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Please help, Muslims will probably only understand Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Source?
    For?
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    (Original post by mariachi)
    In my personal view, this is however a very healthy development.
    Marriage of muslimahs to non muslims? Or sleeping around like a skank? I'm not sure which you consider health development so if you could clarify.

    (Original post by mariachi)
    because apparently people who post in a way you dislike or disagree with are, by definition, trolls
    No. I have seen threads like this all too often.

    Why would you ever want advice on such a delicate matter from a bunch of students... Also note how the OP specifically put "Muslims will only understand" in the title to lure Muslims into the thread, well it worked because I would not have clicked on this thread if it didn't have that kind of title :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Marriage of muslimahs to non muslims? Or sleeping around like a skank? I'm not sure which you consider health development so if you could clarify.
    well, here we are discussing (monogamous) marriage. As to "sleeping around like a skank", it could be the subject of a different discussion

    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Why would you ever want advice on such a delicate matter from a bunch of students
    because it is her peer group

    all the best
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Marriage of muslimahs to non muslims? Or sleeping around like a skank? I'm not sure which you consider health development so if you could clarify.
    It came out at last, the calling of those who like to have sex "skanks". What exactly is wrong with "sleeping around" may I ask, provided everyone's consenting and the parties take the appropriate precautions?

    No. I have seen threads like this all too often.

    Why would you ever want advice on such a delicate matter from a bunch of students... Also note how the OP specifically put "Muslims will only understand" in the title to lure Muslims into the thread, well it worked because I would not have clicked on this thread if it didn't have that kind of title :rolleyes:
    Maybe because they can't talk to anyone in real life, did you think of that? There's nothing inherently wrong with making a thread on TSR asking for advice, even though in this case, whether the person is a troll or not, it appears they only want confirmation of what they've already done...
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    (Original post by QE2)
    "Strange links"?
    Did you look at them? They are both Islamic sources. One from a respected author of several books of the subject of women in Islam. The other contains the work of an Islamic scholar.
    If a Muslim had posted those links,they would have been accepted without a second thought.
    Don't make this biased. Muslims on TSR are very through in where they get their info from hence refrencing this guy don't have no idea and neither do you about reputable scholars. You cannot Base islam off google for Allah's sake you are not going to find every single answer there hence the reason for imams and authentic scholars. I have actually looked at the links and as a SOK I can tell you they are misguding and improper information.
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    It came out at last, the calling of those who like to have sex "skanks". What exactly is wrong with "sleeping around" may I ask, provided everyone's consenting and the parties take the appropriate precautions?
    Because it's filthy, have some decency and self respect. Just my opinion seeing as you asked for it.


    Maybe because they can't talk to anyone in real life, did you think of that? There's nothing inherently wrong with making a thread on TSR asking for advice, even though in this case, whether the person is a troll or not, it appears they only want confirmation of what they've already done...[/QUOTE]

    The problem with these types of threads is the person is not really looking for advice, they know what they're doing is wrong and they're pretending like they've reached some kind of moral dilemma and are torn between their religion and their boyfriend / girlfriend.

    This person knows what they have to do if they want to be a Muslim so the thread is completely pointless. Why would you ask for advice on an issue you already know the answer to?
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    (Original post by QE2)
    Only Allah can guide or misguide us - and he does so as he wills.
    Yes I know that but by constantly impeding your views on how Islam is the wrong religion and Muslims that do belive wholeheartedly are brainwashed can make an individual leave their religion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, sorry for the long back story.

    I come from a household of an extremely abusive mother and a father who never did anything to stop it.

    A couple years ago, I managed to transfer university and move out, but my family would force me to regularly visit. Just before this, I met my non-Muslim boyfriend on a dating site, who lives in London. I am not from London nor do I go to university there. At this time I was (of course) in a bad place and, although I believed in Allah, I did not really care for religion.

    Since being away from the abuse I've found more of a place for Allah in my heart. My boyfriend is almost the perfect man - except for the fact that he is not Muslim. He has good principles and doesn't drink or anything. Since becoming more religious, I've asked him about converting, and he will not consider it. I know I have no future with him.

    Recently, I have cut contact with my mother and have stopped visiting my parents.

    I am in my final year of university and am planning on moving to London after I have finished precisely because of my entire situation. London is so big and I feel like it will give me a greater chance of meeting friends, a life partner, and starting a new life where I can finally be happy.

