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Parents being a nightmare about university! Watch

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    Basically my parents won't allow me to go to a university away from home and I'm not able to move out. I really want to experience the life of being independent and able to do things on my own because I've always been dependent on my parents.

    I recently tried to talk to my mum about moving out, but she said " how could you even think about saying that, do you not have common sense we didn't let your older sibling go why you ?" And uses the excuse of "what would your father say if he heard this, he is not going to be happy, you know how angry he will be." just to scare me. Then my older sibling got involved in the conversation and started shouting at me and saying it's stupid of me to think about moving out it's difficult, you won't be able to handle it, you have to cook for yourself and clean and work and so on.

    Also I think they have lack of trust in me. I have never done anything to make them feel as if they cannot trust me. I literally am stuck in my house I go to school and come back home straight away. To be honest it's because they heard about children they thought were good and went to uni and became bad.

    I really need help to somehow move out I honestly feel as if I go to my local university I will not be happy for the next few years. And as an Asian Muslim girl, they will probably want me to get married straight after my degree and personally I do not want that as I want to reach my goals I have for the future and if I get married I won't have a chance to reach them.

    Please someone give me legit advice!
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    leave islam behind maybe. The patriarchy and sexism that the religion inflicts on its followers is sickening
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    I would recommend going to your sixth form/college help adviser or Head of Sixth and organizing a meeting with your parents about this situation. You can also tell them firmly at this meeting that you have no intention of going into higher education if you do not study away from home and i am sure your parents will listen to an authoritative figure like your adviser more than just yourself.
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    Im an Asian Muslim guy... pretty strict parents.. and hopefully going to a uni about 2 and a half hours away from home
    I cant tell you what to say. but communication is key.
    Talk to them. Keep talking to them. I didn't get me parents to come around...but they accepted that I was going to move out, I made that clear. I compromised and substituted some of my uni choices but I had no intention of going to them.
    At the end of the day, it is your decision and dont be rash in telling them that they cant choose for you like I did. Wear them down with words...all parents want their kids happy.. even the asian ones if you need more advice feel free to holla.. Pretty much argued with my parents for a long time.. Im in your position but its harder for you since Asians are more protective of their daughters
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    Before even reaching the "I am a Muslim girl" part of your post, I wondered in my head whether your family were Muslim.

    The reason your family don't want you to move away is so that they can keep an eye on you. I suspect they don't want you to integrate with western culture. And they certainly don't want you to meet boys or party. It's a tricky situation you are in.

    Re the cooking and cleaning stuff. It is not difficult at all to do and they should be encouraging you to be an adult. It sounds like your parents have your life mapped out for you but you have bigger ambitions. If they are not amenable to letting you move out...you have to cut them off. Hopefully you can get loans and a part-time job, and extra financial help from uni if required. Move out and explore the world. There's no better chance to do this than uni when you are young.
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    tell them you're not their slave and that you're an adult now who can look after himself
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    legally speaking they cannot stop you
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    (Original post by Orlandothefraser)
    leave islam behind maybe. The patriarchy and sexism that the religion inflicts on its followers is sickening
    I was born in the religion and personally I believe in it, I will respect your opinion on the religion. But I am a strong believer!
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    (Original post by TheIncredibleZ)
    I would recommend going to your sixth form/college help adviser or Head of Sixth and organizing a meeting with your parents about this situation. You can also tell them firmly at this meeting that you have no intention of going into higher education if you do not study away from home and i am sure your parents will listen to an authoritative figure like your adviser more than just yourself.
    The thing is I have an older sibling who is able to make my parents believe anything because they are the perfect child. But I might try this out my head of sixth form did say she doesn't mind talking to my parents about as she has done it before for another student in the past. Thanks for the advice!
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    (Original post by Someboady)
    Im an Asian Muslim guy... pretty strict parents.. and hopefully going to a uni about 2 and a half hours away from home
    I cant tell you what to say. but communication is key.
    Talk to them. Keep talking to them. I didn't get me parents to come around...but they accepted that I was going to move out, I made that clear. I compromised and substituted some of my uni choices but I had no intention of going to them.
    At the end of the day, it is your decision and dont be rash in telling them that they cant choose for you like I did. Wear them down with words...all parents want their kids happy.. even the asian ones if you need more advice feel free to holla.. Pretty much argued with my parents for a long time.. Im in your position but its harder for you since Asians are more protective of their daughters
    It's nice to know when someone can relate, yeah I tried last week to talk to them and I'm not sure how to bring it back up again. I'm still waiting for one more of my uni choices and then I want to really try and persuade them. I regret not trying before and regret applying to the uni near home as they also have accepted me. And yes being a girl doesn't make it any better they said that because I'm a girl I can't move out as well and I'm the only daughter, ahh can it get any worse lol. Thanks for the advice
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    (Original post by Orlandothefraser)
    leave islam behind maybe. The patriarchy and sexism that the religion inflicts on its followers is sickening
    excuse me! Get your facts right it isn't Islam which inflicts patriarchy and sexism on its followers its culture. And also leave Islam being sexist look at Christianity , Hinduism maybe you will actually realise how religion inflicts sexism on followers.
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      (Original post by Orlandothefraser)
      leave islam behind maybe. The patriarchy and sexism that the religion inflicts on its followers is sickening
      Its culture you moron not religion.
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      (Original post by Sabz152)
      excuse me! Get your facts right it isn't Islam which inflicts patriarchy and sexism on its followers its culture. And also leave Islam being sexist look at Christianity , Hinduism maybe you will actually realise how religion inflicts sexism on followers.
      How exactly does Christianity inflict sexism?
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      (Original post by habeas.corpus)
      Before even reaching the "I am a Muslim girl" part of your post, I wondered in my head whether your family were Muslim.

