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Inappropriate male housemate Watch

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    I've always lived with male housemates (I'm a girl) and have never had any problems. Rarely lock my bedroom door as I struggle with the lock and trust my housemates fully. Only lock it when we have people I don't know stay.

    One of the guys I live with ATM is a really good friend but he can be inappropriate. He often touches me when I've said no. Nothing sinister just hugs and a hand on my shoulder. I know he thinks he's being comforting when I come home from a long day at work but I don't like being touched.

    We went travelling together over summer and shared rooms and there were no issues really. He did slap my bum once and I punched him because I'd already said I didn't like it but he doesn't really understand. It's like he doesn't have a concept of personal space.

    Anyway a few months ago it was my birthday and he decided to get high. I don't like drugs and was pretty annoyed that he and other housemates were doing them in the house. Well he gets too drunk and high and I end up having to spend my whole birthday night sorting him out and he keeps grabbing my bum. I put it down to his state and have brought it up since with him but I'm still not sure he gets the gravity of it. And just now I woke up to find him in my room. I have locked my room and will now always lock it. No longer feel safe and I am definitely doubting the friendship. I feel like I have missed so many red flags and put it down to the fact he has a lack of social skills. But now I feel scared in my own house

    Sorry for long post but does anyone have any advice on how I should bring up the subject with him in the morning so he understands the gravity of the situation, and how I can begin to feel safe again? Moving out is not an option due to financial situation and I don't have close friends outside my house I could stay with.
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    That sounds quite creepy how he just came into your room while you were asleep. I would definitely be careful and make sure to lock the door when you go to the bathroom or bedroom.
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    Yeah that sounds like a potential rapist in the making. Keep locking your door and maybe yell at him if he looks like he's going to do it again. Also keep a blunt object nearby that you can whack him over the head with in worst case scenario. Is there anyone you can report him to? Like uni security or something? They tend to deal with these types quite swiftly.
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    (Original post by Mistletoe)
    Yeah that sounds like a potential rapist in the making. Keep locking your door and maybe yell at him if he looks like he's going to do it again. Also keep a blunt object nearby that you can whack him over the head with in worst case scenario. Is there anyone you can report him to? Like uni security or something? They tend to deal with these types quite swiftly.
    Thanks for the advice. I shall definitely bear it in mind and talk to the student team on Monday. Cheers!
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    (Original post by dindu)
    That sounds quite creepy how he just came into your room while you were asleep. I would definitely be careful and make sure to lock the door when you go to the bathroom or bedroom.
    Thanks for the advice. I know it's really creepy but it helps to have people confirm it as my I've had housemates say I overreact to things he does and it makes me doubt myself!
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    (Original post by BumbleBea94)
    I've always lived with male housemates (I'm a girl) and have never had any problems. Rarely lock my bedroom door as I struggle with the lock and trust my housemates fully. Only lock it when we have people I don't know stay.

    One of the guys I live with ATM is a really good friend but he can be inappropriate. He often touches me when I've said no. Nothing sinister just hugs and a hand on my shoulder. I know he thinks he's being comforting when I come home from a long day at work but I don't like being touched.

    We went travelling together over summer and shared rooms and there were no issues really. He did slap my bum once and I punched him because I'd already said I didn't like it but he doesn't really understand. It's like he doesn't have a concept of personal space.

    Anyway a few months ago it was my birthday and he decided to get high. I don't like drugs and was pretty annoyed that he and other housemates were doing them in the house. Well he gets too drunk and high and I end up having to spend my whole birthday night sorting him out and he keeps grabbing my bum. I put it down to his state and have brought it up since with him but I'm still not sure he gets the gravity of it. And just now I woke up to find him in my room. I have locked my room and will now always lock it. No longer feel safe and I am definitely doubting the friendship. I feel like I have missed so many red flags and put it down to the fact he has a lack of social skills. But now I feel scared in my own house

