Asap english descriptive work review needed
Hey I just did a descriptive piece and I was wondering if it is any good. Can someone please give me a review on it and my exam board is AQA. I used a picture as my stimulus which I will attach with this forum. Thanks in advance.
The hopeless sunlight shines meaninglessly at the brilliantly dull rubble which is scrambled upon the raw and beaten Earth. Bits of the once luxury apartments are scattered randomly by Mother Nature itself. Pieces and fragile strands of metal hang loose on the sides of the disaster struck pathway, which is created by the mutilated remains of the apartments, narrowing the slender road from either side. The smell of the dust is intensified due to the helpless and miserable people’s continuous slumbering from one place to another in the foolish search of lost hope. Distant cries of impotent civilians are echoed through the hollow town which even softens the hearts of ruthless murderers. Occasionally hysterical laughs from the ones, who already gave up, due to the colossal despair and misery, will break the deafening silence. Civilians with marks of sorrow and sadness stroll through the slender street, slowly but surely they saunter for senseless satisfaction.
An ordinary father walks ashamed whilst clenching the hands of his dear sons. He has been completely defeated by the merciless life however his two sons walk beside him, comforting him, unknowing how grave the situation is. Tssk.Tsssk.Tssssk. The beat up soles of the antique shoes are battling the ground while the innocent, young kids walk amongst their loving father. Half-welled tears are about to trickle down the father’s face all because of the devastation caused by Mother Nature. Mother Nature is not a friend of Humankind.
The hopeless sunlight shines meaninglessly at the brilliantly dull rubble which is scrambled upon the raw and beaten Earth. Bits of the once luxury apartments are scattered randomly by Mother Nature itself. Pieces and fragile strands of metal hang loose on the sides of the disaster struck pathway, which is created by the mutilated remains of the apartments, narrowing the slender road from either side. The smell of the dust is intensified due to the helpless and miserable people’s continuous slumbering from one place to another in the foolish search of lost hope. Distant cries of impotent civilians are echoed through the hollow town which even softens the hearts of ruthless murderers. Occasionally hysterical laughs from the ones, who already gave up, due to the colossal despair and misery, will break the deafening silence. Civilians with marks of sorrow and sadness stroll through the slender street, slowly but surely they saunter for senseless satisfaction.
An ordinary father walks ashamed whilst clenching the hands of his dear sons. He has been completely defeated by the merciless life however his two sons walk beside him, comforting him, unknowing how grave the situation is. Tssk.Tsssk.Tssssk. The beat up soles of the antique shoes are battling the ground while the innocent, young kids walk amongst their loving father. Half-welled tears are about to trickle down the father’s face all because of the devastation caused by Mother Nature. Mother Nature is not a friend of Humankind.
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