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Muslim friend seriously struggling to find a wife Watch

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    (Original post by am yisrael chai)
    i thought you were like 20 lmao
    nah I've been on TSR for 7 years too. am TSR's grannie.
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    (Original post by Desi_Scotsman)
    Why is this topic on a student website?? Especially, if its for a 39 year old adult. :facepalm:

    Sorry if this bothers sum, but students aint got time for this.
    Lool obvs you do, you're on a random thread unrelated to education on a student site at midnight on a school day haha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol a wife of child beating age... Funny isn't it how he doesn't like the fact that women have preferences despite having them himself. Tell the idiot that even women in their 40s can still have kids and try his luck there! So tired of these jimmy Saville wannabes entering middle age yet still hoping for a 20something year old wife
    I don't know why you call him an idiot when he has an engineering degree and a professional career. He is also quite well off. There definitely are non-Muslim women who would prefer a more mature man with a good career and a bit of £££ over a big kid who might be fun to be with but doesn't have a good career or two pennies to rub together.

    His problem is his non-standard background compared with most Muslims and lines of communication problems. He didn't feel confident for marriage until his late 20s so saying that he should have married earlier is a bit disingenuous.

    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    There is definitely a sense of pressure in our culture to get married by a certain age. It seems there's nothing lacking on his part. Hopefully he finds someone soon. I'm in a similar predicament and just need to keep hope that when the time is right and when it is least expected, it will happen. I have heard of so many broken engagements and marriages recently that sometimes I count my lucky stars I'm still single !
    The problem is that in Islam marriage isn't really an optional or personal choice. It's sunnah and half of deen. A Muslim past the age of 30 who is unmarried is often ostracised and seen as having something wrong with them. It's hard for them to be trusted as a pillar of the community despite the Muslim community crying out for quality people to act as leaders or influential figures.

    The Asian Muslim community almost takes it for granted that Muslims will be married by their mid 20s - and if you can't find anybody then there's always your cousins. They just don't seem to have any resources or facilities for a person like my friend.

    Should he just cut his losses, give up on marriage, and focus on what he can do and is good at like his engineering career?
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    I don't know why you call him an idiot when he has an engineering degree and a professional career. He is also quite well off. There definitely are non-Muslim women who would prefer a more mature man with a good career and a bit of £££ over a big kid who might be fun to be with but doesn't have a good career or two pennies to rub together.

    His problem is his non-standard background compared with most Muslims and lines of communication problems. He didn't feel confident for marriage until his late 20s so saying that he should have married earlier is a bit disingenuous.



    The problem is that in Islam marriage isn't really an optional or personal choice. It's sunnah and half of deen. A Muslim past the age of 30 who is unmarried is often ostracised and seen as having something wrong with them. It's hard for them to be trusted as a pillar of the community despite the Muslim community crying out for quality people to act as leaders or influential figures.

    The Asian Muslim community almost takes it for granted that Muslims will be married by their mid 20s - and if you can't find anybody then there's always your cousins. They just don't seem to have any resources or facilities for a person like my friend.

    Should he just cut his losses, give up on marriage, and focus on what he can do and is good at like his engineering career?
    I know too well what the community is like. It's culture, not religion that has created such narrow mindedness.
    What kind of resources or facilities are out there in any other community?
    Surely there must be someone at work , or a friend of a friend?
    The pressure and conformity of marrriag has worried me for a while too. Instead I focus my energy on work, family, friends and as said, when the time is right it will happen. He'll just meet someone in one way or another. There's no use stressing about it when he's tried all course of action.
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    (Original post by am yisrael chai)
    ...How old are you?
    shalom eleichom my Zionist comrade
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    (Original post by Ya Bashar)
    shalom eleichom my Zionist comrade
    salam my shakik
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    It's funny how Zionists infest almost every discussion involving Islam.

    My friend would consider marrying a reasonably conservative Jew but she has to be opposed to Zionism. I have made a few queries amongst Jews I know.
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    How is he incompatible with a Muslim woman? I disagree that he is. After all, I know him.
    You don't know what would work for him that well. Otherwise why would you need to ask for help for him on a forum full of strangers half his age?

    I consider it to be more of a lines of communication issue than anything else. If he was introduced to a Muslim woman by a local brother then it could result in a very happy and successful marriage. I am aware than the skills required to find a woman are not those to keep a woman for life.
    He either hasn't been introduced by a local brother or this has been ineffective hence why he's in this situation. If the former were the case, have you not found your solution?

    More recently my friend has been looking at revert sisters for several reasons. The British rather than Asian cultural background; many of the finer nuances of the social skills required to attract a born Muslim woman won't be required; and the sister will not usually have to have permission from her father to marry.
    If there are issues with him marrying from the demographic he is trying to date the problem is either him or the demographic. As the demographic by your own admission is intolerant of autism, surely he'd be better off seeing women from a different background.

    What you've written has largely suggested you've only tried with finding a wife in one city, how about moving and trying his luck somewhere else. His job isn't massively well-paid and he doesn't have a family, so there isn't much stopping him.

