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URGENT: Intense friend drama making me sick!! Watch

    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by _Charlotte15)
    If he's a close friend you should have no fear of him revealing any of your secrets. I think you should get him on his own and just make him aware that you aren't in to the things he is and explain how uncomfortable you feel with him forcing these things upon you and he should understand. If you distance yourself more, he will also be less inclined to ask you to participate in things that you don't want to.
    Thank you. You're right, and i will try and address these issues with X. I'm going to try and remove myself from the position of being his "go to guy", it's costing me all my sanity
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Just break it down into its componmponent parts.


    1. What should matter to you are your studies amd future happiness Anything that threatens those should be avoided or removed from your life.

    2. X was a friend but he isnt behaving as one now. have a word with him and see if he wnats to talk. If he doesnt write him a note or send an e-mail. It should say soemthing like you are friends and you would like to stay that way but recently he has been asking you to do things which you dont wnat to, when all you really want is to do well at school and stay out of trouble. Tell him to please stop asking you to do thse things as you will say no and you arent interested. If he then carries on drop him and if he spread rumours he spreads rumours. Its not worth your future.

    3. A and B you shouldnt have had the heart to ehart with them as talking behind X's back has made it worse. Tell them you are bord of the drama and its all very stressful. You like being their friend but your studies come first. For the moment you are still friends with X. Your studies come first and you hate being in he middle. You will try and stay friends with both, but you wont get involved any more. If they dont wnat to be friends that that would be a shame, but youve told your parents you will study and you don have time for all the falling out.

    Then just get on with your studies and be prepared to drop A , B and X.
    Thank you immensely for this practical guide on how to address my situation. You've deffo summed up everything that I need to do, to try and save myself from any more of this drama. My fear was that I'll end up with no friends, as even though X is out of control, at least he's someone to sit with/etc. But I can see how messing up my future is 1000 X worse than feeling alone in sixth form
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry for what you've been through. I can't even begin to imagine how that can feel. It scares me because I can see my situation spiralling into something as horrific as that.

    I wish I could reach out somehow. Xx
    Still keeps me up at night :erm:

    I hope you sort it out, sorry I couldn't be more helpful. xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you immensely for this practical guide on how to address my situation. You've deffo summed up everything that I need to do, to try and save myself from any more of this drama. My fear was that I'll end up with no friends, as even though X is out of control, at least he's someone to sit with/etc. But I can see how messing up my future is 1000 X worse than feeling alone in sixth form
    With X and with A and B you need to point out the terms of your friendship. You wnat to be friends , but not at any price. Its not unreasonable not to want to be involved in fights, refuse to take drugs or spoil your studies. Give them the chance and if they wont respect it then thats their choice and you are better off without them.
    Stop getting involved in drama. You will survive without them. You will make new friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so so much, your wise words mean so much to me. I think the worst part of this is the sympathy & care I have for X. It's like I feel I have to be there for him, just so he doesn't do something stupid. But he takes it for granted, constantly threatening to "expose" my secrets. And then the next day he's trying to drag me down with him. He's like a walking tornado trying to suck me in. I've definitely learned that you can't really trust anyone. I never would have guessed X could be like this but then again I never would have thought A & B would be such fake friends. It's just good to know that there are wise, genuine, nice people -like yourself & the other responses on this thread - out there in the world. Thank you for taking the time to help. Going forward, should I just try and distance myself (gradually) from X. How do I stay strong when he tries to pursuade me to do bad stuff? Also, how do I get rid of these feelings of guilt & anxiety. Guilt for telling A & B about X, and anxiety for what he's gonna do next.
    That's always very difficult to judge. Usually you can tell how good a friend someone will be by the amount of times they trash talk or gossip about other people to you, or by how often they propell rumours they heard from someone else. Try not to talk about a close friend's issues with another close friend - in theory this should be a perfectly safe move if you're discussing a mutual friend that you want to help together - but in my experience the other person doesn't know how/when to keep their mouth shut

    I can't really help with the guilt I'm afraid. You made a wrong move, but now you can learn from it in the future.

