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Muslim friend seriously struggling to find a wife Watch

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    Yes we know you're the 'friend'
    Also what wrong with marrying widowed and divorced women :s

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well tell him to try again. thats the annoying thing about people and online dating, they sign up and if they don't find anyone after a few months then they just give up!
    since when does the world work that way? if you didn't find a job after a few months would you just give up or would you keep persisting until you found one?
    SM and other dating sites has like a million people trying to find someone at the same time and the men are so thirsty that most women usually receive like 300 messages a minute. and typically with all online dating sites its the most attractive people that tend to get the results sooner than others.

    Its difficult no matter how he tries but if you want something in life you gotta keep trying until you get it. Tell him to sign up again, make his profile and pics more appealing and then talk to as many women as possible and really broaden his horizons until he finds someone. Yes he should stick to divorced women in their 30s and actually put in some effort. don't do that annoying thing where you start a conversation with someone then cut her off mid-way to talk to someone else. women appreciate a man who invests time in her and waits patiently
    Read this

    https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...8&postcount=25

    I gave him advice vaguely similar to this

    https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...6&postcount=65

    I also told him that his success (in things other than marriage) might lie in the non-Muslim community rather than the Muslim community. He was considering contesting a council election as an independent candidate and I advised him to pick a white British middle class Tory voting suburb in his city rather than a heavily Muslim area. The residents might actually give him a look in whereas Muslims just vote Labour systematically.
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    Is the person still looking for a suitable match. If so I may have someone suitable.
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    I'm not sure if anybody can advise on this.

    My friend is thinking about joining the Green Party because women outnumber men in this organisation. He accepts that it is very unlikely that he will find a Muslim because there are virtually no Muslims in the Green Party but he is happy to marry somebody with a different religion as long as they don't tread on each other's toes. Some people from the local Muslim community are disgusted with this suggestion but then they don't know anything about the Green Party because they have no involvement with it.

    Has anybody ever found their spouse through being a member of a political party?
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    I'm sure there's a Muslim equivalent of ChristianMingle he can try.
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    It's disgusting that you're talking of marriage within families, absolutely vile, but I'm not surprised. And considering he's 39 and only earning 30k a year, money isn't going to help him.
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    (Original post by That'sGreat)
    It's disgusting that you're talking of marriage within families, absolutely vile, but I'm not surprised. And considering he's 39 and only earning 30k a year, money isn't going to help him.
    By the standards of the Muslim communities in Britain there are plenty of worse choices. He does have the advantage of no debts and savings that one could possibly envy. He is certainly no pauper. His parents own a house easily worth half a million.

    Even I'm surprised that nobody has wanted him yet.
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    By the standards of the Muslim communities in Britain there are plenty of worse choices. He does have the advantage of no debts and savings that one could possibly envy. He is certainly no pauper. His parents own a house easily worth half a million.

    Even I'm surprised that nobody has wanted him yet.
    I'm not. Let's face it, a man who will rely on his parents death to survive, sadly has Aspergers, has been fixated on marriage for 10 years and must limit himself to Muslim women hasn't exactly got great prospects.
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    Your friend's best option now is to find a girl with Down's syndrome.
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    (Original post by That'sGreat)
    I'm not. Let's face it, a man who will rely on his parents death to survive, sadly has Aspergers, has been fixated on marriage for 10 years and must limit himself to Muslim women hasn't exactly got great prospects.
    (Original post by mantfup)
    Your friend's best option now is to find a girl with Down's syndrome.
    This is a bit of a harsh thing to say.

    He has said that there are Muslims in a far worse position than he is - poor qualifications; work in or are only capable of low-skilled low-paid jobs; have next to no money; criminal convictions; and can't even speak proper English - but they manage to find wives. They are however younger than he is. He suspects that a lot of them just marry their cousins.

    From my perspective it's a lines of communication problem. There are no facilities for Muslim men and women to mingle with each other. The mosques won't let him put up an advertisement, so apart from his personal contacts the only other choices are marriage websites like SingleMuslim, marriage events that he doesn't find effective, or joining some organisation with lots of (non-Muslim) women like the Green Party.
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    Hello, I'm really interested in getting to know more about your friend in terms of marriage. I'm a muslim living in London and I'm in a similar situation. My family and I are finding it very difficult to find a suitable person. Which area does your friend live in? Please send me his contact details (e.g email address) so my family can get in touch with him. I look forward to your reply. Best wishes, Nadiya
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    Russian girls are generally quite chill about Muslim guys (if they're not radical *****heades, of course) It won't make any trouble for your friend to find a Russian or Ukrainian wife. He could use dating services for this sake. But bear in mind, that most of them full of scam, and frauds. So take a time and make sure to use services with anti-scam protection.
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    Please contact me I don’t know how we can but I know I can help you


    Thanks





    QUOTE=Arran90;69740498]I'm not sure if anybody can help a friend of mine – preferably a Muslim - but help and advice from a non-Muslim is also welcome.

    My friend is 39 years old and unmarried. He has been trying for a wife for over 10 years with no success. He is a very intelligent and intellectual person with a degree in engineering. Currently he works as a medical devices engineer earning just over £30k a year.

    He was born in Britain from a white British revert mother and a Muslim father who originates from a small and obscure country. This has effectively prevented him from finding a wife through his family because they know of no suitable people.
    The majority of Muslims round my way are south Asian and if they are unable to find a spouse themselves then there is always the family and a cousin either in Britain or their home country. This explains why most are married in their early 20s and single Muslims from these communities over the age of 30 are quite rare unless they are divorced or widowed.