    Note: Please only comments from non-Muslims that are positive and constructive.
    Firstly, it's impossible to be positive here because he's had 20 years to find a wife and has been unsuccessful. Secondly, in the part of the post you didn't quote I gave CONSTRUCTIVE comments.

    You're looking for people to tell you everything is fine when clearly the contrary is the case; clearly a different course of action is required.
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    (Original post by Diego Costa)
    As the demographic by your own admission is intolerant of autism
    I don't think that Muslims are intolerant of autism at all. They are just behind the curve with it - a bit like with the EU.

    Firstly, it's impossible to be positive here because he's had 20 years to find a wife and has been unsuccessful.
    I would prefer advice from Muslims about this one. At 39 it's no big deal for a white British non-Muslim and they can easily get a 30 year old. With Muslims the situation might be different such as having to find a widow or a divorcee although he has no problem with marrying these people.

    I assumed that this forum would have more educated and knowledgeable individuals than the average Muslim from the local community.

    Not everybody here is a student or under the age of 25. I'm not.
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    I don't think that Muslims are intolerant of autism at all. They are just behind the curve with it - a bit like with the EU.



    I would prefer advice from Muslims about this one. At 39 it's no big deal for a white British non-Muslim and they can easily get a 30 year old. With Muslims the situation might be different such as having to find a widow or a divorcee although he has no problem with marrying these people.

    I assumed that this forum would have more educated and knowledgeable individuals than the average Muslim from the local community.

    Not everybody here is a student or under the age of 25. I'm not.
    You're saying a 39 year old guy would only now be able to pick from widows or divorces to marry? There's no other single 39 year olds?!
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    Ask Imaams at other mosques to help him? Pakistanis in general like to stick to their own, if u find a mosque with Muslims of many backgrounds, they wouldnt have a problem. I know a few 30 yr old unmarried Muslim women, having trouble finding partners cuz they can't marry out their caste so it's no time just cuz he's white
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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    You're saying a 39 year old guy would only now be able to pick from widows or divorces to marry? There's no other single 39 year olds?!
    Verrry few, idk any
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    I would prefer advice from Muslims about this one. At 39 it's no big deal for a white British non-Muslim and they can easily get a 30 year old. With Muslims the situation might be different such as having to find a widow or a divorcee although he has no problem with marrying these people.
    Not easily, you're generalising... In any circumstance he is nearly 40, with social awkwardness and an average paying job. I think it would be wise to look into other demographics.

    I assumed that this forum would have more educated and knowledgeable individuals than the average Muslim from the local community.

    Not everybody here is a student or under the age of 25. I'm not.
    I never said everybody here is under 25, although those would obviously be whom the majority of your replies would be from. The people here are more educated than your average person, but coming back to the age issue most people here probably are very inexperienced in dating. Added to that I think at least half the men on here are virgins.
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    Tell him to try SingleMuslim
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    (Original post by am yisrael chai)
    salam my shakik
    eleichom shalom rabbi
    • #3
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    It's funny how Zionists infest almost every discussion involving Islam.

    My friend would consider marrying a reasonably conservative Jew but she has to be opposed to Zionism. I have made a few queries amongst Jews I know.
    There's no conspiracy here. It's just a well known troll account, posting whatever random and offensive BS in different threads, he or she will eventually be banned soon and then pop up with a another new account and so on. It's annoying.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tell him to try SingleMuslim
    He has already tried SingleMuslim. Read my OP.

    It's not good for me to say this but, after looking at the situation myself, I feel that he may have missed the boat when it comes to marriage. Sure he could marry a non-Muslim but as Islam is so much part of his life it will lead to a strained relationship if his wife has little in common with him. It will also create confusion for the children.

    I have known about relationships between Asian Muslim men and non-Muslim white British women and how they often break down badly if their wife is uninterested in Islam or cannot offload certain British cultural baggage or has pressures from her side of the family.

    I suggested he looks at a divorced or widowed 30 something with children because they often find it tricky to get re-married.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    He has already tried SingleMuslim. Read my OP.
    well tell him to try again. thats the annoying thing about people and online dating, they sign up and if they don't find anyone after a few months then they just give up!
    since when does the world work that way? if you didn't find a job after a few months would you just give up or would you keep persisting until you found one?
    SM and other dating sites has like a million people trying to find someone at the same time and the men are so thirsty that most women usually receive like 300 messages a minute. and typically with all online dating sites its the most attractive people that tend to get the results sooner than others.

    Its difficult no matter how he tries but if you want something in life you gotta keep trying until you get it. Tell him to sign up again, make his profile and pics more appealing and then talk to as many women as possible and really broaden his horizons until he finds someone. Yes he should stick to divorced women in their 30s and actually put in some effort. don't do that annoying thing where you start a conversation with someone then cut her off mid-way to talk to someone else. women appreciate a man who invests time in her and waits patiently
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    (Original post by notespad)
    Lool obvs you do, you're on a random thread unrelated to education on a student site at midnight on a school day haha
    lol, well picked up.

    I normally only respond to the popular thread as they pop up on my home screen.

    Soz, guess i'll return to my normal duties as a student now...:vroam:
    • #1
    #1

    Yeah thats life, tell him to suck it up and keep looking rather than whining
 
 
 
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