      The reason your family don't want you to move away is so that they can keep an eye on you. I suspect they don't want you to integrate with western culture. And they certainly don't want you to meet boys or party. It's a tricky situation you are in.

      Re the cooking and cleaning stuff. It is not difficult at all to do and they should be encouraging you to be an adult. It sounds like your parents have your life mapped out for you but you have bigger ambitions. If they are not amenable to letting you move out...you have to cut them off. Hopefully you can get loans and a part-time job, and extra financial help from uni if required. Move out and explore the world. There's no better chance to do this than uni when you are young.
      Yes! I agree with every word you said there. I really just want to explore and be independent. Yeah they pretty much care about themselves and what they want. They said to me " I can't believe you don't think about us as parents and how we would feel about you moving out" I swear it's my life?! I know they want to keep an eye on me but I don't have that intention of doing anything bad and to put shame on them wish they understood. Thanks for your comment by the way!
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      (Original post by Mistletoe)
      tell them you're not their slave and that you're an adult now who can look after himself
      If only it was easy as that to say that to them..
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      (Original post by Tom3198)
      legally speaking they cannot stop you
      I know but the thing with my parents is that, that's not legal in their book :/
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      You have to do what is best for you - clearly moving away is what you want. You need to approach the subject as calmly as possible and try and talk them round.

      If it doesn't work then in my opinion just do it anyway and eventually they should come round - especially if they see you're successful doing it your way.

      I wish you the best of luck - you need to do what YOU want. Don't think for one second that it's selfish unless you are directly hurting others. Not doing what someone wants you to do is not ever selfish.
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      (Original post by mattk220)
      You have to do what is best for you - clearly moving away is what you want. You need to approach the subject as calmly as possible and try and talk them round.

      If it doesn't work then in my opinion just do it anyway and eventually they should come round - especially if they see you're successful doing it your way.

      I wish you the best of luck - you need to do what YOU want. Don't think for one second that it's selfish unless you are directly hurting others. Not doing what someone wants you to do is not ever selfish.
      Some wise words there, I will try again in a calm matter but in the situation I get scared and nervous and sometimes I can't say the things I want because I'll get in so much trouble. I will try and I appreciate this thank you!
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      (Original post by Sabz152)
      excuse me! Get your facts right it isn't Islam which inflicts patriarchy and sexism on its followers its culture. And also leave Islam being sexist look at Christianity , Hinduism maybe you will actually realise how religion inflicts sexism on followers.
      Lmao Hinduism is a haven for militant feminists in comparison to Abrahamic religions.
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      There have been many feminists but the inequality is clear. Women have to fast for their husbands, take blessings from them by touching their feet and have even been recommended in the past to burn themselves on their husbands death pyre. Scriptures tell women to be obedient to their husbands and bear pain.
      (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
      Lmao Hinduism is a haven for militant feminists in comparison to Abrahamic religions.
     
     
     
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