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Muslim friend seriously struggling to find a wife watch

    • #4
    #4

    1) shaadi.com

    2) muslim men can marry a christian/jew/muslim. maybe he should broaden his criteria a bit.

    3) Id volunteer to marry him if he fux good. k bye
    • #4
    #4

    go to a third world country like syria or iraq or afghanistan and bring a girl back from there. they'd all be willing as long as they can move out of their horrible countries
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    no matter if he got asperger their is someone out their for him its a matter of time In Sha Allah, Single muslim is not the best site to find anyone had a bad experience on that site but I wish all the best for your friend. I am in a similar situation I have only a learning difficulty and reaching marriage age nearly finding it difficult but only when allah wills we will find the one we are looking for.
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    My i know him i zm ratna from indonesiz. Maybe i can be hus friend. I am 44. But people often think me 30s
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    We are at a loss to explain things...

    My friend is losing count of how many times he has had positive and productive discussions with Muslim sisters on marriage sites - some of these discussions last as long as three months - before meeting them in person at a location decided by the sister. The meeting appears to go well with no obvious problematic issues or conflicts, then a day or two later the sister sends him a short message thanking him for meeting then ending with a terse statement like "sadly I think we are different in terms of personality" or "I have decided not to pursue getting to know each other" with no explanation of where the problems or the incompatibilities lie. More often than not (judging by an active profile a few months later) the sister has not found another man to marry.

    My friend even covertly video recorded a meeting with a sister. It was watched by myself and a few other brothers from the mosque and nobody could find any faults or problems that justified an instant rejection without further questions or a future meeting to resolve problematic issues.

    I would appreciate if anybody could shed any light on this matter as to where my friend is going wrong because things are pointing in a direction that either it's his looks (the sister has rejected him in the first five seconds of seeing him) or that he is making the same mistake time and time again in a similar parallel to a recurring mistake that causes people to persistently fail job interviews.

    This information has previously been circulated within the local Muslim community but nobody has clear explanations whilst many are concerned that so many instant rejections, after months of online discussion, looks abnormal and cause for concern.
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    @MiszShorTea786 something 4 u wen u return
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    I have had a think about #65 and it's clearly evident that an instant rejection following a generally good meeting after three months of discussion is not just a waste of my friend's time but equally the sister's time as well. Therefore unless she has another man clearly in mind then it has to be a factor that cannot easily be resolved - like the colour of your eyes or your height - rather than one which could possibly be changed or negotiated - like where you plan to live.

    My friend knows what bad meetings are as he has experienced some before where there are clear conflicts of interests, incompatibilities, or it's evident that they just don't like each other or get on. Such sisters have generally come through personal contacts rather than marriage websites.

    I suspect that the phenomenon is not entirely confined to Muslims so somebody who is not Muslim may be able to offer insight.
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    Assalamualaikum I did talk to your friend with a proposal for my sister who lives in bangladesh and I live here in london. Your friend never get back to me
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    I discussed the issue with a non-Muslim marriage advisor. One factor that was mentioned was his height and how short men tend to find it harder to find a wife than men of average or taller than average height. My friend is quite short at only 5'6" and we have been wondering if this has not worked in his favour.
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    I am looking for a white Muslim guy to marry. I am 40 year old living in London. I have a well paid job and also own my home.
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    Arran90:I know a Muslim sister who is 39, educated (she has a degree and works) She has the same problem finding a husband as a lot of people only want to marry in the same culture. She owns her own home, has never been married and her family are looking for a husband for her. She has an open mind and as long as the brother is muslim she is looking to get married. I can introduce her to your friend and inshallah I hope they can find what they are looking forPlease message back with your contact details asap
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    Arranged marriage? Isn't that the sort of thing Muslims go for?
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    My friend has two brothers and a sister all younger than him but in their 30s. His two brothers are also unmarried. His sister is the youngest of the four and married an Iraqi whilst in her early 20s and she has children but following complex events her husband has now returned to Iraq. None of his brothers or sister have Asperger Syndrome.

    Reading between the lines here I'm thinking that there could be a deeper and common factor at play rather than my friend being at fault. It's interesting that none of the four siblings have shown any significant desire to marry someone from the country their father was born in and neither do they have any affinity towards this country.
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    I was going to say sign up on Singlemuslim.com but you say he has already done that.
    To be honest I find it hard to believe he is struggling as he is educated and well known. I know plenty of muslim girls who have married white revert muslims.
    Maybe his Aspergers is the issue here?
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    (Original post by A321)
    To be honest I find it hard to believe he is struggling as he is educated and well known.
    Same here. In my opinion he is definitely a quality person. He also owns a 3 bedroom semi outright with no mortgage.

    Maybe his Aspergers is the issue here?
    I'm not certain. Only recently have I learned of his brothers and how they are not married. This has made me think that it's more likely to be issues with identity than Asperger syndrome.

