Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

My flatmates don't like me, any advice? Watch

    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you again! Yeah I believe that they regard me as anti-social but actually I'm just too shy and awkward to talk to them. I know it's already January and I might not be able to move. I will try the beer thing because it sounds okay for me. And yes I will make an appointment with the international team! Thanks for your help again!!
    Make sure theres enough beer. they normally have special offers on down at the supermarkets. £20 worth imo. You cant talk the wording through with maybe someone you trust so you get the balance right. they normally do say 3 six pack for £20. Thats 2 cans each.

    Get someone to help you compose a message. It has to be peace making and accept your part in it but no blame. Its a one off attempt to be sociable. It wont do any harm and it might take the edge off them being unfriendly. Make friends outside your house as well. Dont let it put you off, thede forums are full of threads where people dont get along.

    Its a lot less hassle for the price of a few beers than moving out. Worth a shot.
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    (Original post by James385)
    You are right it is too late... if you did they would look at you funny and see it as forced. As soon as you present yourself as anti social/ a bit weird... it's very difficult to change peoples mindset.
    Best of luck
    It is but not impossible. Its hard to say though without knowing the personalities of the OP and the others in the flat.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone
    Well I think you need to realise that because you have very different personalities and interests it's natural for them to be closer to eachother... it's not that they dislike you, it's just that they are friends and you are not part of the group. That is just a part of life... you're going to be friends with people that are more like you and enjoy the same things you do. It's up to you to go out and find people that you enjoy spending time with... they aren't going to fall into your lap, especially if you are quiet/introverted. Join some societies that interest you, pluck up the courage to speak to people on your course. It's not exclusion them having their own group chat, they're in a friendship group which you don't join in with.
    It's their house just as much as yours so it's completely reasonable for them to have friends over and have fun in the kitchen... I am sure you're welcome to join but if you don't enjoy their company why force it?
    Are you sure they are actually talking about you or are you over thinking it and being paranoid? How do you know they talk behind your back, are you spying on them?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by James385)
    You are right it is too late... if you did they would look at you funny and see it as forced. As soon as you present yourself as anti social/ a bit weird... it's very difficult to change peoples mindset.
    Best of luck
    Thanks! I understand the first impression is important.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Make sure theres enough beer. they normally have special offers on down at the supermarkets. £20 worth imo. You cant talk the wording through with maybe someone you trust so you get the balance right. they normally do say 3 six pack for £20. Thats 2 cans each.

    Get someone to help you compose a message. It has to be peace making and accept your part in it but no blame. Its a one off attempt to be sociable. It wont do any harm and it might take the edge off them being unfriendly. Make friends outside your house as well. Dont let it put you off, thede forums are full of threads where people dont get along.

    Its a lot less hassle for the price of a few beers than moving out. Worth a shot.
    Thanks a lot! I made friends outside of my flat and in my course and I find it totally fine. I guess I need to be more confident and walk out of my comfort zone.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Moura)
    Well I think you need to realise that because you have very different personalities and interests it's natural for them to be closer to eachother... it's not that they dislike you, it's just that they are friends and you are not part of the group. That is just a part of life... you're going to be friends with people that are more like you and enjoy the same things you do. It's up to you to go out and find people that you enjoy spending time with... they aren't going to fall into your lap, especially if you are quiet/introverted. Join some societies that interest you, pluck up the courage to speak to people on your course. It's not exclusion them having their own group chat, they're in a friendship group which you don't join in with.
    It's their house just as much as yours so it's completely reasonable for them to have friends over and have fun in the kitchen... I am sure you're welcome to join but if you don't enjoy their company why force it?
    Are you sure they are actually talking about you or are you over thinking it and being paranoid? How do you know they talk behind your back, are you spying on them?
    Hi thanks for your advice. I agree what you said, it's just a nature of a group. I will try to be more sociable and meet more people in my course/society. And I know they are talking behind my back because one of them told me that they said I don't belong in the flat. You might probably say that I can talk to the one that told me the truth but one time he accidentally said something about me in the chat that I'm in so I don't trust him either. I didn't spy on them lol
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone
    I've been through a similar thing! I didn't move out, made friends on my course and moved in with them in the second year. Do what makes you happy - if you have the means to move out, then leave - it does ont matter what they think.

