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i don't know if i have depression or i'm just trying to convince myself i do? Watch

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    hi,

    i've been feeling really anxious about the topic of depression really and it's like a part of my life i've never addressed properly and always hangs over me. i'm really 80% sure i had depression when i was 14 (im in year 12 now). reading my diary and thinking about stuff then, i remember i withdrew from people, felt disconnected from my life ('floating through time', thought my life was going to be a failure and i'd never achieve anything, had low self-esteem, thought everyone else was better than me, had no motivation to do anything, etc. the thing is, i've got so much better since then, particularly in my gcse year. 2014 was the worst year of my life, but 2016 was the best year.

    i'm just trying really hard to think about my feelings objectively. i became so much happier in year 11 and so far in year 12, but right now i'm not feeling my best and this happens to me about every two weeks. everything is going fine and then suddenly i snap and feel bad about myself, can't do as much homework or revise and then feel even worse, feel like i'm going to be like this forever and fail in school, talk less to my friends, am tired all the time, find it hard to get out of bed (but idk if it's just because it's winter and dark), etc. then suddenly after a few days, i pick up again and everything's fine for a few weeks.

    i also find my legs ache when i'm stressed and i've had some moments of anxiety, e.g. a while ago i fell asleep without wanting to (in bed in the evening) and woke up and had a panic attack (crying uncontrollably, couldn't think straight) and felt shaky and anxious the whole night, which has never happened to me before. i also have panic attacks when i have bad period cramps but idk if that's related. i also found at the start of year 12 i had to read stuff out in class and got really panicky and felt like i couldn't breathe even though i'm generally confident about reading in class and read well.

    i know this is really long and rambly but i just really want to know if anyone finds the same as me? the thing is that now my confidence is generally a lot higher, i don't care about how i look as much and i'm confident in my own abilities. i just feel like i always need to be better than i am right now and i've kind of started defining my self worth by how much homework/revision i'm doing, which i know is unhealthy. i'm eating the same as usual and do not want to hurt myself in any way. i've just had this feeling for a long time now that i almost have depression but don't really, because i've been able to cope, get good gcse grades and stay on top in school. any opinions on this/does anyone feel the same?? i almost feel like i'm just anxious about doing well in school and that's it or i want to explain away my own failings by getting a solid explanation
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hi,

    i've been feeling really anxious about the topic of depression really and it's like a part of my life i've never addressed properly and always hangs over me. i'm really 80% sure i had depression when i was 14 (im in year 12 now). reading my diary and thinking about stuff then, i remember i withdrew from people, felt disconnected from my life ('floating through time', thought my life was going to be a failure and i'd never achieve anything, had low self-esteem, thought everyone else was better than me, had no motivation to do anything, etc. the thing is, i've got so much better since then, particularly in my gcse year. 2014 was the worst year of my life, but 2016 was the best year.

    i'm just trying really hard to think about my feelings objectively. i became so much happier in year 11 and so far in year 12, but right now i'm not feeling my best and this happens to me about every two weeks. everything is going fine and then suddenly i snap and feel bad about myself, can't do as much homework or revise and then feel even worse, feel like i'm going to be like this forever and fail in school, talk less to my friends, am tired all the time, find it hard to get out of bed (but idk if it's just because it's winter and dark), etc. then suddenly after a few days, i pick up again and everything's fine for a few weeks.

    i also find my legs ache when i'm stressed and i've had some moments of anxiety, e.g. a while ago i fell asleep without wanting to (in bed in the evening) and woke up and had a panic attack (crying uncontrollably, couldn't think straight) and felt shaky and anxious the whole night, which has never happened to me before. i also have panic attacks when i have bad period cramps but idk if that's related. i also found at the start of year 12 i had to read stuff out in class and got really panicky and felt like i couldn't breathe even though i'm generally confident about reading in class and read well.

    i know this is really long and rambly but i just really want to know if anyone finds the same as me? the thing is that now my confidence is generally a lot higher, i don't care about how i look as much and i'm confident in my own abilities. i just feel like i always need to be better than i am right now and i've kind of started defining my self worth by how much homework/revision i'm doing, which i know is unhealthy. i'm eating the same as usual and do not want to hurt myself in any way. i've just had this feeling for a long time now that i almost have depression but don't really, because i've been able to cope, get good gcse grades and stay on top in school. any opinions on this/does anyone feel the same?? i almost feel like i'm just anxious about doing well in school and that's it or i want to explain away my own failings by getting a solid explanation
    Generally my policy is that if somebody is having to question if they have depression they have at least something going on.