    Sorry for long post but does anyone have any advice on how I should bring up the subject with him in the morning so he understands the gravity of the situation, and how I can begin to feel safe again? Moving out is not an option due to financial situation and I don't have close friends outside my house I could stay with.
    Tell him to keep his willy in his pants.
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    Wants to smash clearly , cant take the hint though.
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    (Original post by kennedyuniverse)
    Tell him to keep his willy in his pants.
    Haha solid advice! I think I needed that after the night I've had. Cheered me up tons, thanks!
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    (Original post by TSR Mustafa)
    Wants to smash clearly , cant take the hint though.
    lmao
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    (Original post by TSR Mustafa)
    Wants to smash clearly , cant take the hint though.
    Haha. Clearly being to subtle even though I have downright said three times.
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    (Original post by BumbleBea94)
    Thanks for the advice. I know it's really creepy but it helps to have people confirm it as my I've had housemates say I overreact to things he does and it makes me doubt myself!
    You're not overreacting at all. Only you can say what you find creepy; never let anyone decide what is and isn't appropriate, you must be the judge of that for yourself. Locking the door is a good idea for now, but really can only be a temporary solution - you must be able to feel comfortable and safe in your own home. I would definitely speak to the student team about this, but in the mean time, continue to be calm, but firm when telling him to leave you alone.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    You're not overreacting at all. Only you can say what you find creepy; never let anyone decide what is and isn't appropriate, you must be the judge of that for yourself. Locking the door is a good idea for now, but really can only be a temporary solution - you must be able to feel comfortable and safe in your own home. I would definitely speak to the student team about this, but in the mean time, continue to be calm, but firm when telling him to leave you alone.
    Thanks for the advice. The support is really appreciated, especially tonight when I'm feeling a little vulnerable
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    (Original post by BumbleBea94)
    Thanks for the advice. The support is really appreciated, especially tonight when I'm feeling a little vulnerable
    No problem. I'm very much the same with being seen as overreacting to personal boundaries (I hate hugs for example), but as I tell people, I'm not overreacting, I'm just making clear what I personally find comfortable. If you need to talk about it after seeing the student team or indeed you just need to talk about it now, just PM me.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    No problem. I'm very much the same with being seen as overreacting to personal boundaries (I hate hugs for example), but as I tell people, I'm not overreacting, I'm just making clear what I personally find comfortable. If you need to talk about it after seeing the student team or indeed you just need to talk about it now, just PM me.
    Thanks so much! It's nice to know I'm not the only person who's not a fan of physical contact! Anyway I am going to hopefully try and get back to sleep so goodnight!
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    Say it to him. He may somehow think you are just playing hard to get or enjoy "being a tease" so make sure he actually understands that you are dead serious about that.
    Tell him that he's freaking you out too, when I had a guy hitting up on me despite me saying no all the time he eventually stopped after realising that I genuinely think he could harm me. I think men tend to take that kind of stuff seriously and accusing him of being a potential rapist may do the deed for you
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    (Original post by Nottie)
    Say it to him. He may somehow think you are just playing hard to get or enjoy "being a tease" so make sure he actually understands that you are dead serious about that.
    Tell him that he's freaking you out too, when I had a guy hitting up on me despite me saying no all the time he eventually stopped after realising that I genuinely think he could harm me. I think men tend to take that kind of stuff seriously and accusing him of being a potential rapist may do the deed for you
    Thanks that's really helpful. I'm going to make sure he knows that if anything else happens I'm filing a complaint with the university and not just talking to student advice centre.
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    (Original post by BumbleBea94)
    I've always lived with male housemates (I'm a girl) and have never had any problems. Rarely lock my bedroom door as I struggle with the lock and trust my housemates fully. Only lock it when we have people I don't know stay.

    One of the guys I live with ATM is a really good friend but he can be inappropriate. He often touches me when I've said no. Nothing sinister just hugs and a hand on my shoulder. I know he thinks he's being comforting when I come home from a long day at work but I don't like being touched.

    We went travelling together over summer and shared rooms and there were no issues really. He did slap my bum once and I punched him because I'd already said I didn't like it but he doesn't really understand. It's like he doesn't have a concept of personal space.

    Anyway a few months ago it was my birthday and he decided to get high. I don't like drugs and was pretty annoyed that he and other housemates were doing them in the house. Well he gets too drunk and high and I end up having to spend my whole birthday night sorting him out and he keeps grabbing my bum. I put it down to his state and have brought it up since with him but I'm still not sure he gets the gravity of it. And just now I woke up to find him in my room. I have locked my room and will now always lock it. No longer feel safe and I am definitely doubting the friendship. I feel like I have missed so many red flags and put it down to the fact he has a lack of social skills. But now I feel scared in my own house

    Sorry for long post but does anyone have any advice on how I should bring up the subject with him in the morning so he understands the gravity of the situation, and how I can begin to feel safe again? Moving out is not an option due to financial situation and I don't have close friends outside my house I could stay with.

    You can lock your door which is a good thing. You have to talk to him but in a way that doesnt poison the atmosphere. Just ell him his behaviour in invading your space is starting to make you feel uncomfy and that he needs to take heed because its stressing you out and you dont wnat things to deteriorate between you.

    Get him to agree not to touch you, then next time he does, get up and make a point of it. he may be drunk at which point get up , remind him he had promised not to and go to your room. he is either going to pay attention or not.

    If not then you should consider leaving or ask him to leave and find a replacement for the flat.
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    Report that b****.
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    id do what the other people said. Definitely lock your door. And I know it might sound silly but I would keep a record of some kind of what he's done and I would be careful around him, something doesn't seem right... he kinda sounds like a pervert.
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    (Original post by BumbleBea94)
    I've always lived with male housemates (I'm a girl) and have never had any problems. Rarely lock my bedroom door as I struggle with the lock and trust my housemates fully. Only lock it when we have people I don't know stay.

    One of the guys I live with ATM is a really good friend but he can be inappropriate. He often touches me when I've said no. Nothing sinister just hugs and a hand on my shoulder. I know he thinks he's being comforting when I come home from a long day at work but I don't like being touched.

    We went travelling together over summer and shared rooms and there were no issues really. He did slap my bum once and I punched him because I'd already said I didn't like it but he doesn't really understand. It's like he doesn't have a concept of personal space.

    Anyway a few months ago it was my birthday and he decided to get high. I don't like drugs and was pretty annoyed that he and other housemates were doing them in the house. Well he gets too drunk and high and I end up having to spend my whole birthday night sorting him out and he keeps grabbing my bum. I put it down to his state and have brought it up since with him but I'm still not sure he gets the gravity of it. And just now I woke up to find him in my room. I have locked my room and will now always lock it. No longer feel safe and I am definitely doubting the friendship. I feel like I have missed so many red flags and put it down to the fact he has a lack of social skills. But now I feel scared in my own house

    Sorry for long post but does anyone have any advice on how I should bring up the subject with him in the morning so he understands the gravity of the situation, and how I can begin to feel safe again? Moving out is not an option due to financial situation and I don't have close friends outside my house I could stay with.

    sit him down, give him a stern clear warning that you'll report him if he does it again and if he does report him
 
 
 
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