    If it's any consolation, they're probably not that close. It just seems that way. It's only been a few months and people who don't have a lot in common tend to use alcohol/clubbing as a way to bond during freshers - those of who us who don't engage move out.

    Also, they probably don't dislike you. They just don't have much in common with you. They probably just say things to bond - what jerks. Just ignore them and live your life. If you want to stay, stay. But don't feel like you have to conform to their standards of living.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by notespad)
    I've been through a similar thing! I didn't move out, made friends on my course and moved in with them in the second year. Do what makes you happy - if you have the means to move out, then leave - it does ont matter what they think.

    If it's any consolation, they're probably not that close. It just seems that way. It's only been a few months and people who don't have a lot in common tend to use alcohol/clubbing as a way to bond during freshers - those of who us who don't engage move out.

    Also, they probably don't dislike you. They just don't have much in common with you. They probably just say things to bond - what jerks. Just ignore them and live your life. If you want to stay, stay. But don't feel like you have to conform to their standards of living.
    Hello thanks for your advice! I'm gonna move with my friends next year I can't wait! You said you didn't move out, but what makes you feel more better when you're in the flat/kitchen? And yeah I just need to do what I like and what I comfortable with! Your words are helpful!
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks a lot! I made friends outside of my flat and in my course and I find it totally fine. I guess I need to be more confident and walk out of my comfort zone.
    If you have friends outside, then you dont need their friendship, just not their hostility. By failing to get involvedand isolating from the house, then its a form of rejection. My student house used to be like a form of family.

    Anyway if you jabe other friends hen maybe look to moving in with them next year. In the meantime just engage be open and friendly. make an effort and the idea is that you still live there even if you will never be best buddies.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    If you have friends outside, then you dont need their friendship, just not their hostility. By failing to get involvedand isolating from the house, then its a form of rejection. My student house used to be like a form of family.

    Anyway if you jabe other friends hen maybe look to moving in with them next year. In the meantime just engage be open and friendly. make an effort and the idea is that you still live there even if you will never be best buddies.
    Yeah I agree! I know we won't be friends but I don't want to have enemies I wish I have a flat like a family as well! And yeah I'm moving in with 2 of my friends next year. Everything has been sorted out so I'm looking forward to my 2nd year Thank you.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello thanks for your advice! I'm gonna move with my friends next year I can't wait! You said you didn't move out, but what makes you feel more better when you're in the flat/kitchen? And yeah I just need to do what I like and what I comfortable with! Your words are helpful!
    I just kept to myself for the most part. I did not force any friendships (my flatmates were horrible, to be honest, so I knew quite quickly we wouldn't be close/it wasn't due to a misunderstanding).

    So, I only went to the kitchen to make my own food. I hung out in my room most of the time. And then I made friends at uni, so I would happily socialise with them, then come home to my room. It was a nice independent life to be honest. Although the housemates were really horrible with the loud music and partying when I had exams and stuff.

    I believe in God/karma, I was direct with them, but ye, just knew I'd be onto bigger and better things Now I'm in a lovely apartment away from them haha! Don't let anyone get you down - especially people who indirectly pick on you for no reason. Sure, it may look like they have 'friends,' But, truly, when they really need their friends - no-one will be there because their friendship was based on horrible things.

    Now I have a few best friends who would do anything for me (I've been through a lot of family/personal/mental health issues and they were there like my family). I didn't force these relationships, they just happened. be true to you and your people will find you/you'll fine your people
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    You may find it worth your while to do the 16personality test.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by notespad)
    I just kept to myself for the most part. I did not force any friendships (my flatmates were horrible, to be honest, so I knew quite quickly we wouldn't be close/it wasn't due to a misunderstanding).

    So, I only went to the kitchen to make my own food. I hung out in my room most of the time. And then I made friends at uni, so I would happily socialise with them, then come home to my room. It was a nice independent life to be honest. Although the housemates were really horrible with the loud music and partying when I had exams and stuff.

    I believe in God/karma, I was direct with them, but ye, just knew I'd be onto bigger and better things Now I'm in a lovely apartment away from them haha! Don't let anyone get you down - especially people who indirectly pick on you for no reason. Sure, it may look like they have 'friends,' But, truly, when they really need their friends - no-one will be there because their friendship was based on horrible things.