    Realistically, the only thing X can do is expose all of your secrets... in which case, you can expose all of his. If he's smart, I don't think he'll do it. As for when my friends want me to do something I don't want to... I just say no. I don't give an explanation past "I don't want to". If he wants to be rude, threatening or physical after that, leave the room/stop answering his messages.
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    (Original post by beale undo)
    X and Y this looked like a maths equation
    Tsr can handle this :rofl:
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in year 12 and A-levels have been a struggle. I really need to focus on my studies right now but drama at school within my friendship group is all that's on my mind and it's making me physically sick.

    Basically I have one friend X who has really changed this year. He's doing bad, stupid, just awful things and I know about all of it coz he confessed. We're part of a bigger friendship group and there's loads of history there but let's leave that for now. Anyway, start of year 12 everyone's getting on. Then all of this starts and it just descends into chaos.

    I was so worried about X, he's really in a downwards spiral, literally spinning out of control. The worst part is he has no intention of changing or making it right.

    Word gets out about X and rumours start swirling. I have a heart to heart with our mutual friends A and B, and tell them bits of what's going on because I'm so worried about X. They take it completely the wrong way and have a huge fall out with X because they don't want to be dragged down by him too.

    At this point I'm feeling like torn and a two faced beast. On one hand I'm being nice to X and trying to support him (even though I'm scared of him and what he does) and then also trying to be on A and B's side. X doesn't know that I told A & B about him and he'd go mad if he ever found out.

    I feel so wrapped up in all this. X keeps peer pressuring me to join him in his evil ways and trying to corrupt me (to do drugs, skip school, etc) and I am COMPLETELY not like that. But he's so forceful and intimidating and doesn't take no for an answer (he physically drags you). I'm scared of him & don't want anything to do with this but if I were to get away from him or anything, he would go mad and start exposing secrets of mine (trust me he's that kind of person).

    So I feel trapped with X but don't want to be a part of his bad deeds. I feel distant & alienated from A & B (they're wary of me and keep away from me because I hang around with/support X).

    I feel paranoid, obsessed, anxious, nervous. It's so stupid, I wish there was a way I could just flip the off switch and convince myself this is all meaningless rubbish.

    What can I do? I literally want to forget about all this and focus on my studies, does anyone have any advice on how I can solve this huge mess I've got myself into?


    I'm so sorry for this huge text, I've literally been hung up over this for ages

    It's really good you've tried sticking with your friend. Well done. A and B don't sound like good friends right now, if my friend had a drug problem I don't think I'd leave them! I'd be like you, pulling them through it. Now, the way you describe X as being quite harsh and the kind of guy who exposes secrets, I can understand why after a while they may feel like he's really difficult. He definitely shouldn't be forcing you into doing anything AT ALL. That makes me worried for you! You should not be scared of your friends!

    I'm lucky enough to have an incredibly supportive family so the first thing I would do is explain it to them in depth, carefully. If they're sensible they won't do anything without telling you, but it would be good to hear the opinion of someone who knows the situation.

    Is there anyone at your school who you trust ? Someone who knows both of you ? The difficulty with telling teachers is that's they may want to act without considering your opinion or understanding what would happen if you did act. But if there is any adult or older sibling who you love and trust, ask them for support and their opinions.

    Your education is of utmost importance, and this would be a complicated extenuating circumstance to explain to a university if your grades do fall.

    Find the best places for advice, and most of all, take care of yourself!
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    I'm not in year 12?????
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    (Original post by beale undo)
    Anon is LisaNikita and she is xobeauty
    My school is all girls XD
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in year 12 and A-levels have been a struggle. I really need to focus on my studies right now but drama at school within my friendship group is all that's on my mind and it's making me physically sick.

