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My flatmates don't like me, any advice? Watch

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    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone
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    In group savagery, probably no one has a personal grudge against you it's just as you said, you're not in their little group and they think you're different because of that.
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    You're just going to have to grin and bear it, I'm afraid. It sounds like you just got unlucky with the people you were put with. Let them do their thing and you do yours.
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    Forget them make other friends... One of my mates lives in halls doesn't chat to anyone in his accommodation he has made friends with people from his course and from societies.
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    Talk to your warden and ask to room move? :console:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone


    9 people in a flat?

    Jesus.....

    sounds more like a hostel.......
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    9 people in a flat?

    Jesus.....

    sounds more like a hostel.......
    At one of the accommodations at my uni, you can have up to 14 flatmates
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    Just 4 months left. Bear with it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone

    You dont sound like you have made much of an effort to mix and the grou[ has formed without you. Ive heard a lot worse. You also dont sound very confident either.

    1. If you decide to leave then you will need to find a replacement. Whioever you move in with, then they could have formed a group already, but you could also find people that are much more to your liking. Finding the replacement is key. Its not an unreasonable option and you should consier the pros and cons.

    2. If you decide to stay, then things are going to stay as they are unless you do something. Some of them will be more sociable and tolerant than others. have you made any attempt to make friends, the fact you are out most of the time gives me the imprssion you try and avoid them. If its all first years them im afraid they can be very immature. You could try and be more sociable, have a house meeting or post a leter up on the noticeboard and have a peace meeting. With 9 people that probably isnt going to work, so you could leave a notice up.

    If they start to find you are sociable and ok, then they might be more tolerant and leave you alone, maybe even talk to you. Is there nothing you have in common?

    Only you can decide whether to stay or leave, but if you stay then you need to make an effort. Part of the reason is to stop it getting worse.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks everyone for your advice. I made friends in my course but most of them live at home... I have 2-4 friends that often hang out with so my social life is okay but sometimes I just feel sad and lonely at night. I know I only have 4 months left but is there anything I can do to make this more bearable? And I have a friend who wants to move out early from her accommodation, I can probably take over her room after she leave but it will be after Easter holiday then. Her accommodation is a lot cheaper but I have to wait until April to move out. Is that worth to do so?
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    surely you realise that this stemmed from your anti-social behaviour
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You dont sound like you have made much of an effort to mix and the grou[ has formed without you. Ive heard a lot worse. You also dont sound very confident either.

    1. If you decide to leave then you will need to find a replacement. Whioever you move in with, then they could have formed a group already, but you could also find people that are much more to your liking. Finding the replacement is key. Its not an unreasonable option and you should consier the pros and cons.

    2. If you decide to stay, then things are going to stay as they are unless you do something. Some of them will be more sociable and tolerant than others. have you made any attempt to make friends, the fact you are out most of the time gives me the imprssion you try and avoid them. If its all first years them im afraid they can be very immature. You could try and be more sociable, have a house meeting or post a leter up on the noticeboard and have a peace meeting. With 9 people that probably isnt going to work, so you could leave a notice up.

    If they start to find you are sociable and ok, then they might be more tolerant and leave you alone, maybe even talk to you. Is there nothing you have in common?

    Only you can decide whether to stay or leave, but if you stay then you need to make an effort. Part of the reason is to stop it getting worse.
    Thank you very much for your advice. Yes I'm not confident with myself and not sociable either I usually don't have a large group of friends at school or college. I'm considering the pros and cons of moving into a new flat because there might be some people like my flatmates outside.

    And yes I'm tried to avoid them because I feel uncomfortable with them. If there's one or two people in the kitchen I can have a small chat but that is Your suggestion of having a flat meeting seems good but I'm not confident to do so as I know they talked behind my back and left me out. And yeah my flatmates are all 1st years.

    The only thing in common is we are all first year students. I'm an international student so my English is not perfect which makes me more afraid to socialise with them. There are some international students in the flat but they are from English speaking country.
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    Hello,

    I was in the same position as you! I ended up living with them in second year, as obviously had to decide early on in first year and I just thought maybe if I gave it time I would fit in with them. I spent my 2nd year not interacting with them much at all, and in hindsight should have known and lived with other friends, but once I accepted it I was much happier. I just didn't click with them or fit into their group dynamic. I'm also really introverted, they just wanted to spend loads of time with each other, and I too would feel anxious to go into the kitchen etc. Luckily I'm on a very sociable course so I focused my efforts on making friends there, so I would advise this if you can. Just keep going til the end of the year and don't worry about it if you're not living with them next year, just ignore it but be friendly/polite. Accept it and you'll feel much happier. It's not anything wrong with you!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you very much for your advice. Yes I'm not confident with myself and not sociable either I usually don't have a large group of friends at school or college. I'm considering the pros and cons of moving into a new flat because there might be some people like my flatmates outside.

