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    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    Hi 20 year old here,

    I first went to have sex at 16 with my girlfriend from school, however when we tried I couldn't get it up, so we tried again a few weeks later and I still couldn't get it up. Anyways we ended up breaking up and a few months later I went to a house party where I met a girl and we ended up in one of the bedrooms, and no surprise.. I couldn't get it up, anyways this has continued to happen up to now all the way through school house parties and university (gets especially awkward when they come to mine and I can't get hard and they leave - uni is a small circle and word gets around so many people know that I couldnt get it up with certain girls which makes me feel ****). I tried with 3 girls in freshers and all 3 I couldn't get an erection. So far there has been almost 20 girls I've attempted to have sex with and everytime failed to get or maintain an erection. I am now really worried something may be wrong with me (and no im not gay).

    The closest I've been to is through blowjobs, it does take a few minutes to get hard from it though but as soon as they stop i go soft. One girl was giving me a blowjob for 15minutes and we quickly tried to switch to sex but within the 15 seconds of changing position i was soft again.

    Anyways its come to the point where I no longer do anything with girls apart from perform oral on them etc, If they go to want to have sex I back away and get scared as I know I wont be able to get an erection.

    I am not sure whether I have something wrong with me as I can get an erection by myself when I watch porn, but I cant with a girl.

    I really don't want to have to start using viagra and let that be the only way for a 20 year old to have sex.
    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    The fact that you can get an erection when masturbating alone says that it's mental, not physical. Ditto that oral works too. What's happened is that - perfectly normally - you haven't had an erection when trying to lose your virginity and since then at least part of your mind has been going 'Oh noes!!111! What if I don't get one now? I'm not hard now!!!11! It won't happen...' This, to state the obvious, does not help and the more it happens, the more the cycle continues.

    So.. two possible routes. The first is using erection drugs. Once you've managed to do what you want with them, it should be easier to do so without. The second is accepting this is happening and not trying to push it - it will change. That means things like having oral, but not trying to rush to intercourse and, perhaps most importantly, not trying to have everything 'work' unless you are emotionally comfortable with what's going on. This may well mean being in a relationship rather than trying via more casual sex.
    • #3

    Listen there is nothing wrong with you, I had the same problem. What it is, is confidence. Like you I had couldn't get up when in came down to it in the bedroom. I was confused because I would get hard watching girls in porn but not face to face. what you need is a confidence booster my confidence boost was a viagra pill I only used it once and i've never had to use it again, when i finally had sex it showed me i can do it. Now im sure each time i will get up. If you have no problem getting boners to porn or women. the issue is confidence you only have to use a pill once and it will show you that you can do it.

    what makes it worse in this situation is that the more it happens the worse it gets because your always thinking its not going to go up and of course if you think that its not going to happen. use the pill to boost your confidence like i did only once and you will see the results. you wont have to use it again. changed my life.
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