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    I completely disagree with what a few teachers have said about a child in the child's school reports. And it's parents' evening tomorrow - any suggestions as to what I I can do?
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    I would suggest to try and get them to further explain what they have said. Don't feel embarrassed, it's the whole idea of parents' evening to ask about your child in any aspect you wish to, isn't it?
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    (Original post by Jay Caz)
    I would suggest to try and get them to further explain what they have said. Don't feel embarrassed, it's the whole idea of parents' evening to ask about your child in any aspect you wish to, isn't it?
    Yes that's true. Though it feels awkward to have already had one child go through the same school without any issues and relatively good grades/reports. I feel like they'll treat them differently if I say anything.
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    If you would like to give more details that could really help with the advice. Of course don't name names, but the nature of what was said and the age of your child could really help. Without that my response is below, I'm going to assume that the things they have said are negative:

    It's fine for you to say that you were surprised to read that, because it's very different to what you have seen and heard elsewhere. Ask them (in a nice way) to explain a bit more about what happens with some examples, and ask them what they think the cause might be and if there's anything you could possibly do to improve the situation.

    It's unlikely that they (especially multiple teachers) are lying about something that's happening, but they could be misinterpreting your child's intent or the cause. If you think that's what is happening, then it's also fine for you to calmly explain that. Say that you understand that your child could seem like X but actually you think it's this. If you have any particular things that really help that you do at home share them.

    Basically, it's fine to disagree and be open, just try not to seem like you're putting up a barrier - show that you are open to listen to what they have to say, and hear their suggestions. Doing this is not betraying your child or saying that you agree with what they say. It just makes things easier for the both of you and will help them be less defensive, and so more open to changing their mind if they are indeed wrong.
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    (Original post by kpwxx)
    If you would like to give more details that could really help with the advice. Of course don't name names, but the nature of what was said and the age of your child could really help. Without that my response is below, I'm going to assume that the things they have said are negative:

    It's fine for you to say that you were surprised to read that, because it's very different to what you have seen and heard elsewhere. Ask them (in a nice way) to explain a bit more about what happens with some examples, and ask them what they think the cause might be and if there's anything you could possibly do to improve the situation.

    It's unlikely that they (especially multiple teachers) are lying about something that's happening, but they could be misinterpreting your child's intent or the cause. If you think that's what is happening, then it's also fine for you to calmly explain that. Say that you understand that your child could seem like X but actually you think it's this. If you have any particular things that really help that you do at home share them.

    Basically, it's fine to disagree and be open, just try not to seem like you're putting up a barrier - show that you are open to listen to what they have to say, and hear their suggestions. Doing this is not betraying your child or saying that you agree with what they say. It just makes things easier for the both of you and will help them be less defensive, and so more open to changing their mind if they are indeed wrong.
    Thank you for your advice. Basically they are 15 and about to do GCSE. One subject has said there was no evidence of revision (yet they got the highest in their set?) and I specifically sat the child down to do revision with me the week before, so I can't really understand that at all! Also, their English grade has gone from a 5 to a 2 (in the new system where 1 is low and 9 is high) following their mock, yet in that mock they got a C which is at least a 4??

    I'm definitely going to mention it but it is getting me concerned as the child involved is easily demotivated if it seems their efforts are going unnoticed - which is what is happening. All I want to do is stop this from happening so he can perform well in the exams.
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    (Original post by AnonyMeAMA)
    Thank you for your advice. Basically they are 15 and about to do GCSE. One subject has said there was no evidence of revision (yet they got the highest in their set?) and I specifically sat the child down to do revision with me the week before, so I can't really understand that at all! Also, their English grade has gone from a 5 to a 2 (in the new system where 1 is low and 9 is high) following their mock, yet in that mock they got a C which is at least a 4??

    I'm definitely going to mention it but it is getting me concerned as the child involved is easily demotivated if it seems their efforts are going unnoticed - which is what is happening. All I want to do is stop this from happening so he can perform well in the exams.
    Thanks for the extra info! Here's what I'd do.

    Well it's great that there's such a specific thing you can say - you have literally done revision with them, so you know they are doing it. Perhaps you could say you know they are doing some as you have done it together, and you have seen that they are putting a lot of effort in. Ask how much roughly they should be doing at the moment and if there are any particular areas that they could work on to help boost their grade.

    With the 5 to 2 thing, I'd almost 'play dumb' a little - say that you understood their mock result was around a 4, so what is it that's bringing them down to a 2? Or what do they think will bring them down? It does seem a little odd, it's possible there was a typo, or if not the teacher must have some rather specific reason for moving the grade that much - perhaps it's to do with coursework, or a specific area they are performing less well in in class. Again, ask what areas they can work on to boost this.

    Lastly, I'm not sure if these are parents evenings where the child comes along, but if not then I would be frank with the teachers about your concerns regarding demotivation. Tell them that you see your child working hard but you know that they are easily thrown off if they get a lot of negative feedback. The teachers will of course want to continue to be honest with your child, but if they know that positive feedback is a real motivator for your child they can make an effort to give it a bit more than usual. They may also be able to give you some positives that you can go home and tell your child about (X said they were really pleased with your effort in this area...) that could help. If your child is there with you, just try to be positive yourself, the teacher may pick up on this and emulate it.

    Being concerned for your child like this certainly isn't a bad thing, teachers would only be upset if you were to march in all guns blazing shouting about how wrong they were and your child did loads of revision and they were rubbish. If you show them that you respect their role as your child's teacher and want to help, you're just trying to figure out what's not quite fitting together, they should be more than happy to help and open to listen to what you have to say.
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    (Original post by kpwxx)
    Thanks for the extra info! Here's what I'd do.