    To be honest, I'm not keen on certain aspects of the Islamic marriage procedure like how a 10 minute long meeting with a person you hardly know results in a make or break decision whether to continue. I'm inclined to say that some of these women who have rejected my friend have made hasty decisions based on superficial information. The Islamic marriage procedure lacks a facility to get to know a potential spouse over a period of a few weeks - or months - which is something that my friend would probably benefit from as it will more faithfully represent his true character rather than a first impressions are everything scenario.

    I have been verbally informed by a marriage advisor that a high proportion of divorces amongst Muslims happens within the first two years of marriage and after 3 or 4 years marriages tend to be stable whereas for non-Muslim British people divorces are more spread out over time. This is likely to result from marriages between Muslims being decided very quickly on minimal information then the incompatibilities show a few months later.
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    (Original post by Arran90)
    I'm not sure if anybody can help a friend of mine – preferably a Muslim - but help and advice from a non-Muslim is also welcome.My friend is 39 years old and unmarried. He has been trying for a wife for over 10 years with no success. He is a very intelligent and intellectual person with a degree in engineering. Currently he works as a medical devices engineer earning just over £30k a year.He was born in Britain from a white British revert mother and a Muslim father who originates from a small and obscure country. This has effectively prevented him from finding a wife through his family because they know of no suitable people.The majority of Muslims round my way are south Asian and if they are unable to find a spouse themselves then there is always the family and a cousin either in Britain or their home country. This explains why most are married in their early 20s and single Muslims from these communities over the age of 30 are quite rare unless they are divorced or widowed.My friend has met a few Pakistani sisters – including a divorced home educating mother of young children (he likes home education) – but their fathers will not allow them to marry him because he isn't Pakistani. The culture which runs deep within the Pakistani Muslim community is for sisters (and in many cases brothers) to marry a member of ones tribe or clan and they are reluctant to marry outside of it, especially a non-Pakistani.Both myself and my friend hold the view that his very unusual and non-standard background goes a long way to explaining why he has struggled so badly to find a wife.He has asked, and asked, and asked, and asked, and asked at two different mosques that he regularly attends for many years but without an ounce of success. He is a very well known figure in the community. On the majority of days he goes to the mosque for fajr in the hours of darkness and almost always attends for isha. Therefore he is certainly not an isolated or cut off person from the Muslim community.To complicate the matter further, he has Asperger syndrome which he only found out about in his late 20s. School was a difficult and unpleasant experience for him as a result of having undiagnosed Asperger syndrome. Issues resulting from Asperger Syndrome were viewed as wilful bad behaviour and lax standards back then. At the time he lived in a very white and British middle class suburb with only a small handful of Muslims. This meant that social skills he acquired and required were social skills for non-Muslim middle class British society rather than for a Muslim society. He only really started associating with other Muslims after the age of 20 and later moved to a city with a larger Muslim community. The Muslim community is very behind the curve when it comes to Asperger syndrome (as well as other autistic spectrum disorders and mental health conditions) where even prominent figures in positions of influence have never even heard of it.He is an introverted individual who feels that he lacks the social skills for attracting women and is too abrupt in communication to be able to charm them effectively. He has never really had many dealings with adult Muslim women due to the strong gender segregation and his mother is a British revert. Therefore he feels that he has a poor understanding and knowledge of the psychology of Muslim women and the etiquette involved when trying to attract one for his future wife.Speed dating is not for him. He has attended several Muslim marriage events but he finds them overwhelming events where success is always based on first impressions. Only by spending time with another person will it be possible to enable them to get to know each other and determine the potential for a long term relationship. Another problem is the lack of diversity in the cultural background of the sisters attending these events as they are overwhelmingly dominated by Pakistanis.He has tried marriage websites like SingleMuslim. They have been his best bet so far but they are still far from successful. I think it goes back to the lack of social skills issue even online. From my perspective (I am not a Muslim and I am not married) the Islamic way of attracting a future spouse is a very specific and offbeat area of social skills that will not be covered by 'western' social skills and dating books and websites.Looks probably aren't a problem. He is a reasonably attractive person with no physical impairments. Apart from his hair starting to turn grey he doesn't look 39. If he dyed his hair he could easily fool anybody that he is 29 years old.He fears that once he hits 40 (this year) then he will be past it with the chances of finding a wife of child bearing age being very slim.
    What has happened since you posted this message? Has he had any luck?
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    Hi your friend deliverly dont want to marry. I did ask him for my sister
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    Hi has your friend had any joy in finding marrage my revert sister is too strongly looking
    • #6
    #6

    I don't really know about all that but I am Pakistani myself my cousins have married a few different ethnic groups i.e. Somalia's and you don't get married into your "tribe" but it is true you tend to get married to other Pakistanis but not specifically members of your "tribe"
 
 
 
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