    Basically I have one friend X who has really changed this year. He's doing bad, stupid, just awful things and I know about all of it coz he confessed. We're part of a bigger friendship group and there's loads of history there but let's leave that for now. Anyway, start of year 12 everyone's getting on. Then all of this starts and it just descends into chaos.

    I was so worried about X, he's really in a downwards spiral, literally spinning out of control. The worst part is he has no intention of changing or making it right.

    Word gets out about X and rumours start swirling. I have a heart to heart with our mutual friends A and B, and tell them bits of what's going on because I'm so worried about X. They take it completely the wrong way and have a huge fall out with X because they don't want to be dragged down by him too.

    At this point I'm feeling like torn and a two faced beast. On one hand I'm being nice to X and trying to support him (even though I'm scared of him and what he does) and then also trying to be on A and B's side. X doesn't know that I told A & B about him and he'd go mad if he ever found out.

    I feel so wrapped up in all this. X keeps peer pressuring me to join him in his evil ways and trying to corrupt me (to do drugs, skip school, etc) and I am COMPLETELY not like that. But he's so forceful and intimidating and doesn't take no for an answer (he physically drags you). I'm scared of him & don't want anything to do with this but if I were to get away from him or anything, he would go mad and start exposing secrets of mine (trust me he's that kind of person).

    So I feel trapped with X but don't want to be a part of his bad deeds. I feel distant & alienated from A & B (they're wary of me and keep away from me because I hang around with/support X).

    I feel paranoid, obsessed, anxious, nervous. It's so stupid, I wish there was a way I could just flip the off switch and convince myself this is all meaningless rubbish.

    What can I do? I literally want to forget about all this and focus on my studies, does anyone have any advice on how I can solve this huge mess I've got myself into?


    I'm so sorry for this huge text, I've literally been hung up over this for ages
    I think you shouldn't have friends in year 12 or 13 especially if they dont share the same values as you eg university
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    (Original post by beale undo)
    Anon is LisaNikita and she is xobeauty
    Excuse me?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in year 12 and A-levels have been a struggle. I really need to focus on my studies right now but drama at school within my friendship group is all that's on my mind and it's making me physically sick.

    Basically I have one friend X who has really changed this year. He's doing bad, stupid, just awful things and I know about all of it coz he confessed. We're part of a bigger friendship group and there's loads of history there but let's leave that for now. Anyway, start of year 12 everyone's getting on. Then all of this starts and it just descends into chaos.

    I was so worried about X, he's really in a downwards spiral, literally spinning out of control. The worst part is he has no intention of changing or making it right.

    Word gets out about X and rumours start swirling. I have a heart to heart with our mutual friends A and B, and tell them bits of what's going on because I'm so worried about X. They take it completely the wrong way and have a huge fall out with X because they don't want to be dragged down by him too.

    At this point I'm feeling like torn and a two faced beast. On one hand I'm being nice to X and trying to support him (even though I'm scared of him and what he does) and then also trying to be on A and B's side. X doesn't know that I told A & B about him and he'd go mad if he ever found out.

    I feel so wrapped up in all this. X keeps peer pressuring me to join him in his evil ways and trying to corrupt me (to do drugs, skip school, etc) and I am COMPLETELY not like that. But he's so forceful and intimidating and doesn't take no for an answer (he physically drags you). I'm scared of him & don't want anything to do with this but if I were to get away from him or anything, he would go mad and start exposing secrets of mine (trust me he's that kind of person).

    So I feel trapped with X but don't want to be a part of his bad deeds. I feel distant & alienated from A & B (they're wary of me and keep away from me because I hang around with/support X).

    I feel paranoid, obsessed, anxious, nervous. It's so stupid, I wish there was a way I could just flip the off switch and convince myself this is all meaningless rubbish.

    What can I do? I literally want to forget about all this and focus on my studies, does anyone have any advice on how I can solve this huge mess I've got myself into?


    I'm so sorry for this huge text, I've literally been hung up over this for ages


    is it just me or does X sounds like Cook from Skins.

    anyone else think so?
 
 
 
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