Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
Turn on thread page Beta

Just hung phone up on my Nan... Should I call back ? (Situation re Trump/Muslim Ban) watch

    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    stick to neutral topics if possible. Bake Off, Antiques Roadshow, Doc Martin are fairly safe.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    actually Bake Off could lead to problems.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by the bear)
    stick to neutral topics if possible. Bake Off, Antiques Roadshow, Doc Martin are fairly safe.
    I try but its the only 'current' thing she knows to speak about, after speaking to her for hours and hours everything, there is only so much Bake Off, Antiques Roadshow and Doc Martin you can talk about lol
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Some very strange opinions here about grandmas. I have 16 grandchildren and I don't discuss politics with them. My political opinions are mine and I don't really care what my grandchildren think.
    OP, you and your grandma have a good relationship. You ring her. Don't mention politics but don't patronise her. Talk about something else. And remember, she won't always be there. You want your memories of here to be good ones and they will be because it seems to me that you are good to her. X
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Going with everyone else here - I'm an outlier in my family in that my personal beliefs are very different from everyone's but my parents', who are a lot more tolerant and liberal than the rest of the family (mainly because they travel a lot and have worked in many different sectors). I disagree with the majority of my grandparents' views, and on occasion it's come to metaphorical blows between us, but at the end of the day I still love them, they are still good to me (when they aren't insulting me) and as many have said before me, they won't be here forever. I still make the effort to see them every week, and if the conversation is heading towards politics I simply remind myself that they are of another time, and get all their news from the Sun and Mail, and so we are bound to have different opinions, and that's okay.

    It's not worth wasting your time trying to change someone else's opinion to yours, especially when they are old and close family.

    That being said, ring her back and apologise for hanging up, but if you feel it's a big enough deal just say: "I don't like it when we fight like this, I love you and don't want us to shout at each other. Can we talk about something else?". I'm sure she'd understand and has as much desire to hurt you as you have to hurt her, which is to say, none at all.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    No, but putting the phone down on them because you're disgusted by them and their views to the point that you now refuse to talk to them any longer, does just that.
    "ended up getting shouted at down the phone, so I hung up"

    Nice alternative facts, bro
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mingusdingus)
    "ended up getting shouted at down the phone, so I hung up"

    Nice alternative facts, bro
    This is out of context.
    I hung up because I was being shouted at about how Muslims are bad AND the fact that she was implying Muslims are terrorists, which I do not agree with.
    There are some things you can agree with in order to keep the conversation going, unfortunately, this was not one of those times.

    Please do not make it sound as if I hung up soley because she shouted during a phone call.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    (Original post by mingusdingus)
    "ended up getting shouted at down the phone, so I hung up"

    Nice alternative facts, bro
    Nice ignoring of the context, bro.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    Nice ignoring of the context, bro.
    Bro
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

    Call her back.
    • Political Ambassador
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Political Ambassador
    (Original post by mingusdingus)
    Bro
    I thought you were saying that him hanging up had nothing to do with what I said :lol:
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    My nan says offensive stuff all the time
    You have to remember that your views are to some extent a result of your socialisation with regards to your generation and increased general tolerance. She was brought up in an entirely different environment so you have to be patient with her. I don't know about your nan but I can have a reasonable discussion with mine and she usually comes around
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tengentoppa)
    She's still your grandmother. As you get older you become more and more unreasonable. It may be hard to stomach but I'm afraid it's something you'll have to accept.

    You said yourself she's lonely, and it's lovely that you call her that often. You don't want to be on bad terms with her. My advice would be to ignore her outbursts, and if you absolutely must then disagree with her, but don't hang up the phone. The best policy I would say is to try and steer her away from anything political.
    I did this with a friend = black lives matter and feminism. I was pretty harsh and he still wanted to remain friends. I told him to gtfo and he said kys.

    Now im wondering if it's the right idea and maybe I should educate rather than slash. Then again, my nan showed a bit of homophobia and my mum thinks gy people adopting is worng and I love her to bits, so maybe it's different with family rather friends?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by elmosandy)
    I did this with a friend = black lives matter and feminism. I was pretty harsh and he still wanted to remain friends. I told him to gtfo and he said kys.

    Now im wondering if it's the right idea and maybe I should educate rather than slash. Then again, my nan showed a bit of homophobia and my mum thinks gy people adopting is worng and I love her to bits, so maybe it's different with family rather friends?
    Yeah, it's cliched but you pick your friends, you don't think your family.

    Also, I don't want to be morbid but she won't be there forever and the last thing you want is to remember her for the arguments you had.

    You'll probably hold views your grandkids find abhorrent one day. I would just let it slide.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lee1999wright)
    I tried to say how this is unfair as it does not represent Muslims and ended up getting shouted at down the phone, so I hung up.
    You hung up on your grandmother?

    Kids these days, ffs. :no:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Update :

    Phoned her up yesterday, we both apologised and agreed it's best to stay away from politics.
    Bring on the conversations about Doc Martin, Antiques Roadshow and Flog it.

    Thanks for your advice everyone,
    Have a nice day.
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tengentoppa)
    Yeah, it's cliched but you pick your friends, you don't think your family.

    Also, I don't want to be morbid but she won't be there forever and the last thing you want is to remember her for the arguments you had.

    You'll probably hold views your grandkids find abhorrent one day. I would just let it slide.
    My mum is accepting of gay people and loves them, and even worked and danced in a gay nightclub a few times. Saids its better than regular nightclubs! She is the most tolerant, generous, accepting, careless, comparsionate and understand person I know. She is so tolerent of people and sometimes lets people treat her badly over and over because she's so nice. It's just that she doesn't argee with that. We both have to let our views slide on that one.

    My nan just saw some gay people on tv and said that's digusting and my mum asked what's digusting and she didn't answer. She doesnt really hate anyone though. I haven't really had arguements on the issue or anything ' contreversial lol - feminism etc and most my mum argees with black lives matter, feminism, gender equality, labour... its just that, that gay peope raising kids she doesnt argee with. She was open with gay people on how she feels about this issues and she said they didn't like it. I think she said in a way that she accepts anyone on how they choose to live but still doesnt argee. We;ve more had a disargeement rather than a argument. Yeah I suppose I will disagree with my Grandkids views so long as we don't kill each-other in the process lol.
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lee1999wright)
    Update :

    Phoned her up yesterday, we both apologised and agreed it's best to stay away from politics.
    Bring on the conversations about Doc Martin, Antiques Roadshow and Flog it.

    Thanks for your advice everyone,
    Have a nice day.
    Well done. She's still family at the end of the day
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lee1999wright)
    I try but its the only 'current' thing she knows to speak about, after speaking to her for hours and hours everything, there is only so much Bake Off, Antiques Roadshow and Doc Martin you can talk about lol
    It is the Satan that makes us humans listen when we whole heartedly know its wrong.


    Thank you so much for your positive perceptive of Muslims and sticking up for Muslims. I can imagine how much hatred she holds in her heart against us, I don't blame her, as the previous commenter stated ' She is decades old Britain was mainly British people so seeing her country changing rapidly is something which anybody would not accept either but in good terms only if those coming are being integral, Now the media changes all these positive views to cause this bad inluence on anybody who has had no experience from Good Muslims. Maybe you've Muslim friends or know of them living around you or even in College or school that has made you think positively about them.
    If ever you brought up the same subject, perhaps ask her if she has ever met a Muslim personally.

    My grammar and punctuation is quite bad, so do apologise for any mistakes made (English is my third language)
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 25, 2018
Poll
“Yanny” or “Laurel”
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.