and feel ok to return to the library despite your continued feelings about that man.
    Take care.
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    i think their female relatives would disown them if they saw what they posted on here. it's horrific to think that men in real life hold this much anger inside and only reinforces my belief in celibacy. I wouldn't feel safe with any guy now knowing what they think.
    Yeah, that's the point I'm trying to make. If the guys' own female relatives would feel threatened/scared by these comments, then its clear they're out of order.

    I don't need to do the test with my mom. She'd totally freak out.
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    I didn't make a big thing out of it, that wasnt my intention. it only escalated when men started insulting me for no reason. people post insignificant things on tsr every day, especially on the chat forum, there are very few threads that are about life changing meaningful events in people's lives.

    I did NOT make it into a me vs men thing. the men did that all for themselves. ' she wouldn't have found him creepy if he was hot'. and that's not the worst of it.
    Yet your quote from the post above you is.

    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    it's horrific to think that men in real life hold this much anger inside and only reinforces my belief in celibacy. I wouldn't feel safe with any guy now knowing what they think.
    You're suggesting every single guy is like this. Literally every single guy is the same, some kind of dangerous sex animal. How else should I interpret your world view based on statements like this? That one wasn't made in response to an insult either.

    Whether you like to admit it. You filter your interactions with men through that lens. I've read every single of your posts on this thread and it jumps out at me.

    I know that many guys in this thread have proven your point. But others have disproven it also. And you did begin with the instant negative judgements on the guy who spoke to you.

    Originally I asked what you wanted from this thread and I posted some thoughts and advice following that. Which you ignored.

    I'm left wondering if you really are just here for the argument.
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    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    Yet your quote from the post above you is.



    You're suggesting every single guy is like this. Literally every single guy is the same, some kind of dangerous sex animal. How else should I interpret your world view based on statements like this? That one wasn't made in response to an insult either.

    Whether you like to admit it. You filter your interactions with men through that lens. I've read every single of your posts on this thread and it jumps out at me.

    I know that many guys in this thread have proven your point. But others have disproven it also. And you did begin with the instant negative judgements on the guy who spoke to you.

    Originally I asked what you wanted from this thread and I posted some thoughts and advice following that. Which you ignored.

    I'm left wondering if you really are just here for the argument.
    The post above me is what...?

    I'm not saying all men are sex crazed animals but too many of them have a sick mentality for it to be worth the risk. I'd rather stay well clear of all of them. Most men hate feminists. I could never even have a friendship with a guy that has that mentality let alone anything else. The costs outweigh the benefits.
    I didn't ignore your post with advice, I replied to it.
    You wonder if Im just here for the argument? are you suggesting I deserve all those disgusting comments calling me a skank and a cow and god knows what else? for what?
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    (Original post by ThePricklyOne)
    She wants to read/study by herself. Where's it written that she has to be subjected to unwanted attention? If the guy just asked for the time/opening hrs of library, OP would've been ok with it (you missed this bit of her post -- deliberately, perhaps?).

    Everyone has the right to go into public space and do their thing, whether it's hanging with friends or spending time alone. Yes, she can make that determination becoz I can make that determination when I go out. Or maybe its different rules for a guy?

    Women get harassed on a daily basis, there was a survey on women runners and the level of unwanted attention is constant and it makes them afraid to do things alone/go out. Maybe that's the point?
    The only information we have is a guy asked her what time the library closed, if her book was good and if the other books in the series were good. The OP gave minimal answers signalling she wasn't interested. The man left.

    Actually. The whole point of public space is that you CANT make the determination to be alone. That is precisely the point. Yes, there are a load of social rules and etiquette. Yes you can argue that generally a library is a place you would expect to be left alone. But when you are around people, people talk, regardless of their intent. You are more than welcome to not want that attention, but unless you walk around in a bubble, you can't get annoyed when people do talk to you.

    Stop making it about men and women. I never mentioned rules for one gender or another.

    OP asked about why such an incident occurred and what she could do about it. All I have ever said is that when you're in public people can and will talk to you, you can't stop them. If you find it creepy and uncomfortable then that is unfortunate, but is a reality of life.
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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    I'm a moron who needs cbt because I never want to be in a relationship. ok :borat:
    No. Because of your general unjustified misanthropic attitude

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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    The post above me is what...?

    I'm not saying all men are sex crazed animals but too many of them have a sick mentality for it to be worth the risk. I'd rather stay well clear of all of them. Most men hate feminists. I could never even have a friendship with a guy that has that mentality let alone anything else. The costs outweigh the benefits.
    I didn't ignore your post with advice, I replied to it.
    You wonder if Im just here for the argument? are you suggesting I deserve all those disgusting comments calling me a skank and a cow and god knows what else? for what?
    I wonder because I'm the one of the only people being nice to you, who offers some insight, advice and different perspective and you're choosing to pick a fight with me. Do you even know what you're disagreeing with me about?

    You're making a slew of generalisations about an entire gender. I'm really not sure what you expect or want when you have such entrenched beliefs. You literally pre judge each man before you speak to them.

    I didn't suggest that and you know it. Don't try and trick me into sinking into the mud.
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    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    The only information we have is a guy asked her what time the library closed, if her book was good and if the other books in the series were good. The OP gave minimal answers signalling she wasn't interested. The man left.

    Actually. The whole point of public space is that you CANT make the determination to be alone. That is precisely the point. Yes, there are a load of social rules and etiquette. Yes you can argue that generally a library is a place you would expect to be left alone. But when you are around people, people talk, regardless of their intent. You are more than welcome to not want that attention, but unless you walk around in a bubble, you can't get annoyed when people do talk to you.

    Stop making it about men and women. I never mentioned rules for one gender or another.

    OP asked about why such an incident occurred and what she could do about it. All I have ever said is that when you're in public people can and will talk to you, you can't stop them. If you find it creepy and uncomfortable then that is unfortunate, but is a reality of life.
    The whole point about public space is that EVERYONE can use it. Loud people and quiet people. People who want company and people who do don't. Social etiquette involves interpreting body languaage and knowing when an approach is welcome or not. And when NOT to force someone to have conversation with you.

    Don't be disingenious. It is about men and women. If I posted that I want to be alone in a f*kin library, no one would have a problem with it. But it's different rule for a girl. I don't hear male runners complaining of unwanted attention or catcalls when they run. Why is that? Do we guys own the public space whereas women do not? We're in the UK right?

    Creepy and uncomfortable is not the reality of life. Nor is feeling scared when going out into public spaces. If that's the case, then you won't mind moving to Syria, where things are pretty scary no matter your gender.
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    (Original post by _Sinnie_)
    I wonder because I'm the one of the only people being nice to you, who offers some insight, advice and different perspective and you're choosing to pick a fight with me. Do you even know what you're disagreeing with me about?

    You're making a slew of generalisations about an entire gender. I'm really not sure what you expect or want when you have such entrenched beliefs. You literally pre judge each man before you speak to them.

    I didn't suggest that and you know it. Don't try and trick me into sinking into the mud.
    I'm not picking a fight with you, I think you're doing that in your own mind. I just said I don't want a relationship and gave a few reasons why. If you don't like it, that's tough.
    Men on here have made some pretty sick generalizations about women, so I think I'm allowed to make a few of my own.
 
 
 
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