Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Don't know if I can get past bf doing this. What would help ? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi. Me and my fiancé have been together 4 years and have a 1 year old daughter . We have had a fairly rocky relationship due to our age gap and all the baggage that brings (in 22 he's 37) last July whilst on holiday. I had a bad gut feeling. I looked in his phone and searched his exs name. I found messages from the start of our relationship. They met up Valentine's Day (apparently for her to say goodbye as it was over as her husband found out about their disgusting affair ) they both were telling eachother they loved each other . He gave her another email address to contact him on which is now deleted so I can't see what else was said. As far as I know contact stopped 2 months into our relationship. Many people may find this silly but it has crushed me . I feel like 2nd best, I feel lied to and used . As we were (or I thought we were ) falling in love he was sending these messages . He says he cannot recall this meeting at all but says it must of happened , he says nothing sexual happened for sure but he can't guarantee if he kissed her or not. He thinks I'm pathetic for not being over this .says it was at the start , that he couldn't switch his feelings off . I feel such a loss of feelings for him and I don't trust him. He thinks the solution is counselling as I have trust issues and other issues from my childhood ! I can't help but feel insulted . Thoughts ?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi. Me and my fiancé have been together 4 years and have a 1 year old daughter . We have had a fairly rocky relationship due to our age gap and all the baggage that brings (in 22 he's 37) last July whilst on holiday. I had a bad gut feeling. I looked in his phone and searched his exs name. I found messages from the start of our relationship. They met up Valentine's Day (apparently for her to say goodbye as it was over as her husband found out about their disgusting affair ) they both were telling eachother they loved each other . He gave her another email address to contact him on which is now deleted so I can't see what else was said. As far as I know contact stopped 2 months into our relationship. Many people may find this silly but it has crushed me . I feel like 2nd best, I feel lied to and used . As we were (or I thought we were ) falling in love he was sending these messages . He says he cannot recall this meeting at all but says it must of happened , he says nothing sexual happened for sure but he can't guarantee if he kissed her or not. He thinks I'm pathetic for not being over this .says it was at the start , that he couldn't switch his feelings off . I feel such a loss of feelings for him and I don't trust him. He thinks the solution is counselling as I have trust issues and other issues from my childhood ! I can't help but feel insulted . Thoughts ?
    well seeming as it was 2 months in, not a huge deal . Has he done anything in the past year?
    Also he went out with a 18 year old at 33 O.o
    • Section Leader
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi. Me and my fiancé have been together 4 years and have a 1 year old daughter . We have had a fairly rocky relationship due to our age gap and all the baggage that brings (in 22 he's 37) last July whilst on holiday. I had a bad gut feeling. I looked in his phone and searched his exs name. I found messages from the start of our relationship. They met up Valentine's Day (apparently for her to say goodbye as it was over as her husband found out about their disgusting affair ) they both were telling eachother they loved each other . He gave her another email address to contact him on which is now deleted so I can't see what else was said. As far as I know contact stopped 2 months into our relationship. Many people may find this silly but it has crushed me . I feel like 2nd best, I feel lied to and used . As we were (or I thought we were ) falling in love he was sending these messages . He says he cannot recall this meeting at all but says it must of happened , he says nothing sexual happened for sure but he can't guarantee if he kissed her or not. He thinks I'm pathetic for not being over this .says it was at the start , that he couldn't switch his feelings off . I feel such a loss of feelings for him and I don't trust him. He thinks the solution is counselling as I have trust issues and other issues from my childhood ! I can't help but feel insulted . Thoughts ?
    If there was a definite kiss than I wouldn't get over that. You wouldn't want your daughter thinking it was okay for a man to do that to her would you ? But you have to do your best to remain amicable for her sake. Could you perhaps take a break somehow and have the space to decide what to do ?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I honestly don't know how I would feel about that. Only you can really decide what you want to do about it. You clearly aren't sure how you feel about it which is why counselling is not a bad idea. Its not a case of there being something wrong with you that needs fixing. It can help you to understand your feelings.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 25, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.