    I suggest you take a look at sites like mind.org and sane.org if you haven't already and make an appointment to see your doctor. You can also talk to your school about it and they should be able to help you out a bit. They will probably have somebody you can talk to like a counsellor and they can give you a bit of help or just a bit of space and understanding so when you are having issues school work isn't making it worse.

    It certainly sounds like you may have depression, but weather you do or don't there is definitely something wrong. You don't have to be sitting here waiting to work out that you do or waiting for something serious enough to happen before you can get help. If you feel like there is something wrong it's enough for you to go get support.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hi,

    i've been feeling really anxious about the topic of depression really and it's like a part of my life i've never addressed properly and always hangs over me. i'm really 80% sure i had depression when i was 14 (im in year 12 now). reading my diary and thinking about stuff then, i remember i withdrew from people, felt disconnected from my life ('floating through time', thought my life was going to be a failure and i'd never achieve anything, had low self-esteem, thought everyone else was better than me, had no motivation to do anything, etc. the thing is, i've got so much better since then, particularly in my gcse year. 2014 was the worst year of my life, but 2016 was the best year.

    i'm just trying really hard to think about my feelings objectively. i became so much happier in year 11 and so far in year 12, but right now i'm not feeling my best and this happens to me about every two weeks. everything is going fine and then suddenly i snap and feel bad about myself, can't do as much homework or revise and then feel even worse, feel like i'm going to be like this forever and fail in school, talk less to my friends, am tired all the time, find it hard to get out of bed (but idk if it's just because it's winter and dark), etc. then suddenly after a few days, i pick up again and everything's fine for a few weeks.

    i also find my legs ache when i'm stressed and i've had some moments of anxiety, e.g. a while ago i fell asleep without wanting to (in bed in the evening) and woke up and had a panic attack (crying uncontrollably, couldn't think straight) and felt shaky and anxious the whole night, which has never happened to me before. i also have panic attacks when i have bad period cramps but idk if that's related. i also found at the start of year 12 i had to read stuff out in class and got really panicky and felt like i couldn't breathe even though i'm generally confident about reading in class and read well.

    i know this is really long and rambly but i just really want to know if anyone finds the same as me? the thing is that now my confidence is generally a lot higher, i don't care about how i look as much and i'm confident in my own abilities. i just feel like i always need to be better than i am right now and i've kind of started defining my self worth by how much homework/revision i'm doing, which i know is unhealthy. i'm eating the same as usual and do not want to hurt myself in any way. i've just had this feeling for a long time now that i almost have depression but don't really, because i've been able to cope, get good gcse grades and stay on top in school. any opinions on this/does anyone feel the same?? i almost feel like i'm just anxious about doing well in school and that's it or i want to explain away my own failings by getting a solid explanation
    No point in asking anyone here, no one here is a doctor.

    Get down to your GP.

    I couple of years ago I diagonsosed myself to have aids and depression.
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    I feel you...
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    it sounds like you're really hard on yourself, and you obviously have good intellect to have such good insight into the way you're feeling. I don't think you sound depressed as such, but maybe just your body's reaction to stress of college and the anxiety that goes with it.

    I agree with kindred that if you're worried you should seek some help, but you could try CBT sessions online to help with your coping strategies and maybe mindfulness or relaxation techniques such as yoga can help with anxiety.

    your body starts to manifest the anxiety felt within physically so it's good to learn ways to control it earlier on when you can adapt your thought processes and coping mechanisms hope you're feeling better soon
 
 
 
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