    Now I have a few best friends who would do anything for me (I've been through a lot of family/personal/mental health issues and they were there like my family). I didn't force these relationships, they just happened. be true to you and your people will find you/you'll fine your people
    I'm staying in my room most of the time too. Sometimes I have friends coming over but mostly I go to theirs. And I knew we won't be friends/close at the beginning either lol It's just a feeling that they are not the type of people I would like to be friends with.

    I agree it's nice to enjoy my own company. I don't need a bunch of friends but 2-3 friends that can have deep conversation with and understand each other.

    Thanks for your advice and kind words, It really helps
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm staying in my room most of the time too. Sometimes I have friends coming over but mostly I go to theirs. And I knew we won't be friends/close at the beginning either lol It's just a feeling that they are not the type of people I would like to be friends with.

    I agree it's nice to enjoy my own company. I don't need a bunch of friends but 2-3 friends that can have deep conversation with and understand each other.

    Thanks for your advice and kind words, It really helps
    No problem Feel free to message me anytime you want if things ever get on top of you! But very true, the more you continue through university, the more you will realise the importance of these real friends! Good luck with everything. Hope university brings you a lot of success and happiness
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by notespad)
    No problem Feel free to message me anytime you want if things ever get on top of you! But very true, the more you continue through university, the more you will realise the importance of these real friends! Good luck with everything. Hope university brings you a lot of success and happiness
    Thank you! wish you all the best too
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by James385)
    You may find it worth your while to do the 16personality test.
    I just did the test and found out I'm ISFP-T
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone
    A similar thing happened to me. I'm super shy around new people and I also get on better with guys, and I was put in an all girls flat. All the girls seemed very girly and squealy and at first I hated it so much. One of them really just wasn't very nice and would not invite me on nights out and stuff. But then I became good friends with one of them, made friends with the guys from a neighbouring flat and after the first six weeks the two girls who weren't very nice paired off and the other 4 of us became great friends. I really wouldn't have envisaged at the start I'd eventually become such good friends with most of them.

    Having said that, things changed for me around the 6 week mark. If you're still having problems after a whole semester it might be a good idea to change.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I'm a first year student. Staying anonymously because I don't want any of my flatmates to see this. Really need some advice on this issue

    So there are 9 people in my flat. At the beginning I tried to socialise with some of them and it was okay. However I'm an introvert person so I didn't join activities like clubbing. Then they spend quite a lot of time together and became very close. Because I wasn't in the flat and that much as they always have friends coming over and have party in the kitchen which makes me feel very awkward to go inside. They probably think that I'm weird and I can feel that they don't like me:/ I also realised that they have a separate group chat without me and often talk behind my back(they said I don't belong in the flat).

    Sometimes I feel sad about this because I didn't do anything to them. And I'm currently considering to move out to start over. Is that a good decision? I really need some advice thank you everyone
    Flat mates often end up bein people you just see and aren't always friends with. I have lots of friends who live in accommodations but don't like their flat mates due to different interests. They aren't your only friends. Make friends around uni, in society groups with similar interest and maybe on your course. Your pretty much half way through the year and a lot of people are changing accommodation for next year. So rather than moving out now why don't you find a different accommodation for next year. Hope this helps x
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Be aware that you might end up with nightmare flatmates if you move (noisy, messy etc) or you may just not get on any better than with these people.

    I would wait it out for the year - perhaps make more of an effort with the flatmates you do have OR try and get move involved with people outside your flat (societies etc). Whoever you live with next year - you have to learn to put yourself out there even if it makes you uncomfortable. That means going clubbing sometimes (at least at the start of the year) or at least hanging out for pre drinks, that means meeting their friends, inviting people to do stuff etc. you can't expect to hang out in your room all the time and barely speak to people and have them like you... I know it's hard to do those things but honestly the more you do them the easier it will get and it's good experience for life as you will often have to deal with strangers, groups etc
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi thanks for your advice. I agree what you said, it's just a nature of a group. I will try to be more sociable and meet more people in my course/society. And I know they are talking behind my back because one of them told me that they said I don't belong in the flat. You might probably say that I can talk to the one that told me the truth but one time he accidentally said something about me in the chat that I'm in so I don't trust him either. I didn't spy on them lol
    tbh I think it's rude of him to tell you that... sounds pretty mean of him. Everyone talks about others it's human nature but you don't tell the person that...
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 9, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.