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It's National Storytelling Week so let's write a TSR story! Watch

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    Marcella smirked, pointed the pistol at Pedro and pulled the trigger. Pedro's eyes snapped shut as he feared his life was over.

    Nothing happened. He was still alive. He opened his eyes to see a small white flag dangling from the mouth of the gun. It read 'SURPRISE!'
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    Marcella shook with laughter. Pedro did not join in with the mirth.
    Marcella reached behind her head and whipped off her blonde wig and latex mask.

    It was Susanne !!
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    Pedro's jaw dropped to the floor. He picked it up and reinserted it.

    "Wow Susanne you got me there !! I really thought that you were working for the CIA...."

    Suddenly Pedro reached behind his head and whipped off his wig and latex mask....
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    to reveal....
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    The Usherette™


    "the main feature is starting in ten minutes Madame. would you like some cigarettes ? certainly, Woodbines are two shillings and sixpence"
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      all that was left in this mysterious tale were the koi. for each koi fish represented something more than Ikea furniture, overpriced stationery or weapons concealed in fruit. no, for each koi fish was a life.
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      Pedro the Usherette™ and Susanne the fruity spook sat down on the stained plush cinema seats in the attic and waited for the lights to go down. The unmistakeable clicks and whirrs of the projector came from the back of the room where CoolCavy was in charge of the equipment.
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      the black and white images flickered on the attic wall. it seemed to be a cowboy film but not one that Pedro the Usherette™ recognised. the soundtrack was gypsy guitar music.
      Suddenly Susanne the fruity spook jumped up and started to dance in an erratic but energetic version of flamenco.
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      Clouds of Woodbine smoke emerged from the crazed dancer's mouth and were illuminated by the projector's beam.
      Cool Cavy teetered onto the dance floor on her improbably high heels and joined Susanne in her odd Spanish dance.
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      Pedro the Usherette™ threw his tray of cigarettes into the corner of the room and joined the ladies in their whirling clacking gypsy madness. He grasped a rose in his teeth and advanced towards Susanne...
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      The soothing strains of Charles Trenet's dreamy ballad La Mer oozed through the attic. The grainy film had changed to Truffaut's classic Jules et Jim.
      Pedro was now sporting a beret and a smouldering Gauloise dangled from his lips.
      CoolCavy and Susanne danced cheek to cheek with onions round their necks.
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      Susanne whispered in CoolCavy's ear "euuunh i 'ave forget to feed ze feeshes. 'ere eez surm cassoulet... pliz take eet to zur pornd".
      CoolCavy grasped the heavy cast iron pot of cassoulet in her tiny hands and teetered downstairs.
      She opened the French Windows and checked her emails.
      Then she opened the patio doors and staggered to the fish pond where the koi carp were waiting.
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      CoolCavy carefully tipped the pungent sausage stew into the pond, where the seventeen hungry koi slurped it down. After a few minutes clouds of noxious bubbles started to rise from the depths of the pond where the bloated fish were lying.
      "gotta go guys" she said and waved her tiny hand in farewell to her prized oriental finny friends.
      Back in the attic Pedro and Susanne were playing tonsil tennis to the strains of Plastic Bertrand.
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      Also waiting at the pond, however, was an intelligent otter. The otter whipped out its smartphone and opened up this thread. Its eyes were drawn to a particular message in the first post:
      (Original post by Sheffield Hallam University)
      ...keep it going, one sentence at a time.
      'Typical' said the otter scathingly, 'humans never could follow instructions'.
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        a handsome young man by the name of Homeland.lsw saw the otter trying be a smartass and gave it a good talking to. Homeland then heard the music coming from the attic and decided to investigate. What he saw still haunts him to this day
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        (Original post by homeland.lsw)
        a handsome young man by the name of Homeland.lsw saw the otter trying be a smartass and gave it a good talking to. Homeland then heard the music coming from the attic and decided to investigate. What he saw still haunts him to this day
        Susanne was tattoing Pedro's back using a pair of compasses and some shoe polish.
        Homeland could not quite see what the picture was from his position in the doorway.
        Pedro turned his head and smiled knowingly at Homeland. "Help yourself to ciggies dude !!" he said, gesturing to to the discarded Usherette™ tray in the corner of the tiny room.
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          (Original post by the bear)
          Susanne was tattoing Pedro's back using a pair of compasses and some shoe polish.
          Homeland could not quite see what the picture was from his position in the doorway.
          Pedro turned his head and smiled knowingly at Homeland. "Help yourself to ciggies dude !!" he said, gesturing to to the discarded Usherette™ tray in the corner of the tiny room.
          homeland thanked pedro for his kindness and grabbed, too his relief, a candy cigarette. he gnawed on the end. whilst observing the very unhygienic room. "are you sure this place is sterile?" homeland enquired pulling out a pint of dettol from his messenger bag
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          the haunting strains of bagpipe music filled the tiny attic. Homeland had mistakenly taken a bottle of Schnapps instead of industrial disinfectant from his bag.
          Susanne grabbed the bottle and said "oh i think my throat needs disinfecting" and necked half of the contents.
          She passed it to Pedro...."Health and Safety dear. Just drink it". Pedro complied willingly.
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          homeland.lsw led the merry revellers down the rickety stairs to the strains of Flowers of the Forest on the bagpipes. Arriving safely on the ground floor they walked out of the French Windows and marched seven times widdershins round the goldfish pond
          Pedro kicked in the shed door and they made themselves at home.
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          on a crude wooden shelf were several dog-eared paperbacks. Pedro picked one up. It was an SAS thriller by a popular author. Pedro had been in the Special Forces before becoming a Community Assistant on a student website.
         
         
         
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