    I am having breakdowns at this moment because I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I find it hard to connect with people. I have only two friends I feel like I really connect with, and then there's my boyfriend. At the age of twenty I've only ever connected with three people. The fact that I now have to only consider Muslim guys for partners has narrowed down my chances of finding another connection by so much. On top of that, I would have to find a Muslim guy who is willing to date, as I would want to be in a relationship with someone before marriage.

    I also don't feel like I'm the kind of girl a Muslim guy will want to settle down with. I don't wear hijab and I feel like lot of people will automatically assume I'm not marriage material because of that. Also, I feel like many Muslim guys would want the approval of their parents before marrying someone. What Muslim parents would approve of a girl who has pretty much no ties with her family? I don't want to be used by a guy for fun and then get dumped for someone his parents chose.

    I feel like I'm never going to have a connection with a Muslim guy, and my religion does not allow me to be with a non-Muslim, and therefore I see my future being filled with unhappiness and loneliness.

    Advice or perspective would be appreciated.
    Sorry to hear about your situation.

    It seems like you have decided you don't want to go down the path of being with a non-muslim guy, due to religious reasons.

    All I can advise is that, just because you don't wear a hijab and that you may not have a connection with family, will not mean you won't find muslim guys who are interested in marrying/dating you. As you said, there are some, maybe many, who will find this a problem, but it isn't all of them.

    I don't think you will have a lonely life - as for happiness, that is dependent on fate and you.

    I don't know the details of your relationship with your parents, but if it is in any way possible, you should try mend it. Sometimes in life, having a broken relationship with parents can be a void that can never be filled with anything else, which could result in you being unhappy regardless of whether you find the perfect muslim husband or not. It might be an area to get advice on from other professionals, or even religious professionals (imams, as some other sister commented here).

    Anyway, I hope everything works out for the best for you. You're only 20 and there is a lot yet to do for you in life, so don't rush into thinking about things like finding a muslim guy to marry, that'll come naturally in life.
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Because it's filthy, have some decency and self respect.
    What is it that makes sex between two people "filthy", when exactly the same people having the same sex, in the same place, with the same feelings for each other, but after a short ceremony, is not?

    Furthermore, as only Islamic marriage is recognised by Allah, are all other married couples filthy adulterers?
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    What is it with some Muslims wanting others to be miserable and unhappy for the rest of their lives for the sake of an unconfirmed ideology?
    Hah wouldn't you like to know. In fact we Muslims wish happiness for others some to the extent that they remember them in their prayers to the Lord of the world's. What could be more superior to that? Unconfirmed ideology is this only because there is no 'evidence' when clearly there is. Please leave which does not concern you.
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    (Original post by QE2)
    What is it that makes sex between two people "filthy", when exactly the same people having the same sex, in the same place, with the same feelings for each other, but after a short ceremony, is not?

    Furthermore, as only Islamic marriage is recognised by Allah, are all other married couples filthy adulterers?
    At least if a couple are married then they are devoted to each other. You say it's not filthy but would you rather date a modest girl who is a virgin or perhaps she only had 1 boyfriend before, or a rotten little skank who has opened her legs to every man down the pub...

    Yeah, I didn't think so.
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    (Original post by MiszShortee786)
    Hah wouldn't you like to know.
    Well yes, I would like to know why you lot are so intent on encouraging others to suffer throughout their whole lives, even when adhering to dogma is clearly making them deeply unhappy. It's quite concerning that your "wouldn't you like to know" comment implies it's some sort of secret?!

    In fact we Muslims wish happiness for others some to the extent that they remember them in their prayers to the Lord of the world's. What could be more superior to that? Unconfirmed ideology is this only because there is no 'evidence' when clearly there is. Please leave which does not concern you.
    No, there is no evidence for Islam. Erm, it's clear that leaving her boyfriend isn't making the OP happy as she has clearly said in this thread.
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    At least if a couple are married then they are devoted to each other.
    So sex is not "filthy" if it is between people who are devoted to each other but unmarried. And it is "filthy" if it is between married people who are not devoted to each other.