    My friend has met a few Pakistani sisters – including a divorced home educating mother of young children (he likes home education) – but their fathers will not allow them to marry him because he isn't Pakistani. The culture which runs deep within the Pakistani Muslim community is for sisters (and in many cases brothers) to marry a member of ones tribe or clan and they are reluctant to marry outside of it, especially a non-Pakistani.

    Both myself and my friend hold the view that his very unusual and non-standard background goes a long way to explaining why he has struggled so badly to find a wife.

    He has asked, and asked, and asked, and asked, and asked at two different mosques that he regularly attends for many years but without an ounce of success. He is a very well known figure in the community. On the majority of days he goes to the mosque for fajr in the hours of darkness and almost always attends for isha. Therefore he is certainly not an isolated or cut off person from the Muslim community.

    To complicate the matter further, he has Asperger syndrome which he only found out about in his late 20s. School was a difficult and unpleasant experience for him as a result of having undiagnosed Asperger syndrome. Issues resulting from Asperger Syndrome were viewed as wilful bad behaviour and lax standards back then. At the time he lived in a very white and British middle class suburb with only a small handful of Muslims. This meant that social skills he acquired and required were social skills for non-Muslim middle class British society rather than for a Muslim society. He only really started associating with other Muslims after the age of 20 and later moved to a city with a larger Muslim community. The Muslim community is very behind the curve when it comes to Asperger syndrome (as well as other autistic spectrum disorders and mental health conditions) where even prominent figures in positions of influence have never even heard of it.

    He is an introverted individual who feels that he lacks the social skills for attracting women and is too abrupt in communication to be able to charm them effectively. He has never really had many dealings with adult Muslim women due to the strong gender segregation and his mother is a British revert. Therefore he feels that he has a poor understanding and knowledge of the psychology of Muslim women and the etiquette involved when trying to attract one for his future wife.

    Speed dating is not for him. He has attended several Muslim marriage events but he finds them overwhelming events where success is always based on first impressions. Only by spending time with another person will it be possible to enable them to get to know each other and determine the potential for a long term relationship. Another problem is the lack of diversity in the cultural background of the sisters attending these events as they are overwhelmingly dominated by Pakistanis.

    He has tried marriage websites like SingleMuslim. They have been his best bet so far but they are still far from successful. I think it goes back to the lack of social skills issue even online. From my perspective (I am not a Muslim and I am not married) the Islamic way of attracting a future spouse is a very specific and offbeat area of social skills that will not be covered by 'western' social skills and dating books and websites.

    Looks probably aren't a problem. He is a reasonably attractive person with no physical impairments. Apart from his hair starting to turn grey he doesn't look 39. If he dyed his hair he could easily fool anybody that he is 29 years old.

    He fears that once he hits 40 (this year) then he will be past it with the chances of finding a wife of child bearing age being very slim.[/QUOTE]
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    I'm not sure if anybody can help a friend of mine – preferably a Muslim - but help and advice from a non-Muslim is also welcome.

    My friend is 39 years old and unmarried. He has been trying for a wife for over 10 years with no success. He is a very intelligent and intellectual person with a degree in engineering. Currently he works as a medical devices engineer earning just over £30k a year.
    This reads like a job application

    The problem with my fellow Asian boys these days. Girls dont care about money. They can Make there own money. They want someone who they can enjoy there life with.

    Be it that person is attractive and fun, has a great personality. From what you have written I dont think he is.
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    This is a bit of a harsh thing to say.

    He has said that there are Muslims in a far worse position than he is - poor qualifications; work in or are only capable of low-skilled low-paid jobs; have next to no money; criminal convictions; and can't even speak proper English - but they manage to find wives. They are however younger than he is. He suspects that a lot of them just marry their cousins.

    From my perspective it's a lines of communication problem. There are no facilities for Muslim men and women to mingle with each other. The mosques won't let him put up an advertisement, so apart from his personal contacts the only other choices are marriage websites like SingleMuslim, marriage events that he doesn't find effective, or joining some organisation with lots of (non-Muslim) women like the Green Party.
    A good looking guy can be broke, no job and even serve jail time.
    They get more women than ugly boys who are rich.

    Money does not compensate looks.

    Also there are match makers. my cousin is currelty using one, they charge a fee
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    By the standards of the Muslim communities in Britain there are plenty of worse choices. He does have the advantage of no debts and savings that one could possibly envy. He is certainly no pauper. His parents own a house easily worth half a million.

    Even I'm surprised that nobody has wanted him yet.
    becuase girls have their own money these days.
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    I have Muslimah friends who are looking for a marriage . But I need to talk to your friend first before I arrange a meeting. I am Muslim With Indonesia origin.
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    hey I tried replying before but dont know if it actually went throughi have my sister who is looking she is 27 and she is also looking so if we could clget into contact it would be greatshe also is finding it hard to find muslim brothers on the right path and i personally am married but im looking someone for her.
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    Assalamualaikum I am interested in this brother for my sister as we are not looking at culturer rather we are looking for good person
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    salam alaykum hi am a single mother a convert muslim also struggleto get a life partner joined so many islamic marriage sites no luck if ur mate is still intrestin getting married i can leave u My email for him to contact me in sha Allah
 
 
 
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