Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 2.5 years we're both 21. Long story short, we've had problems with our relationship for a while (down to my fault). We've been on a three week break where we have barely spoken and technically she thinks she's single.
This weekend I came to stay with her to try to work our issues out and last night she went out with her friends (I went to my friends house near her place for the evening). I got back about 1:30 and she got back at 2:30. She comes in blind drunk and passes out on the floor (part of the reason we broke up was that she thought I was being controlling).
She tells me she's kissed someone, eventually she admits it was a drinking game where she had ice passed to her from a guy's mouth. I am totally disgusted by this and don't think I'll be able to trust her again. I've spoken to her and she doesn't think what she did was wrong and thinks that it was just a drunk game.
I feel betrayed and humiliated and am 50/50 on dumping her here. She is an amazing girl and before this has been 100% trustworthy and I truly love her but don't think I'll be able to get over what she's done as it clearly shows lack of respect. On the other hand we were basically on a break... but the whole reason I'm here is to make things better and she's basically thrown it back in my face.
Am I overreacting?
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- 29-01-2017 11:12
- 29-01-2017 11:21
There's only one man for this case...
- 29-01-2017 11:41
Well technically you two were on a break and she was drunk. You said you trusted her before so maybe it's just this one time and if you want to still be with her you'll have to forget it and move on but make sure you make it clear to her she can't repeat anything like this or you'll be walking from her.
You also say you won't be able to trust her so why stay with someone you can't trust as that will only create more arguments and you both may not be happy.
The choice is yours either forgive her and move on or walk away.
- 29-01-2017 11:50
You both should have sat down and discussed the term 'break' so that both of you knew exactly what was allowed and what wasn't. If she has interpreted a 'break' as kissing other dudes then obviously she think's she's right, but you should disclose to her that a break doesn't mean this.
Honestly though if you truly love each other, ask yourself, would you do the same to her? Maybe she isn't the one, or maybe it's just a bump in the road. It depends on how you both feel. Have a one to one conversation with her and ask her if there is still anything between you. I recommend let her off this one because everyone deserves a second chance, make it clear that not a third, fourth or fifth exists.
- 29-01-2017 22:19
Thanks for comments.
It's not so much the the that happened that bothers me. It's that she's such a loyal girl and she would never usually even consider doing anything like this. I blame myself because when I saw her before she went out we had a big argument and the reason she got so drunk was because of that.
It's hard to take my mind of what she's done. Even though it meant nothing and she was just drunk I am not good at getting over stuff and tend to focus on things that are best forgotten.
- 30-01-2017 10:13
Have you never seen friends? You need to be pretty clear on the conditions of a 'break' - if she thought she was basically single then she probably thought she was allowed to do what she wanted and if this is out of character then actually what it shows is that she was probably really upset and that's why she acted the way she did
That said the fact she doesn't think it's a big deal 'only a drunk game' would really concern me - I don't want my partner kissing anyone during a 'drunk game' and I wouldn't do it myself... personally if I was in her position where I thought I was single and kissed someone and then realised my relationship still had a chance I'd be grovelling and apologising, not downplaying what I did
- 30-01-2017 12:24
Posting anonymously because gf will probably track me down somehow!
I've had an almost identical problem though OP. Similar thing happened last autumn, she gets very very drunk, kisses 2 of her male friends (not passionately apparently, but still). She's distraught the next morning and genuinely apologetic etc, I forgive her primarily because I worry about her mental health post break up etc and I'm slightly past caring about the relationship and would be upset to have lost a friend in a break up but not necessarily a girlfriend idk. Anyway I say she's going to have to reconsider how much she drinks and that I can't trust her again while she's drunk for a while then she plays the controlling card, hmm...
Anyway I'm still with her and it's a chore sometimes but there's still something there. My advice to you is honestly to think very hard about ending it with her, nobody deserves to have to put up with it and it's only going to grind you down in the next few months and years.
- 30-01-2017 14:09
She didn't actually kiss anyone. It was a dare and a guy out ice between his teeth and she leant in and took it out of his mouth. She was so drunk she actually ate the ice. Actually feel disgusted when I think about it tbh.
The most upsetting part is that I know she wouldn't have done it if we hadn't had an argument before she went out. The last thing I said to her before I left to go to my friends was "what the f*** is wrong with you."
Literally killing myself inside knowing that I could of prevented this if I wasn't so mean before she went out. She got really drunk because of our argument. So disappointed.
- 31-01-2017 21:57
Any other opinions. Feel pretty devastated by this... trying to work out whether to leave her or try to get over it.
- 31-01-2017 21:59
If your relationship hasn't been going to the max, and you don't think that you can handle it anymore, then please don't strain yourself.