I started my undergraduate degree since September, and ever since, I have not only been missing home but my friends from home just as much. I moved abroad to London for the ''greater good''; studying at a good university, better job prospects in my desired field of work and so on.
However, even though that I undertake a joint degree (and therefore have friends in both departments), I often feel very lonely. Perhaps it may be the British culture (this is not meant in a bad way at all), but I feel that it is 1) hard to get to know people to the core and 2) build meaningful relationships. Whereas back home, I could laugh, cry and dance with my friends whenever we felt a desire to. Although some of my friends at university seem to care about me, I feel that the majority just sees me as ''another university fellow'' and does not even genuinely care about me. Perhaps this is only my interpretation of it due to my social insecurities, but I feel incredibly sad and jealous at the same time when I see people around me with filled diaries and several phone calls a day. Why is it that no one seems to approach me, and when someone approaches me, it is someone I do not have a click with (this has happened before)? I would just like some advice about hopefully making my studies more enjoyable, because at the moment, I am not experiencing the student life that I ever wished for so deeply. Equally, I have been trying to grow my social circles, but with so many people in London and my incredible shyness to talk to people, I find it hard to do this successfully.
Equally, my flatmates are amazing people who make me feel good about myself, but I am not sure about whether I can truly see them as friends, even though I hang out with them often. Perhaps it is only me, but is there no line to be drawn where you are only flatmates or genuine friends? After all, it seems more to me that everyone just has his/her own busy life and is not interested in meeting new people; this was kind of confirmed to me when I asked someone to hang out, and she ignored me permissively.
I am sorry for making such a long post and rambling on, but any advice on how to be happy at university would be greatly appreciated. Because, even though I am doing very well in what I am doing and I am at a great university, it is hard for me to only focus on those facts in order to be happy.
Lonely at university Watch
- Thread Starter
- 27-01-2017 15:30
- 28-01-2017 00:27
Friendships take time- a lot longer than you think. What I may say may sound harsh but I mean it with bets intentions
Firstly- YOU need to be proactive and approach people rather than waiting for them to find you. No one will otherwise and you'll be stuck in a cycle of lonliness.
Don't judge people immediately if you don't "click". You might click later once you get to know them. Be more open minded about the people you meet.
I know a lot of people who do this but I think it is detrimental to your progress- don't keep thinking about your friends at home and comparing them to people at uni. Reminscing makes it soooo much harder to accept the present and make new connections. No one is going to be like your friends at home and that's okay. You find new ways to connect with new people- neither of them being better or worse than home. It's akin to living with ghosts ygm? So I always suggest limiting contact abit and really trying to immerse yourself in your life at uni.
"After all, it seems more to me that everyone just has his/her own busy life and is not interested in meeting new people; this
was kind of confirmed to me when I asked someone to hang out, and she ignored me permissively."
This isn't true. MOST people are up for meeting new people and making friends and are friendly enough- ofcourse there will be the odd person who doesn't want to hang out/ is rude/ignores you/ is happy enough without making new friends but try not to get disheartend. I've met many people like this and they are the minority; you've got to keep trying and switch up your tactics.
General advice is to regularly go to clubs and societies you have interest in and you will always naturally have a conversation starter. You progress to adding them on facebook and even popping up when you're comfortable to ask things, talking about stuff you heard/saw etc. View EVERYONE as potential friends and put max effort into remembering stuff about them, continuning conversation and jist being nice- even in small groups.
Alot of this is getting out of your bubble. It will feel uncomfortable and stressful sometimes but it's part of growing up