    You say it's not filthy but would you rather date a modest girl who is a virgin or perhaps she only had 1 boyfriend before, or a rotten little skank who has opened her legs to every man down the pub...
    But that is not the situation in real life. Most girls are "modest" and very few sleep around to the extent that you claim. And even if they do, as long as they are responsible, whose business is it but hers?

    Yeah, I didn't think so.
    Depends. If I was looking to settle down in a lon-term relationship, possibly not.
    If I just fancied a proper naughty weekend uf unbridled pornsex, then possibly.

    And what is this obsession with virgins that Muslims seem to have?
    If you were having a massage, or getting a haircut, or going out for a meal, would you use by somebody who's never done it before, or would you prefer someone with a bit of practical experience? Yes, you might get your haircut or massage or meal, but you'd probably be disappointed with it.

    And I'd still like to know if all non-Muslim married couples are still filthy adulterers?
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    (Original post by QE2)
    So sex is not "filthy" if it is between people who are devoted to each other but unmarried. And it is "filthy" if it is between married people who are not devoted to each other.
    What makes sex between non couples filthy is the sharing of the body, passing it around like a piece of meat. If you are committed to 1 person then at the very least you are giving yourself to just one person and I assume you love that person...


    And what is this obsession with virgins that Muslims seem to have?
    If you were having a massage, or getting a haircut, or going out for a meal, would you use by somebody who's never done it before, or would you prefer someone with a bit of practical experience? Yes, you might get your haircut or massage or meal, but you'd probably be disappointed with it.
    Purity.

    And I'd still like to know if all non-Muslim married couples are still filthy adulterers?
    I would not consider non Muslims act of love filthy if they were married, no.
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    (Original post by AishaGirl)
    Because it's filthy, have some decency and self respect. Just my opinion seeing as you asked for it.
    How exactly is it filthy and why does it mean someone has no self respect?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How exactly is it filthy and why does it mean someone has no self respect?
    Read my posts, I'm not going to repeat myself.
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      (Original post by AishaGirl)
      At least if a couple are married then they are devoted to each other. You say it's not filthy but would you rather date a modest girl who is a virgin or perhaps she only had 1 boyfriend before, or a rotten little skank who has opened her legs to every man down the pub...

      Yeah, I didn't think so.
      Would you marry a muslim guy who wasn't a virgin if you loved him?

      P.s I am muslim too. If a girl has sex before marriage how are you calling a "skank"? Yes you and myself disagree with pre marital sex but I'm sure when you're married off you too will "open your legs" for your husband and you wont be a virgin.
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      (Original post by AishaGirl)
      At least if a couple are married then they are devoted to each other.
      Given that around 50% of global marriages end in divorce and plenty of others that do remain married suffer in silence, it is a blatantly untrue and silly to claim that married couples are devoted to each other. A short ceremony doesn't magically change people's personalities and how people can change over the years of a marriage. And what's stopping unmarried couples from being devoted to each other?

      You say it's not filthy but would you rather date a modest girl who is a virgin or perhaps she only had 1 boyfriend before, or a rotten little skank who has opened her legs to every man down the pub...

      Yeah, I didn't think so.
      I have no problem dating a girl who has had sex before. Nowadays, in the West at least, most women don't wait until marriage to have sex so most guys have no problem getting into a relationship with a girl who isn't a virgin. Your views that sex somehow, by mechanisms unknown, makes someone dirty and filthy is really quite primitive...
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      (Original post by years101)
      Would you marry a muslim guy who wasn't a virgin if you loved him?

      P.s I am muslim too. If a girl has sex before marriage how are you calling a "skank"? Yes you and myself disagree with pre marital sex but I'm sure when you're married off you too will "open your legs" for your husband and you wont be a virgin.
      Well obviously there is a difference. Would I marry a muslim man who has been with someone before? Absolutely. Would I marry a muslim man who has been around the block a dozen times? Hell no.

      Also age is important. If he is 18 and he has already had 2 failed marriages then no I probably would not. If we were both in our 30's and he had 2 failed marriages then yes I would probably give him a chance.
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      (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
      So you're willing to give up your perfect man just because he doesn't believe the same fairytales you do? Is that seriously the reason you're going to give up on him, even though you're not close to your family?

      A prime example of how toxic religion can be.


      Enjoy these worldly pleasures because that's as good as it's going to get for you, as you would agree, but lament the day you will be held accountable for this.
     
     
     
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