    Well it's great that there's such a specific thing you can say - you have literally done revision with them, so you know they are doing it. Perhaps you could say you know they are doing some as you have done it together, and you have seen that they are putting a lot of effort in. Ask how much roughly they should be doing at the moment and if there are any particular areas that they could work on to help boost their grade.

    With the 5 to 2 thing, I'd almost 'play dumb' a little - say that you understood their mock result was around a 4, so what is it that's bringing them down to a 2? Or what do they think will bring them down? It does seem a little odd, it's possible there was a typo, or if not the teacher must have some rather specific reason for moving the grade that much - perhaps it's to do with coursework, or a specific area they are performing less well in in class. Again, ask what areas they can work on to boost this.

    Lastly, I'm not sure if these are parents evenings where the child comes along, but if not then I would be frank with the teachers about your concerns regarding demotivation. Tell them that you see your child working hard but you know that they are easily thrown off if they get a lot of negative feedback. The teachers will of course want to continue to be honest with your child, but if they know that positive feedback is a real motivator for your child they can make an effort to give it a bit more than usual. They may also be able to give you some positives that you can go home and tell your child about (X said they were really pleased with your effort in this area...) that could help. If your child is there with you, just try to be positive yourself, the teacher may pick up on this and emulate it.

    Being concerned for your child like this certainly isn't a bad thing, teachers would only be upset if you were to march in all guns blazing shouting about how wrong they were and your child did loads of revision and they were rubbish. If you show them that you respect their role as your child's teacher and want to help, you're just trying to figure out what's not quite fitting together, they should be more than happy to help and open to listen to what you have to say.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't thank you enough for this. Just to clarify, it is one where the child comes along, so I'll just hope that the teachers sense what I am trying to get across.

    There's another teacher too who always compares their progress to that of other members in the class, and also when we've met the teacher in the past, they've never said anything positive. I find this extremely difficult to understand considering it is their favourite subject - so surely there is something good to say! We've had issues with this teacher in the past when an older sibling went through the school, and it is safe to say they ended up with A/A* grades even with these attitudes. The difference between the two is like I said above, this child is much more demotivated by certain comments, whereas the older one used to thrive off them.
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    (Original post by AnonyMeAMA)
    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't thank you enough for this. Just to clarify, it is one where the child comes along, so I'll just hope that the teachers sense what I am trying to get across.

    There's another teacher too who always compares their progress to that of other members in the class, and also when we've met the teacher in the past, they've never said anything positive. I find this extremely difficult to understand considering it is their favourite subject - so surely there is something good to say! We've had issues with this teacher in the past when an older sibling went through the school, and it is safe to say they ended up with A/A* grades even with these attitudes. The difference between the two is like I said above, this child is much more demotivated by certain comments, whereas the older one used to thrive off them.
    That must be frustrating! Perhaps in their head they are being positive, but not putting it across very well (for example, I had a teacher say I was an underachiever once. It really annoyed me at the time as I was getting a grade I was really pleased with for the subject. But looking back I can see they just meant "You are smart and I think you can get even better grades if you put in the effort!" At the time though, it seemed like an attack and that they were ignoring/unhappy with the work and effort I'd already put in). Maybe this teacher is like your older child and thrives from challenges/negative feedback, and so forgets that some others aren't like that. Either way, putting across to them clearly but in a positive way that your child is putting in effort will hopefully make them more positive.

    If this doesn't help over the next few weeks, while in general I'd advise caution when being negative about a teacher in front of a child, it may be worth mentioning to them that different people have different ways of teaching and feeding back, and everyone has their preferences, then giving the example of their sibling not getting on so well with this particular teacher but still working hard and getting on great. Also just in general keep doing what you're doing - supporting your child and being positive. If you can get some specific areas to work on for this particular subject, then it will be easier for you to point out to your child when they've improved so they can get some of the feedback they need from you.

    Also try not to worry too much, this experience can also be really helpful for your child. Try and show them how to be resilient and not let it get them down, and they can use that later in life when they may encounter a manager who does the same. Depending on how self-reflective your child is at the moment you might even want to discuss this openly with them.
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    (Original post by kpwxx)
    That must be frustrating! Perhaps in their head they are being positive, but not putting it across very well (for example, I had a teacher say I was an underachiever once. It really annoyed me at the time as I was getting a grade I was really pleased with for the subject. But looking back I can see they just meant "You are smart and I think you can get even better grades if you put in the effort!" At the time though, it seemed like an attack and that they were ignoring/unhappy with the work and effort I'd already put in). Maybe this teacher is like your older child and thrives from challenges/negative feedback, and so forgets that some others aren't like that. Either way, putting across to them clearly but in a positive way that your child is putting in effort will hopefully make them more positive.

    If this doesn't help over the next few weeks, while in general I'd advise caution when being negative about a teacher in front of a child, it may be worth mentioning to them that different people have different ways of teaching and feeding back, and everyone has their preferences, then giving the example of their sibling not getting on so well with this particular teacher but still working hard and getting on great. Also just in general keep doing what you're doing - supporting your child and being positive. If you can get some specific areas to work on for this particular subject, then it will be easier for you to point out to your child when they've improved so they can get some of the feedback they need from you.

    Also try not to worry too much, this experience can also be really helpful for your child. Try and show them how to be resilient and not let it get them down, and they can use that later in life when they may encounter a manager who does the same. Depending on how self-reflective your child is at the moment you might even want to discuss this openly with them.
    Thank you for giving up the time to give such detailed responses - it is very much appreciated! I will try and put into practice everything you have said today
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    (Original post by AnonyMeAMA)
    Thank you for giving up the time to give such detailed responses - it is very much appreciated! I will try and put into practice everything you have said today
    You're very welcome, I hope it helped at least a little!! And hope it went OK.
 
 
 
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