    And yes I'm tried to avoid them because I feel uncomfortable with them. If there's one or two people in the kitchen I can have a small chat but that is Your suggestion of having a flat meeting seems good but I'm not confident to do so as I know they talked behind my back and left me out. And yeah my flatmates are all 1st years.

    The only thing in common is we are all first year students. I'm an international student so my English is not perfect which makes me more afraid to socialise with them. There are some international students in the flat but they are from English speaking country.
    You see this is the problem. they might regard you as anti social, so if you avoid them and make no effort then they avoid you. Theyve left you out becayse you have kind if split off from the group. With first years they have much less patience to try and include everyone.

    Its hard getting 8 others together and the immature ones would most likely ignore you. You also dont say anything about really wnating to be friends with them or making an effort to mix. You also might find it hard getting a replacement this far into the year.

    If I was feeling passive then I might leave them some beer and a short note saying sorry you havent gotten along and you look forward to getting to know them this term. that you are quite quiet, but would still like to be friends and would be up for going out on any house activities..

    People tend not to argue with beer and its a sign of goodwill. The problem is you dont have much confidence , but you have to make an effort or they will just regard you as anti social becayse you arent around and dont make an effort. Could you make an appointment with student support servicces or the international team and they can discuss it with you.
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    Maybe try talking with them to explain how you feel?

    And if you're uncomfortable talking to all of them in one big meeting, ask to speak to 2 or 3 of them at one time?
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    (Original post by thescientist17)
    Hello,

    I was in the same position as you! I ended up living with them in second year, as obviously had to decide early on in first year and I just thought maybe if I gave it time I would fit in with them. I spent my 2nd year not interacting with them much at all, and in hindsight should have known and lived with other friends, but once I accepted it I was much happier. I just didn't click with them or fit into their group dynamic. I'm also really introverted, they just wanted to spend loads of time with each other, and I too would feel anxious to go into the kitchen etc. Luckily I'm on a very sociable course so I focused my efforts on making friends there, so I would advise this if you can. Just keep going til the end of the year and don't worry about it if you're not living with them next year, just ignore it but be friendly/polite. Accept it and you'll feel much happier. It's not anything wrong with you!
    Hello thanks for your advice! We are in the exact situation! Glad to hear that you made friends on your course and being very sociable Your words did make me feel happier Yeah at the beginning I thought to myself maybe I can fit in the group one day, but it's so difficult especially they have already formed a strong and close relationship and I'm an introvert persn. However I won't be living with them next year so I don't have to worrying about this again. I'm gonna focus on making friends in my course
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    Ask to move to a different flat. When you do be as sociable as you can. The flat i was in all went their separate ways... the girls sort of stuck together and the guys in my flat already had lots of mates from outside the uni and inside. You should I think have stayed in the kitchen/lounge when your room mates friends came over.. as in the first time they turned up...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You see this is the problem. they might regard you as anti social, so if you avoid them and make no effort then they avoid you. Theyve left you out becayse you have kind if split off from the group. With first years they have much less patience to try and include everyone.

    Its hard getting 8 others together and the immature ones would most likely ignore you. You also dont say anything about really wnating to be friends with them or making an effort to mix. You also might find it hard getting a replacement this far into the year.

    If I was feeling passive then I might leave them some beer and a short note saying sorry you havent gotten along and you look forward to getting to know them this term. that you are quite quiet, but would still like to be friends and would be up for going out on any house activities..

    People tend not to argue with beer and its a sign of goodwill. The problem is you dont have much confidence , but you have to make an effort or they will just regard you as anti social becayse you arent around and dont make an effort. Could you make an appointment with student support servicces or the international team and they can discuss it with you.
    Thank you again! Yeah I believe that they regard me as anti-social but actually I'm just too shy and awkward to talk to them. I know it's already January and I might not be able to move. I will try the beer thing because it sounds okay for me. And yes I will make an appointment with the international team! Thanks for your help again!!
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    (Original post by James385)
    Ask to move to a different flat. When you do be as sociable as you can. The flat i was in all went their separate ways... the girls sort of stuck together and the guys in my flat already had lots of mates from outside the uni and inside. You should I think have stayed in the kitchen/lounge when your room mates friends came over.. as in the first time they turned up...
    Yeah I should've stayed when their friends came over but it's too late.. I will try my best to socialise with my new flatmates if I'm able to move! Thanks for your advice!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I should've stayed when their friends came over but it's too late.. I will try my best to socialise with my new flatmates if I'm able to move! Thanks for your advice!
    You are right it is too late... if you did they would look at you funny and see it as forced. As soon as you present yourself as anti social/ a bit weird... it's very difficult to change peoples mindset.
    Best of luck
 
 
 
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